Joke-Off: The Royal Baby’s Name

07/09/2013 · 23 comments

in Joke Off

You know those people on Facebook who say, “WHOO EVEN CARES ABOUT TH ROYAL FAMILY. I MEAN PAY ATTENTIAN TO OUR OWN COUNTRY. AMERICA!” I feel weird about those types of statements. That’s like not traveling because you’ve not seen all of your city yet, or watching only American movies because you are American.


Holy shit do I love a good Princess. You damned right I stayed up and watched their wedding. You bet I read all about her latest fashions and happenings. You fucking know that I am excited to see this goddamn royal baby.

The only thing I hate knowing is that it’s going to have such a lame baby name because of, you know, history. Let’s give Kate some better ideas. Add your entries into the comments below. We’ll vote tomorrow, winner announced on Friday!

Joke-Off: The Royal Baby’s Name

  • Her Majesty Better Than Beyonce
  • Sir Go Fuck Yourself With A Coronet OH WAIT
  • Lord Never Have A Job
  • The Prince Classroom Snacks Must Be Local Sourced And Gilded
  • Count Made Of Money
  • The Duchess Of Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead In Jeans
  • His Highness of Born Cooler Than You Can Ever Be
  • Lord Junglegym Is Mine Motherfuckers III
  • Lady Baby Crown
  • Countess Of Better Birthdays Than You Could Ever Dream Of
  • Princess Your Kid Isn’t A Royal
  • Prince Probable Criminal Record
  • His Majesty Already Has A Pony
  • Her Highness Platinum Spoon
  • Lord Black AmEx At Birth
  • Lady Fuck You Kanye West
  • Prince More Accomplished Than You Are Already
  • Duchess Top-Notch Genes
  • Lady Looks Down On You
  • Sir Fast Track
  • Princess Doesn’t Have To Try
  • Lord Media Training At Two
  • Lady Charmed Life
  • His Highness Male Pattern Balding
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Abby: The logical solution is to burn your house down, but if that’s not an option I would go with the exterminator. When I bought my house it turns out they had bees living under the rain gutters that liked to sneak into the room I would eventually claim as my bedroom. Dead bodies on the pillow? Not so much. Now bug dude sprays four times a year because I’m a wimp and I don’t want to die and since the bees won’t make me their Queen, there’s not enough room for us all at this joint. God speed, my friend. 
Lilscorpiosweet July 9, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Their Highness’ Snotty nose, Their Highness’ Poopy Pants, Their Highness’ Blanket, Duchess of I’m a better Fashionista than Victoria Beckham, Duke of Family Scandal worse than Harry. Duchess of Off with their heads, Duke of Earl Grey Tea. Duke runs with his willy out. Count De Money. Lady I am a Better Princess than my cousins. Lady Money Bags, Lord or Lady I will never have to worry about anything for the rest of my life.
Lilscorpiosweet recently posted..Spelling! What the Fuck is wrong with you?

Todd July 9, 2013 at 11:14 pm

Lord Diamond Balls
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Todd July 9, 2013 at 11:17 pm

Princess Future Asshole
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Todd July 9, 2013 at 11:19 pm

Sir Douche

I like this one.
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Mayor Gia July 9, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Princess Bluest Ivy
Mayor Gia recently posted..Burned Again!

Kristi July 10, 2013 at 12:57 am

Because I’m A Princess, Fuck Off

Royal Pain In Daddy’s Ass

Prince David Tennant (for the Doc Who fans)

Miss My Poops Are More Famous Than You
Kristi recently posted..Tips To Keeping Your Kids Happy At The Movie Theater

Tabitha Crow July 10, 2013 at 8:41 am

Prince/Princess Better Than Any KarTRASHian
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Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:08 am


Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:09 am


Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:46 am


Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:48 am

Baby Giraffe

Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:49 am


Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:50 am

Doctor Teeth

Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:51 am


Roxie July 10, 2013 at 9:52 am

Squinty McGee

Jen July 10, 2013 at 10:27 am

The Royal Formerly Known As Prince

Devon July 10, 2013 at 11:50 am

Princess Away With You, Proletariat

Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Years of Inbreeding

His Majesty, The Duke of KNEEL BEFORE ME!!

nadine July 10, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Princess with the least Incest

Half-blood Prince
nadine recently posted..My To-Do is Ridic.

Misty July 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm

Dutchess off with their heads

Princess I could be named FartFace and it would still be better than North West

Dutchess who will constantly be compared to Diana and forced to live up to her legacy

Prince who gives a fuck

Duke arrested in Las Vegas

Count diplomatic immunity

Price gold plated and diamond encrusted codpiece
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Valerie July 10, 2013 at 6:20 pm

princess douchess

Prince Big Papa

Prince Flava Flav

Viking Beard


Valerie recently posted..Hello there, Old Friend. It’s been a while…

Emily July 10, 2013 at 6:22 pm

North West

Janene July 10, 2013 at 8:27 pm



Bill G. July 10, 2013 at 11:04 pm

- Butt-Rocket McGhee
– Sir Fuck-A-Lot
– The Duchess of Dork
– Sir Fartigan
– My Shit Gets an AP Newsflash
– My parents hate me but a $300,000 car in the driveway, the ability to fly to any resort in the world with a single intercom buzz to my butler, and living in a house bigger and more expensive than Microsoft Headquarters cures a lot of ills

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