Spinning Around In My Head

11/16/2014 · 4 comments

in Uncategorized

UA lot of really good things have happened to me lately.

New job that I adore. New opportunities to teach, which I adore. New kitten, who is a monster that I adore.

Shit it is going pretty ok for me right now.

In the midst of all this change, a problem has arisen: I have no idea how to rebalance anymore. I find myself in a constant state of always moving, and with my new changes, I don’t have my center anymore.

We all have homes that we return to in our brains when things get crazy, and mine is gone.

I need your help. How do I find my center again? How do I recreate that sense of peace in my mind?

Josh November 17, 2014 at 11:32 am

Noa, I wish I had some brilliant insight to share. I’ll give it a shot; maybe finding or creating a new center is the way? I’m kind of in the opposite boat from you; I’m stuck in a doldrums, yet things are actually going better than they were before. Not financially, sadly, but in deeper ways. My biggest bills are all paid, a stress-producing job I loathed is behind me and I have a real -if patchwork- support system. But I have no center either. Someone I love has been faltering, so I guess I’m trying to be her rock even while I’m scared.

A long time ago, I was all about creating. I drew, I created characters and stories in my head; in college I fell in with amazingly creative people who, without even trying, spurred me to try harder, gain some new skills. Then, for a lot of long, sad, complex reasons I lost all of that. It’s only in the last few years I’ve tip-toed back into those waters, and I find myself wanting to dive in and swim. Maybe that’s my center and I’m trying to regain it.

Maybe your center is something you already had, but lost your hold on for some reason. Maybe it’s still there, just waiting for you to get back to it. I’m nobody’s life-coach, so take all this as you will, but I truly hope it helps you, because your blog has helped me deal with terrible sadness and anxiety and I am so grateful for that.

Bitches, unite; Noa needs YOU now.

Lisa November 17, 2014 at 5:45 pm

I can only tell you what worked for me…10 minutes alone every morning focusing on my breathing. Sometimes to music, sometimes not. Journaling every night for 15 minutes. I’d set a timer. My centre found me.

Meg November 20, 2014 at 2:02 am

I suggest finding a routine, and making yourself stick to it for at least a week. See how you feel, then change it if you have to.

I don’t mean scheduling your entire day. I mean find something that’s just for you, that you do for 20-30 mins every single day. Whether you meditate, or go for a walk, or have a special snack, or write, or sit down with your kitten and watch the latest episode of one of your shows. Make a thing of it. Look *forward* to it. Have a little date with yourself and be mindful while you’re doing it, enjoy what you’re doing, be glad that you’re doing it.

Then see how you feel after a week of it.

I have a few little self-care things like that, that I do. And I often find that when I let them slip is when I start feeling unbalanced, because letting them slip means I think I’m not worth that self-care any more. Cause follows effect follows cause; if I don’t bother doing this thing any more, that means I’m not worth it, and because I’m not worth it, I’m not going to do THIS thing any more either.

The reverse of that is that if I do little special things for myself, even if they’re VERY little, I feel like I deserve it and that gives my self-confidence a tiny boost. Every tiny boost is worth it. (It’s very hard for me to make myself, sometimes, but it’s always worth it.)

Your mind may not be messed up in exactly the same way that mine is, of course!!! But I do recommend finding something special that you can do that’s just for you (even if you have others with you), that you do every day.

Good luck. :)

Moni November 20, 2014 at 2:52 pm

I think that’s “growing pains.” I guess the only way out of it is through it. Remember that you have people who really love you, and you have everyone here. Take comfort in the familiar until you get used to the rest. Good luck!
Moni recently posted..“Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys”

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