Joke-Off: Obvious Facts

08/13/2013 · 17 comments

in Joke Off

I’m fucking sick to death of trivia posts. I’ve hit my limit for facts about things. I don’t give a shit about the 13 things I never knew about Antarctica, or the 37 things I can learn from Orange Is The New Black. I don’t fucking care anymore.

So, when Tastefully Offensive ran these obvious facts, I was in love, and I knew that you guys wouldn’t disappoint. Add your submissions into the comments, and we’ll vote for the queen of the obvious tomorrow.

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Joke-Off: Obvious Facts

  • Potatoes taste like mashed potatoes
  • Snow isn’t the dandruff of God
  • Rain will make your driveway wet
  • Humans have 2 legs, but can survive with one or none at all
  • Jeff Goldblum is not actually a bloom of gold
  • The ocean contains many fish
  • Persons of caucasian descent are called Caucasians
  • People who watch Fast and Furious are bad drivers
  • Rainbows are not actually bows made of rain
  • Gravity holds us onto the planet, not the constant wishes and hopes of mankind
  • Iced Tea is a drink made from hot tea that you put ice into
  • Apple Jacks are neither apples nor jacks
  • French Toast can be eaten in any country
  • McDonald’s stops serving breakfast at 10:30
  • Shower Gel is a type of soap, and not a shower contained in a gel
  • Labradoodles are not rough sketches of labradors
  • Teacup Pigs cannot be used to drink tea from
  • Grape flavouring tastes like disappointment
  • Carbonation is what causes drinks to fizz
  • Slurpees and Slushies are the same thing
  • Popcorn is a special type of corn that, when heated, pops
  • Mario Batali is not the main character from Super Mario
  • Christian Bale played Batman in Batman Begins, as well as The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises
  • A marker is called a marker because you use it to mark with
  • Poop is the concentrated remains of food that you ate and your body did not use
  • Babies are tiny adults, and not a separate human species
  • Goldfish are not made of gold
  • Seals, the animal, cannot be used to hold boxes and letters closed
  • A hair dryer can be used to dry hair and also blow hot air into a room
  • A tostada is a taco without integrity
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Amy – Funny is Family: I’m blowing you right now. I’ve done it like four times this week. DO NOT tell my husband I’m capable of that kind of fellatio schedule. Being in this book with you and the other smart and funny women is such an honor for me. Kind of like going on a date with that super cool upperclassman. That probably explains all the bjs.
Todd August 14, 2013 at 12:47 am

Chicken of The Sea is not really Chicken. Or maybe it is.
Todd recently posted..Tiny Little A-Hole Brain

Todd August 14, 2013 at 12:48 am

Jessica Simpson is not necessarily found on The Simpsons.
Todd recently posted..Tiny Little A-Hole Brain

Mayor Gia August 14, 2013 at 6:47 am

Dr. Who is a Television Show. Many people watch it.

You can find pornography on the internet.

Carly Rae Jepson does not actually want you to call her, maybe. It’s just a song.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Student Loans are Bullshit

Janene August 14, 2013 at 9:27 am

Bullshit can be shit from a bull, but, when used in conversation, its usually meant to convey disbelief.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:54 am

Highways aren’t necessarily high.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:55 am

It won’t help you walk if you lean on a Candy Cane.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:56 am

Calling someone a Munchkin, means they’re short, not a donut hole.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:57 am

It’s best to wear sunglasses when you’re in a sunny place.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:58 am

You will still get wet, if you use a smile as your umbrella.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 11:59 am

Carpet is not a pet that you keep in a car, or a living car that you feed and take to the vet.

Roxie August 14, 2013 at 12:01 pm

Hitting the monitor, when the computer isn’t working is unfair. The monitor was working. You should hit the computer tower.

asp August 14, 2013 at 3:04 pm

Saying “I could care less” means that you actually COULD care less

Jen August 14, 2013 at 3:59 pm

Ignorance isn’t really bliss, you’re just too stupid to know the difference.

Patchouli smells like hipsters and apathy.

Nicholas Sparks makes girls cry.

Peanut butter may contain nuts.
Jen recently posted..The Mouse In The House

asp August 14, 2013 at 5:17 pm

This is not a pipe

This is a self-referential sentence.

The internet is for porn

Even though this statement begins with “because” it is false.

Valerie August 14, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Self portraits posted on the internets are for attention, not for ducks.

Hugs!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..Why I will never be as cool as my 6 year old…

Bill G. August 14, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Two wrongs don’t make a right but three rights make a left.

Guillermina January 23, 2014 at 11:36 pm

3single (dot) com is a great site. It also has live chat so you can chat to other people online. Good luck.

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