My niece’s first birthday is coming up soon, and my mom and sister are busy picking out napkins and plates and cupcakes and other assorted nonsense for a baby.
I, being the hateful and dark-hearted person that I am, cannot just jump on board and be happy like a normal person. This is the conversation Grace and I had:
Grace: Well, I decided what the first birthday party theme will be.
Noa: The futility of life?
Grace: I sense a joke-off coming.
The theme she actually chose is adorable and baby appropriate, but I’m still holding out hope that I can sway her into a better theme. Shall we try? Add your submissions into the comments below–we’ll vote tomorrow!
Joke-Off: Wholly Inappropriate First Birthday Party Themes
- My Little Internet Predator
- We Stole You
- Law and Order: SVU
- The Functions Of A Post Office
- The Patriarchy Means You’ll Never Get Paid Well
- Martin Luther King, Jr
- Fake It ‘Til You Make It: The Story Of How We Dealt With Your First Year
- Historical Infant Mortality Means You Win By Being Here Today
- Herd Immunity And Rich White People
- Already Disappointing
- You Didn’t Save Our Relationship
- Nightmares Can Come True
- Bad Advice Got Us Here
- Coughs and Sneezes
- American Ninja Warrior
- Mommy’s Dead Inside
- Peaked Already
- Dinosaurs And Herpes Sores: Realistic Life Expectations
- Lightning Rod of Resentment
- You’re Less Fun Than Pregnancy
- Pinterest Breakdown
- We Only Had You For the Photos
- Probable Apocalypse Scenarios
- Breaking Bad
- Pimps N Hoes
- Slut It Up
- Pole Dance Lessons
- Stephen King Novels