Joke-Off: Less “Traditional” Means Of Saving Money

01/21/2014 · 4 comments

in Joke Off

I just figured out how to use coupons.

I’m too young and old to say that sentence at the same time, I know, but there you have it. I found my grocery store’s app and learned how to use that app to build out of the weekly sales and coupons. I have no shame at all because in just a couple of weeks I have half my grocery bill already.

Fucking unbelievable.

So, in the spirit of saving more and more money, I tried to do some research about how to save more money in the same manner. All of the advice I found was along the lines of:

1) Shit in a box and then eat it for dinner


2) Skip the 4 fancy dinners a week and just do 3 instead

Neither of which are practical and leave out the vast majority of people like us who aren’t filthy rich and who aren’t wanting the prairie experience. Let’s figure out some new ideas. Add your ideas into the comments below!

Joke-Off: Less “Traditional” Means Of Saving Money

  • Shit in a box and then eat it for dinner
  • Stop wearing clothes
  • Stop using hygiene products of any kind at all
  • Transcend your corporeal form and become a ray of light to save on power bills
  • Eat only purple foods
  • Build Tesla’s death ray to threaten your utility companies with
  • Go backward in time to caveman times where you can trade rocks for anything
  • Travel to an alternate dimension where Star Trek takes place and there is no need for money
  • Sell everything on your body
  • Sell every organ in your body
  • Sell every single egg you have in your body
  • Create the first fundamentalist-friendly strip club, make a killing
  • DIY your own summer fun by standing outside a theme park and telling your kids its their fault you can’t go
  • Never use plates again, just prepare food in your mouth
  • Eat nothing but recyclable paper products so you can just re-recycle them
  • Drink the blood of your enemies to save on coffee
  • Instead of going to college, punch yourself in the face
  • Make all your own pants from materials you find on the streets
  • Instead of going out to movies, punch people in the face at random
  • To save on Date Night, hate your spouse
  • Cancel your internet and talk about how you only read books to the disgust of all your friends
  • Never ever ever have a baby ever
  • Pickle every food you buy so it lasts forever
  • Downsize your home until you live in a wormhole between your closet and your job
  • Be a member of the 1% and then you get a lot of stuff for free anyway
Skylar January 21, 2014 at 10:55 pm

Make a food budget! And then once you’ve met that budget, start picking off the meatiest family members. Dinner for all!

Todd January 22, 2014 at 4:59 am

Make your own movies to offset the price of groceries.
They should probably have titles like “Weapons of Ass Destruction “.

Mayor Gia January 22, 2014 at 8:32 am

Grapes on sale? DIY WINE!
Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend’s Career Choices

Beth January 22, 2014 at 9:55 am

Eat nothing but those earth friendly packing peanuts. They’re made out of corn starch!!

Diaper the baby in your husband’s socks….just cut holes for their little legs and go.
Beth recently posted..Misadventures in Painting

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