The Good Kind Of Faking It

02/16/2014 · 8 comments

in Enough, Noa Gavin

LOFB - Noa

I call myself the fearless bitch.

That doesn’t mean I’m never scared. It doesn’t mean I’m never worried or unsure of myself or just rolling in self-confidence.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d set a bastard on fire for looking at me the wrong way. I would kick the shit out of someone for saying something crossways. I have been in a knife fight that I won. 

But, at least 5 times a day, I second guess what I’m doing. With my life, my choices, my face, my clothes–I’m unsure of myself a lot. But everyday I still get up and give the day, my life, a hell of a run for the home plate thanks to something an improv teacher told me years ago.

Fake it ’til you make it.

When you’re learning to make shit up on stage to make people laugh, you second guess everything. The things you are sure will land fall flat, the characters you think are brilliant will be terrible. You will fuck up a lot of shows, and you will be told exactly how you did that by people better than you. It can feel like an exercise in futility sometimes to work so hard and see yourself slip further and further away.

“I don’t know, I just don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. I don’t feel capable enough to carry scenes and make the good jokes,” I said to my teacher.

“We all feel like that sometimes. Realize that confidence is what sells what you’re doing, even if you’re unsure.”

“But I don’t feel confident.”

“Well, fake it ’til you make it. Pretend you have confidence. Act how a confident person acts, say what a confident person says. Don’t stop doing that–one day, you’ll actually be confident.”

That stuck with me. We get into patterns of tearing ourselves down, of self-defeatism and self-loathing. For me, it’s damn near impossible to get out of those patterns without a complete pattern interrupt. I have to change something dramatically to get any better.

When I’m not feeling good or confident or enough, I fake it. I act like a person who is confident, who is good, who is enough. It’s a constant internal conversation to myself about being aware of my patterns, of convincing myself that I really am that person, and to act like it come Hell or High Water.

It’s hard. It takes a lot of time and effort at first. But it gets easier and easier, and then one day, I realize I’m no longer faking it–that I’ve broken my pattern and that I am confident, good, enough.

The thing about Fake It Til You Make It is the realization that you are all you need already. You just have to wake it up. 

Fake It-Gavin

How do you get feeling better when you’re feeling rough?

Jenna M February 16, 2014 at 9:54 pm

You make me want to get in a knife fight and win just so I, too, can have that amazing credential.

Noa February 19, 2014 at 5:42 pm

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Johi Kokjohn-Wagner February 17, 2014 at 3:32 pm

I am a firm believer in “fake it till you make it”.

When things get rough, or I get into a rut, I like a change of scenery- whether it is a walk outdoors, a night out with girlfriends or a trip to a different city/place. Putting myself in a new location or around different people always seems to get me out of my own head. I have to perk up, pay attention and try a little harder. The results are almost always positive.

Sometimes I confront my fears. It’s hard, but worth it. And it always gives me a confidence boost.

Other times I just watch reality television. It always makes me feel better about myself. :)
Johi Kokjohn-Wagner recently posted..Adventures at the Foot Doctor

Noa February 19, 2014 at 5:54 pm

You gotta know what works for you. I am also a big fan of the change of scenery. There’s something about that pattern interrupt that changes everything. I am a weirdo that has to do everything in different rooms–writing in my dining room, work work in my office, fun ‘work’ on my coffee table. Every month or so, I switch or I start to stagnate.

Brad Ruekberg February 17, 2014 at 4:26 pm

“Fake it till you make it” describes my sex life to a tee – it’s called “getting off on your own acting chops.” Also works great afterwards when I avoid conversation by fake sleeping till I actually fall asleep.
Brad Ruekberg recently posted..Ultimatte tips

Noa February 19, 2014 at 6:06 pm

Welp, there are several definitions.

PathBLaughs February 19, 2014 at 1:08 pm

Totally seconding “Fake it till you make it”. There are only so many hours in the day, better not waste them second guessing yourself!

Noa February 19, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Oh man, if I could have all that time back.

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