You Can Tell It’s Bullshit By The Tassel Hats

06/17/2013 · 14 comments

in I'm A Terrible Person, Psychological Warfare, Social Services

Every High School Graduation Ever copy

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Dana the Biped: There is now pee in that pool.
Todd June 17, 2013 at 1:49 am

I skipped my graduation to spend the summer getting paid to tour with a cover band. But I have played “Pomp and Circumstance” for 45 minutes straight. Yeeeeeesh!!!
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Mayor Gia June 17, 2013 at 10:02 am

But it just seemed SO IMPORTANT at the time…
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jules June 17, 2013 at 10:58 am

At our graduation, we were supposed to process in BY HEIGHT. As luck would have it, my entire group of friends just happened to be the exact same height* and got to sit next to each other during the entire godforsaken ceremony.
*No, absolutely not. Like, at all.

Devin June 17, 2013 at 12:54 pm

You pegged it. Right down to the damn Green Day song.

Dana the Biped June 17, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Ha, I can always tell when you haven’t got much to pick from, comments-wise.

My sister’s high school graduation was actually pretty interesting. The valedictorian’s speech was all about how much she hated the school and every single person in it, and how nothing they learned was really going to help them in the real world, and it lasted close to ten minutes. None of the administrators knew what to do, so they just let her keep going.

To be fair, it was a pretty accurate assessment.
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Bill G. June 17, 2013 at 11:05 pm

The salutatorian at my high school also gave the fuck-everybody speech and I too am surprised they didn’t rush the stage and drag her off. 98% of my high school class are a bunch of stuck-up trust-fund babies and I don’t care if I ever see them again. The only purpose of high school was to keep them out of mom and dad’s hair as much as possible. It was a parade of people utterly bored with life. If that’s what coming from a rich family does for you, they can fucking have it.

Skylar June 17, 2013 at 1:42 pm

My graduation had five of those things. But, technically, I was the only one who picked our recessional song.

Abby June 17, 2013 at 3:22 pm

I had the flu the day of graduation and passed out in the hallway before the ceremony, waking up in a pool of sweat with 200 classmates–half of them probably high–looking up my white dress. Got my diploma from the paramedic. BAM! That’s how I roll.
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Bill G. June 17, 2013 at 10:29 pm

That’s how I should’ve done it. I’m one of the legion of idiots who sat through 3 hours bullshit while screaming in my head, “Just gimme the fucking paper already! You’re bored, the parents are bored, the students are bored, we’re all willing to get several paper cuts and pour lemon juice on them if it will end this shit–it’s the only thing we all agree on in life, let’s call it a fucking day already.”

Valerie June 17, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Shit. I slept right thru all of this.



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Bill G. June 17, 2013 at 10:24 pm

Realize your dreams and shoot for the stars–while bagging groceries for some flaming asshole that has to tell you what you’re doing wrong every step of the way and you are picturing his and your boss’s head in matching bowling bags.

Zane June 18, 2013 at 2:43 am

I skipped my graduation, and the senior formal.

Actually, I might even have managed to piss off on my holiday to Brazil before that point.

I DO remember my year advisor calling me at home to ask why I’d not bought tickets to the senior formal dinner, and he was quite taken aback with the reply: “Because I will be seeing anyone I actually want to see again anyway, and I have plane tickets to book.”
Zane recently posted..Another voice, screaming its futility into the Void.

Molly Dugger Brennan June 18, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Okay Noa, this is officially brilliant. Hated high school, skipped senior prom, couldn’t wait to put it all in my rear view mirror, and thought the graduation ceremony was an endurance test. Brava!
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