It’s Funny Until You’re A Slytherin And Everyone Side-Eyes

09/02/2013 · 6 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This

Today at lunch:

Terry: I’m a Hufflepuff–I want to be. I want a Hufflepuff shirt.
Nick: I’m either a Gryffindor or a Ravenclaw.
Noa: Oh, the two coolest houses? Big surprise you think you’re a combo of both.
Nick: And you are?
Noa: Hufflepuff, motherfucker. Badger pride.
Nick: Lame.
Noa: Not lame. JK Rowling was sorted into Hufflepuff too!
Nick: That’s just what she tells everyone so Hufflepuffs don’t feel bad about being awful.
Terry: I just found a Sorting Hat quiz. Let’s settle this.

-10 Minutes of Silent Quiz Taking-

Noa: Hufflepuff!
Nick: Gryffindor!
Noa: Fair enough. Sorting hat is never wrong.
Nick: That’s very Hufflepuff of you to just kind of sit back and accept your fate. Just start a bonfire and roast marshmallows because it’s all cool man.
Terry: That sounds nice, actually.
Noa: At least I’m not arguing with the all-knowing Sorting Hat like some people. You know, Gryffindors.
Nick: Harry Potter was a Gryffindor.
Noa: Almost a Slytherin. Also? We have Cedric Diggory.
Nick: Had.
Noa: Touche.
Terry: What do you think Adrian is?
Noa: Slytherin. Nick, what do you think your girlfriend is?
Nick: Slytherin, probably.
Terry: They’re both terrible people?
Noa: Not all terrible. Not all Slytherins are bad. Half of Slytherin House joined the Battle of Hogwarts on the good side!
Terry: Once they figured out it would be most advantageous of them to join the good side, but that’s the only reason.
Noa: Touche.
Nick: When we go to Universal Studios, we’ll all get House Stuff and have a party and make everyone sit with their houses.
Noa: We’ll get class rings, too, and we’ll do a Butterbeer Ring Dunk at the Three Broomsticks!


Terry: You guys realize we’re all too goddamn old to do this, right?

And that’s why I can’t hold down a real job!

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Abby: I was helping a woman at work yesterday and I thought she was being a gigantic bitch. But about 10 minutes into the appointment I realised she just had a really heavy German accent and was only being a tiny little bitch. Then I realised that I didn’t care and stopped listening to her all together. Customer service is my THANG! 
Valerie September 2, 2013 at 7:54 am

You’re never to old to go to Universal Studios and run a fucktard of a muck in Harry Potter Land.

Mainly because I did that last year.


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Stephanie September 2, 2013 at 8:50 am

OK, I HAD find out what house I belong in. (Hufflepuff, though I really wanted Gryffindor) Best part? When I typed “sorting” into Google the first option that popped up was “sorting hat quiz”. Gotta love Google!

Ashton September 2, 2013 at 8:52 am

Badger Pride, mother fuckers! I just went to Harry Potter Studios in London and it was amazing. I felt super nerdy but was far from the oldest person there. No shame in your game!

Mayor Gia September 2, 2013 at 2:31 pm

HUFFLEPUFF is such a great word to shout. Especially randomly, at inappropriate times. Like in church.
Mayor Gia recently posted..WOOOHOOOO IT’S LABOR DAY!

Dana the Biped September 3, 2013 at 12:30 pm

Serious observation here: Slytherin’s mascot is a snake, and that makes sense. Ravenclaw’s is a raven, and that makes sense. Gryffindor’s is a lion, not a griffin, because fuck you, they’re Gryffindor! And Hufflepuff’s mascot is a badger, which has nothing to do with their house name whatsoever, but never mind, marshmallows are yummy!
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