Rally Hard

08/19/2013 · 25 comments

in I'm not funny here.

Sometimes everything is going to be a fucking piece of shit.

You’re going to fuck everything up. And for a long time (not in reality, but will feel like forever to you), you’re going to keep fucking up. Keep saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things. And you will live each and every minute wondering why you’re such a fuck-up. Why do you do these stupid things? Why do you never get it right? Why do you even exist if this is what you do?

Those terrible thoughts and feelings are gonna bleed into the rest of your life. Work will suffer. Relationships will suffer. Your hair will suffer. My salad preparation skills suffer immensely, and that depresses me even more.

The hardest part of these moments of drowning in humiliating hindsight is the fact that you have to keep living. You must go to work, see friends and family, eat, and live in the world. As much as you would like to sit in the dark forever and ever and remind yourself that you are the worst person in the world (in your head), you can’t stop those thoughts.

It’s in this moment that you have a choice. You can Black Out: stop living and live in the hollows of anger and self-loathing and frustration and humiliation forever. You’ll stop eating well or taking showers or sleeping normally. Black-Outs take the problems that you have and extend them to everything and take the remaining good from you.

Or, you can Rally Hard.

Every time, let that choice be to Rally Hard. Rallying is nothing more than realizing when you’re in the downward decline of something horrible and doing something about it. When you realize that you may start a grease fire, stop the fire. When you realize you may have said something bad to a friend, apologize and try to understand why you would have said something like that. When depression and anxiety and for me OCD and a host of other awful things start to take hold, go get help. Look at your situation, and take any step you can to move forward in tackling it. Own your situation, and Rally.

Rallying can be little–learning to be on time to places because you’ve developed a harmful pattern. It can be big–learning to talk to a therapist when you are getting dangerously out of control. It can be about anything at all, as long as you are working on the things you want to change in your life. Rally small, Rally big, just fucking Rally Hard.

As long as you’re Rallying, you’re winning the war on the awful. It doesn’t matter if it takes a day or your entire life, at least you were working. At least you were giving it Hell. At least you looked at your life and refused to let your own psyche bring you down forever. If you’re Rallying, you’re saying to yourself that there is an end to the awful that’s happening to and by you, that you believe something good is on the other end of you learning to improve yourself and your situation.

Rally Hard.

Dawnito August 19, 2013 at 8:55 am

I really needed this. Today. Thank you.

Noa August 20, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Me too. Glad it helped you!

nadine August 19, 2013 at 11:40 am

(cries into my keyboard) THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ME.
nadine recently posted..Lady Gaga: You Lost me on this one.

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Rally hard, Nadine! We all love you.

Jen August 19, 2013 at 11:46 am

I had a good friend ask for my honest opinion on something last night. I gave it. Now he hates me and has blocked my calls. I sent him an email apologizing but understand that I may have destroyed a seven-year friendship. I’m trying to rally…but am really having a tough go of it…
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Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:02 pm

This won’t help right now, I know, but fuck that person. You gave the honesty they wanted, and if they didn’t want to hear it, then they didn’t want honesty. You’re good people. Don’t forget it.

Mayor Gia August 19, 2013 at 12:10 pm

I like it! Very inspirational. I now want to run a marathon. Or at least take a shower.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Cat Laptop = Cattop?

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:03 pm

Get it, girl.

Johi Kokjohn-Wagner August 19, 2013 at 12:43 pm

You’re right. Don’t allow yourself to feel defeated. Get right back on that motherfucking horse that just pitched you into the dirt and ride hard.
Johi Kokjohn-Wagner recently posted..My Ulta Video Clip

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:05 pm

It’s rough as hell to not feel defeated, and the first step back on that horse will suck like hell, but hey, at least you did it.

Misty August 19, 2013 at 1:42 pm

I’m dealing with something right now that is forcing me to rally. I have no choice, really. Well, no logical choice. But the crawling into bed and hiding under the covers until the big bad world goes away is so very tempting. It gets a little better each day, the further I get away from “the incident” as it will come to be known. I’m trying, Noa. I am.
Misty recently posted..Our Milkshake Brings All the Freaks to the Yard

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

That’s the worst feeling–wanting to crawl into bed and knowing that you have so much you have to do. I’m sorry, I hope it gets better for you soon.

Abby August 19, 2013 at 2:47 pm

Yup. This is your(my) reality now, like it or not. Thank you for this.
Abby recently posted..A Letter to the One “Real” Bra That I Wear

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

We always seem to hit these patches at the same time, y’know?

Banana Stickers August 19, 2013 at 3:51 pm

This made my insides light up like a meth-lab explosion.
Fuck yeah for positive and inspirational things!
Banana Stickers recently posted..I don’t give a shit about your fancy baby

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:09 pm

FUCK YEAH

Allie August 19, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Oh the feels, Noa! THE FEELS!

This post definitely hits home for me, and for everyone I’m sure. We all have those moments of wanting to just give up–I know I do, like, daily. But I love the idea of giving it hell anyway. Look at you being all inspirational and shit!
Allie recently posted..I Saw Lady Gaga’s Vagina and Now I Hate Myself.

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:12 pm

I wrote this mostly as a pep talk to myself. I am glad that it doesn’t read as sad as I thought it did!

Dana the Biped August 20, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Do you work for the government, Noa? Did you tap my phone???
Dana the Biped recently posted..A Series of Unfortunate Eve–Wait. That title’s already taken.

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Yes.

Roxie August 20, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Would a nap help?

Noa August 20, 2013 at 9:14 pm

Yes it would.

Andrea August 21, 2013 at 8:46 am

Love this, Noa. So much. Thank you.

TurnScoot August 22, 2013 at 1:42 pm

I would kindly like you to stop stalking me… I know you are doing this because you seem to post exactly what I need to hear(read?) exactly when I need to hear(read?) it. No… really… exactly. Also… i am sure my husband would thank you too if he knew you were stalking me… since you just saved my marriage. Stalker.

fat satsuma August 26, 2013 at 7:02 pm

This post itself was a Rally Hard. Thanks.

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