Conversations With My Logic: The Cereal

07/28/2013 · 8 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This,Psychological Warfare,What Is Wrong With Me

“Hey, Noa, are you hungry?”
“Yeah. It’s dinnertime. I guess I should start thinking about what I want to–”
“You need to eat cereal.”
“…No. Logic, cereal is gross and I hate it and I don’t want it for dinner again. I had it for dinner the past 4 nights in a row and I’m tired of eating cardboard.”
“C’mon sweetcheeks, you have like, 7 different cereals. You can pick and choose and make it a great meal. Like a cereal suicide.”
“Suicide?”
“Eh, whatever floats your boat, darlin’.”
“No matter what kind it is, cereal all tastes exactly the same. It’s just crunchy and sugary and it tastes like wheat and mediocrity. I can’t do that again.”
“Just add some milk to it then, Noa. That’ll make it all better, just lube it up a little for you. Just…add…milk…”
“Fuck off, Logic. That makes it a million times worse. Then it’s a soggy and yet still shit-flavored bowl of broken promises. Jump out of my ass about it.”
“Eat the cereal.”
“No.”
“Eat. Your fucking. Cereal. Asshole.”
“Step the fuck back, Logic.”
“Noa. Eat the goddamn cereal. You have to lose weight and this is the only diet you will put yourself on, you dumbshit. You can lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks with cereal or you can be an asshole and never wear those red skinny jeans again. Your move, asshole.”
“I’m gonna eat a salad.”
“Whatever, bitch.”

This is every night in my house in my head.

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