Joke Off: Awesome/Terrible First Date Ideas

07/30/2013 · 20 comments

in Joke Off

Is there anything more memorable than a first date?

No, because they’re always awkward and strange no matter what. You don’t know what to talk about or how to move your hands or if you kiss or if you have sex and if you do how do you do this with this person. Even if you end up marrying them, it’s weird.

People romanticize first dates entirely too much. If it’s gonna be awkward, we might as well make it memorable. Add your entries into the list below, and we’ll vote for the winner tomorrow!

Joke Off: Awesome/Terrible First Date Ideas

  • Take turns whipping one another while shouting secrets
  • Leap through hoops of fire until all of one person’s clothes are burned away
  • Have the date on one roller coaster, never getting off and shouting conversation until the date is over
  • Nude Beach
  • Go back in time and kill Hitler
  • Make a porn together
  • Perform a shot-for-shot remake of You’ve Got Mail
  • Hang glide off the tallest building in town and try to both land at the same Starbucks
  • Eat uncooked chicken, see if you can tolerate the other person’s sickness
  • Go see a foreign film, shout off-subject racial slurs the entire time
  • Dinner at your local place that serves bugs
  • Mexico
  • Take a walk in the park and leave a trail of condoms to find your way back to your car
  • Set small fires together
  • Adopt a child together
  • Visit CostCo to legitimately shop together and try not to be weirded out by the things the other person needs in bulk
  • Visit a Farmer’s Market and try not to be a douche
  • Go play in an arcade, then don’t wash your hands and go eat finger foods
  • Take a boxing class together, but go 20’s style bare-knuckle
  • Go to a Zoo and upon entering, state all the animals you’d like to fuck
  • Watch Birdemic together
  • Escape from L.A.
  • Take a drive in the county and play Bingo with body-dump sites
  • Visit a Dominatrix and state your list of sexual fantasies to see if you’re creeped out or not
  • Go to a museum and have a ball/boob touch-on-artifact race

I’m amazed I’m married.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Misty: Oooh, I’ve seen those red skinny jeans. Muy caliente! Eat the cereal, Noa.
Todd July 31, 2013 at 12:30 am

Not sure, but it should definitely involve spanking.
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Todd July 31, 2013 at 12:32 am

Brazilian Steakhuuse, then nude Speed Twister.
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Todd July 31, 2013 at 12:34 am

Meet for breakfast w/ bedface, and get that shit out of the way.
Todd recently posted..Angry fat pool boys

Tabitha Crow July 31, 2013 at 8:18 am

Surprise “Meet The Parents” so you can tell if you want them as future in-laws.

Streaking, followed by being arrested for indecent exposure. But hey, at least you’ll have a photo to remember your first date!
Tabitha Crow recently posted..Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho. It’s Back To School I Go

Dana the Biped July 31, 2013 at 9:44 am

Traffic court

Couple’s massage and therapy
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Mayor Gia July 31, 2013 at 10:39 am

Watch a Honey Boo Boo Marathon then reenact the Mama June/Sugabear sexytime scenes with a hostess cake.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Vacation!

nadine July 31, 2013 at 10:53 am

any date from the show “Pregnant and Dating”

Roxie July 31, 2013 at 11:16 am

Mole check!

Roxie July 31, 2013 at 11:17 am

Star in episode of Who Do You Think You Are

Roxie July 31, 2013 at 11:20 am

Say that you’re going to plant a tree, neglect to say that you’ll be burying your dead pet under said tree.

Roxie July 31, 2013 at 11:21 am

Ring shopping… nose ring.

Roxie July 31, 2013 at 11:23 am

First day of cutting out caffeine.

Chooplah July 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm

coffee enemas
have him help you shop for maternity clothes
get matching Frasier tattoos

But this was my best first date ever:
Chooplah recently posted..7 Signs Your Life Isn’t Perfect

Misty July 31, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Be 2 virgins watching Basic Instinct together.

(Actual first date that was VERY uncomfortable, because there are A LOT of sex scenes ^^^)
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Todd July 31, 2013 at 2:17 pm

Thanksgiving with extended family! FOR THE WIN
Todd recently posted..Tiny Little A-Hole Brain

ColinP July 31, 2013 at 2:25 pm

Put a control with a little green light, a single red button and a little whip antenna on the table in front of him/her and say the following “You have a choice; You can choose to push the button or you can choose not to push the button…”
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

Jen July 31, 2013 at 5:57 pm

*Rent “Happy Gilmore” and do a shot every time they say “Shooter McGavin”

*Rent a windowless van and drive past the local playgrounds. Slowly. With intent.

*Two words: Naked paintball.
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Angela July 31, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Ikea. If you make it out alive and still tolerate each other, you’ve won the dating lottery.

Kitty July 31, 2013 at 7:00 pm

Send your date on an elaborate scavenger hunt with more and more obscure clues, if they fail, take them to dinner anyway but mock them for their failures the entire time.

Go to the SAT’s together then fall asleep over chinese food.

Oh wait that second one WAS my first date, good times
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Kathleen July 31, 2013 at 9:41 pm

Get drunk in a deer-tick-filled field and then go tip some cows.

Have a staring contest.

“The Crow” marathon.

“Forget” your wallet so the girl you asked out to McDonalds has to pay. THEN spend the rest of the evening showing her your fantasy sword collection…Yeah.

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