Conversations With My Logic: The Cereal

07/28/2013 · 8 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This, Psychological Warfare, What Is Wrong With Me

“Hey, Noa, are you hungry?”
“Yeah. It’s dinnertime. I guess I should start thinking about what I want to–”
“You need to eat cereal.”
“…No. Logic, cereal is gross and I hate it and I don’t want it for dinner again. I had it for dinner the past 4 nights in a row and I’m tired of eating cardboard.”
“C’mon sweetcheeks, you have like, 7 different cereals. You can pick and choose and make it a great meal. Like a cereal suicide.”
“Suicide?”
“Eh, whatever floats your boat, darlin’.”
“No matter what kind it is, cereal all tastes exactly the same. It’s just crunchy and sugary and it tastes like wheat and mediocrity. I can’t do that again.”
“Just add some milk to it then, Noa. That’ll make it all better, just lube it up a little for you. Just…add…milk…”
“Fuck off, Logic. That makes it a million times worse. Then it’s a soggy and yet still shit-flavored bowl of broken promises. Jump out of my ass about it.”
“Eat the cereal.”
“No.”
“Eat. Your fucking. Cereal. Asshole.”
“Step the fuck back, Logic.”
“Noa. Eat the goddamn cereal. You have to lose weight and this is the only diet you will put yourself on, you dumbshit. You can lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks with cereal or you can be an asshole and never wear those red skinny jeans again. Your move, asshole.”
“I’m gonna eat a salad.”
“Whatever, bitch.”

This is every night in my house in my head.

Chooplah July 29, 2013 at 10:44 am

I put water in my cereal when I was dieting. If you ever want to know what a Chihuahua’s asshole tastes like, try it.
Chooplah recently posted..7 Signs Your Life Isn’t Perfect

Roxie July 29, 2013 at 11:08 am

Just order a pizza!

Dana the Biped July 29, 2013 at 11:13 am

I like soggy frosted wheats. I feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Hiatus

Abby July 29, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Buy a loaf of bread, a jar of quality nut butter (don’t snicker at that term) and bananas. Assemble. Problem solved.

But speaking of cereal, I saw this and loved it. Enjoy. http://www.foodiggity.com/if-rappers-had-their-own-cereal-brand/
Abby recently posted..Where’s Waldo? Probably in Therapy

Dave in Sherman July 29, 2013 at 1:24 pm

I am doing the 800 cal. soup diet thing. I cheat a lot.
Dave
Dave in Sherman recently posted..Week #3

Lana July 29, 2013 at 1:29 pm

There is no freakin way that you ate a salad!!!

Misty July 29, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Oooh, I’ve seen those red skinny jeans. Muy caliente!

Eat the cereal, Noa.
Misty recently posted..Invasion of the Fruit Snatchers

Tans July 30, 2013 at 9:39 am

Cereal and I have a love affair, and we only meet when my husband is at work. He’s a firefighter pulling 24 hour shifts every third day. Every third day dinner is a no brainer. Captain Crunch and I get hot and heavy sometimes more than my husband and I do…
Tans recently posted..Our Town (updated 7.28)

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