Joke Off: Diagnoses/Phobias For Fictional Characters

08/07/2013 · 14 comments

in Joke Off

Do you guys know Abby? You should, because she’s hilarious and I love her and if you aren’t reading her you’re missing out on some of the most fantastic blogging available.

She came up with a post lately describing the possible mental diagnoses for several fictional characters, and with her permission, we’re gonna try to out-funny one another in the same game. All fictional characters are messed the fuck up you guys, and there’s a fucking insane gif ripe for the taking. Add your submissions into the comments below, and we’ll vote tomorrow!

Joke Off: Diagnoses/Phobias For Fictional Characters

  • Alice: Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, Schizoid Tendencies
  • Alice: Pica
  • The White Rabbit: Meth Addiction
  • Cinderella: Fear Of Step-Mothers
  • The Evil Queen From Snow White: Fear of Imperfection
  • Deadpool: Fear Of Nuclear Weapons
  • Cyclops: Fear Of Eyes
  • John Smith: Fear of Colors, Fear of Wind
  • Pocahontas: Fear Of English Culture
  • Nosferatu: Fear Of Mirrors
  • Dean and Sam Winchester: Codependency, Fear Of Hell
  • Dean Winchester: Fear Of Hell
  • Sam Winchester: Fear Of Heaven
  • Harry Potter: Paranoid Personality Disorder, Fear of Scars, Fear of Noses
  • Thor: Fear Of Cutting Hair
  • Snow White: Fear Of Forests
  • Belle: Bibliomania
  • The Doctor: Fear of Loneliness
  • John Watson: Dependent Personality Disorder
  • Beast: Agoraphobia, Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Buttercup: Fear Of Bald Men
  • Rocky: Fear Of Russians
  • Voldemort: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
  • Mulan: Fear Of Marriage
  • Captain Malcolm Reynolds: Fear Of Women
  • April O’Neil: Bestiality
  • Aurora: Childhood Amnesia Syndrome
  • Flora, Fauna, Merryweather: Munchausen’s By Proxy
  • Carrie: Pyromania
  • Bruce Banner: Fear of Rage
  • Steve Rogers: Fear Of New Technology
  • Prince Eric: Fear Of Shellfish
  • Piglet: Fear Of Everything
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Jen: When I first read this I thought it said “Fucking the Shit Out of Life” and I thought “Oh HELLZ yeah!” Then it was about folk dancing…and pretzels… but now I want to get laid by a hot German guy, so it’s all good.
Todd August 7, 2013 at 2:12 am

Porky The Pig: Fear Of Pants
Todd recently posted..Tiny Little A-Hole Brain

Mayor Gia August 7, 2013 at 5:47 am

Belle: Stockholm Syndrome (SERIOUSLY, right?!)
Eeyore: Major depression
Mayor Gia recently posted..The Adventures of Office Creep Continue

Mayor Gia August 7, 2013 at 5:48 am

Donald Duck: Anger management issues.
Mayor Gia recently posted..The Adventures of Office Creep Continue

Jen August 7, 2013 at 6:45 am


RAPUNZEL:trichatollimania (inability to stop dicking with your hair)

SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOM: narcissistic personality disorder

HANSEL & GRETEL: abandonment issues

ALICE: anorexia (“one bite of cake won’t REALLY make you that big, Honey”)

ARIEL: “Look at this stuff! Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collections complete?”. (Ummm, Bitch, no. You’re a hoarder).
Jen recently posted..Who Are These People and Why do I Still Hang Out with Them?

Misty August 7, 2013 at 2:18 pm

Damn you, bitch, for putting that song in my head!
Misty recently posted..Bloggers, Bronies and Baseball

Tabitha Crow August 7, 2013 at 8:48 am

Mulan – Gender Identity Disorder

Barbie – Anorexia/Bulemia, Daddy Issues, Multiple Personality Disorder

Dory – Short Term Memory Loss, Acute Paranoia

Tigger – ADHD

Winnie The Pooh – Addiction Issues

He-Man – either Identity Disorder or Multiple Personality Disorder

Pepe LePew – Nymphomania

Tweety Bird/Sylvester & Road Runner/Coyote – Passive Agressive Codependancy
Tabitha Crow recently posted..Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho. It’s Back To School I Go

Abby August 7, 2013 at 9:44 am

“Pepe LePew – Nymphomania”

Holy crap, that is genius.
Abby recently posted..Introducing ‘Veginem’

Tabitha Crow August 7, 2013 at 9:06 am

Speedy Gonzales – Meth Addict

Tazmanian Devil – Bipolar

Sleepy (from Snow White) – Narcolepsy *Actually, all of those dwarves had some head issues…

Dumbo – Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Bella (Twilight) – Hypochondriac with Martyr Issues
Tabitha Crow recently posted..Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho. It’s Back To School I Go

Tabitha Crow August 7, 2013 at 9:42 am

Almost forgot:
Melman (Madagascar) – Hypochondria

Scrappy Doo – Napoleonic Complex

Ariel – (not just Hoarding) Kleptomania (Abu from Aladdin also suffers from this)

Pinocchio – Pathalogical Lying

And finally…..

Peter Pan – Peter Pan Syndrome

(I know, I know. Apparently I don’t have anything else to do today besides this…)
Tabitha Crow recently posted..Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho. It’s Back To School I Go

Bellum August 7, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Winnie the Pooh- diabetes
Rabbit- OCD
Cinderella’s Prince- foot fetish
Batman-vocal nodules

Dana the Biped August 7, 2013 at 3:43 pm

Trix Rabbit: Diabetes
Barbie: Plasticity
Edward Cullen: Glitterybullshitosis
Princess Tiana: Frog Breath
Dracula: Rigor Mortis
Dana the Biped recently posted..Life Lessons

Chooplah August 7, 2013 at 4:14 pm

The Hunchback of Notre Dame – Tennis Elbow
Chooplah recently posted..7 Signs Your Life Isn’t Perfect

Bellum August 7, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Max from Max and Ruby – oppositional defiance disorder

Ruby from Max and Ruby- committed patricide and matricide

Mandi August 7, 2013 at 9:33 pm

The Adults in Footloose- Chorophobia(fear of dancing)

Brick Tamland-Ligyrophobia (loud noises!)

Michael Phelps Speedo- fear of HD digital zoom

Paris Hilton-bathophobia(fear of depth)

Playboy Bunnies- Necrophelia

Donald Trumps Hair Piece- performance anxiety

All the friends who ALWAYS make sure I get shotgun- Mandibarfsincarsphobia

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