The Business Equivalent Of An Abusive Relationship

09/08/2013 · 9 comments

in What Is Wrong With You?

Dear LOOK Cinemas,

Is your theatre run by a pack of wild dogs? By palsy-riddled giraffes with big dreams but little follow-through?

That’s the only fucking reason I can imagine why your theater is the way it is. You are a disaster.

Your own website stated that the 3 PM showing of Wolverine would be what you insolently refer to as a “Look’n’Dine” experience, with food from a very nice restaurant and a good movie. We even had to reserve seats in the special dine-in house online.

No fucking dice you goddamn shitbirds. Our theater was a lie with an overwhelming smell of wet drywall–regular theater, no dine-in, no reserved seating.

When we asked the ticket-ripper why this was the case, she said, and I quote, “I don’t know.” I responded with the reinforcement that it said on the website that it was a dine-in movie, and that I had reserved seats for one, she responded with, AND AGAIN I QUOTE, “I know.”

And then she turned around. It was the end of our conversation apparently, but not the end of your bullshit.

I was fucking starving, as it was 3 PM and I thought we were going to be able to order food, so we decided just to fucking deal (because hey, aren’t we being a little ridiculous?)n and buy concession food because we’re already here and surely it can’t get worse.

I got one hot dog, Adrian got one hamburger, and we split a small coke for TWENTY FIVE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DOLLARS. Are you aware of money? Apparently condiments are also not a thing you feel people want, so we lubed that dry-ass mini-hotdog with hatred.

Filled with emptiness at the thought of all the wasted money we’d already spent, we went into the theater which could be best described as “sad-sack board room.” This was where you really teabagged us with your lack of give-a-fuck.

The chair-backs inexplicably leaned forward and the seats refused to say down even when you sat in them, leading me to believe you don’t understand what a human body looks like or how one would comfortably watch a massive fucking screen while trying to fight a leather monster. I spent the next 2 hours (2 hours and 20 minutes if you count the fact that you were 20 minutes late to start the movie) with my knees jammed under the armrests and my back screaming just so I could be eye-to-eye with the bottom of the screen and not the floor.

I’ve never known a business who can’t wait to punish people for visiting them, but here I stand corrected. You’re like an abusive boyfriend, luring me in with dinners and movies and then punching me until I accept that I apparently deserve this kind of treatment.

Fuck you.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Dana the Biped: I spent the entire commute home yesterday, alone in my car, arguing with the TSA.
Corey September 9, 2013 at 12:11 am

Sorry for your craptastic experience, especially because it was Wolverine, but this is the best business review ever. Please tell me you sent them the link!

Mayor Gia September 9, 2013 at 6:43 am

Ha! They don’t even have those (dine-in theaters) by me. Have theaters started selling alcohol yet? I’m not going back until they start selling alcohol.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Birthday Cake Poll

nadine September 9, 2013 at 9:25 am

We have AMC dine-in theaters around here, and it’s touch and go.

Pros: alcohol, food, waffle fuckin sundaes, reserved cushy seats that are more comfortable than my house.
Cons: pretty lousy service 1/2 the time.

Not only is there booze, but they have theme-drinks for whatever the hot movie is, and I am all about that. My drink for the Hunger Games had a glowing thingee in it which was p cool.
nadine recently posted..This Is For Jeff

Bill G. September 9, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Yeah, that’s my AMC experience, too. Food and drink is alright but their employees all act like they’re 5 seconds away from dying of boredom. One time when I was getting my food I said “Thanks!” and the guy said to me, “Yeah, whatever…” Made me want to sock him in the fucking face.

Jen September 9, 2013 at 11:19 am

We have a whole chain of brewpubs/theaters in the Great Northwest called McMenamins. They are truly magical, I shit you not. http://www.mcmenamins.com/events/search/Movie
Their cajun tater tots and veggie burgers fill my blackened heart with so much goddamned glee.
Jen recently posted..Stupidest Crap Ever Spoken (Wait…doesn’t everyone discuss panda porn?)

Valerie September 9, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Wow… We have Dine In AMC theaters here that are not only glorious, but have certain rooms where children are not allowed. And they serve alcohol… It’s my happy place.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Hugs!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..Remember how effin’ AWESOME Slinkies were?!?! Yea, me neither…

Bill G. September 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm

As a single guy on the east coast, I liked the local Soap’n’Suds. It was a laundromat attached to a bar and grill. Genius!

Scarlett September 12, 2013 at 2:29 pm

FUCK THEM. (I laughed so hard at this though – sorry) x
Scarlett recently posted..Freshers Survival Guide.

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