Balancing Identity

11/25/2014 · 3 comments

in Balancing Act, Noa Gavin

UI have a pretty big confession.

A really really big one.

My legal name is not Noa Gavin.

I used a pseudonym on here for a couple of reasons. Anonymity, of course, and the fact that my legal name is FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce and to spell. I spelled it for my dry cleaner the other day and I got Burkell BlueSky. Trust me when I say that is not my name. Not even close.

The biggest reason? I wanted to be Noa Gavin. So so badly. In my real life, I was pretty shy and boring. I didn’t say what I really felt. I didn’t do what was right for me, always yielding to the will and desires of others.

Noa was a goddamn badass. Noa did what she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted. She was brash and cool and caring and passionate. She was a comedian. She was a writer.

Noa was everything I wanted to be.

Over the years, the line between Noa and my original personality blurred. I became her. I became confident and outspoken. Passionate, compassionate, and focused on my own desires and goals. I became a comedian. A writer. I am brash. I think I am pretty cool. I wear a lot of leather.

I am Noa. I am no longer the girl I was when I started this blog.

I am Noa.

The balancing act between those lives has gotten tiring. I no longer have a need for the name I was given when I was born. I have outgrown her, become someone new. Become the person I wanted to be. I am Noa.

This week, I began the process of erasing this balancing act by applying to legally change my name. I no longer need my original name because I’m not that girl.

I am Noa.

Moni November 25, 2014 at 10:17 pm

Lady, you are awesome by any name. They could call you “High Priestess” or “Ultimate Shitstorm” but it wouldn’t take away the fact that you are funny, articulate and real.

My full first name is Monica, and I’ve lately been introducing myself as Moni to people I meet and foresee wanting to actually know in the future, and Monica to people who suck. Moni is everything I want my future to be. Who cares what they call us as long as we feel good?
Moni recently posted..Why I won’t let my daughter play with Barbie

Josh November 26, 2014 at 10:38 am

That is actually inspiring. Long live Noa Gavin.

Shannon November 30, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Holy shit…I’m assuming that you realize how badass that is. It’s like fake it til you make it on this awesome grand scale, only you were never faking – you knew your insides and your truth, you put that pedestal up, and you clambered til you crested that summit. We don’t get to pick our birth names any more than we get to pick our family, but you’re smashing that down, and for that you are even more awesome than I already thought you were.
Shannon recently posted..It’s Tea Time

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