Joke-Off: Honest High-School Superlatives

06/12/2013 · 23 comments

in Joke Off

I spent last night at a High School Graduation that was as soul-sucking as I remember my own being. It’s all the same: you’re proud of your graduate, and everyone else and their speeches can go fuck themselves right in the tassholes. My favorite part (besides reading the large number of stupid names and the show choir presentation of Don’t You from The Breakfast Club) was reading the superlatives in the program. Mr. Popular? Miss Personality? Most Likely To Succeed?

Lies. All of them. Let’s be honest about these. Put your submissions in the comments below! We vote for the winner tomorrow–and they get an internet-prize!

Joke-Off: Honest High-School Superlatives

  • Most Likely To Drop Out Midway Through Freshman Year For Being Homesick
  • Mr. Dick
  • Hiding A Pregnancy Queen
  • Miss Thinks Her High School Romance Will Last
  • Most Likely To Drink In Class
  • Mr. Douchebag
  • Most Likely To Star on Bridezillas
  • Miss Lifetime Mean Girl
  • Miss Popularity Based Solely On A Lack Of Personality
  • Most Likely To Have Already Peaked
  • Most Likely To Be The Most Excited About The Reunion
  • Mr. Future Date Rape Offender
  • Miss Finds Herself In Portland
  • Most Likely To Be The Only Good Thing Coming Out Of Here
  • Valedictorian (Of A Mid-Level Public High School…So, You Know…That)
  • Most Likely To Discover Weed
  • Most Likely To Have Sexually Misused 50-60% of Chemistry Equipment
  • Biggest Personality Disorder
  • Mr. Mouth Breather
  • Most Likely To Not Remember Senior Trip
  • Miss Daddy’s Dime Forever
  • Most Likely To End Up On Maury
  • Miss Needlessly Dramatic
  • Most Likely To Be Arrested In Thailand On A Sex Trip 30 Years From Now
  • Most Likely To Have Nervous Breakdown In College
  • Most Likely To Be Seen At The Spearmint Rhino
  • Miss Bruised Knees
  • Mr. Compensation

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
Dana The Biped: It just occurred to me that “Pussy POW” sounds like an all-female wrestling federation. Their tag line would be, “I’d hit that.”
Todd June 12, 2013 at 2:58 am

Most Likely to Show Up a Bald Fatass at the 2043 Reunion
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Todd June 12, 2013 at 3:01 am

Most Likely to Invoke the Response “Holy shit, what happened to her?!?!”
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Todd June 12, 2013 at 3:04 am

p.s. – Noa, I’ve had music on Maury since 1998. No lie!

todzillamusic.com

LOL
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Scarlett June 12, 2013 at 3:10 am

Haha, these are amazing. What about, The one most likely to own his own company… but then get repeatedly sued for sexual harassment int he workplace x
Scarlett recently posted..Your Wedding Guest List

Mayor Gia June 12, 2013 at 6:55 am

Miss Prom Night Dumpster Baby
Most Likely to Show Up in a Porno
Mayor Gia recently posted..Tattoos for Boyfriend

Todd June 12, 2013 at 12:40 pm

After “Miss Prom Night Dumpster Baby” I might as well not even try anymore.
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Tabitha Crow June 12, 2013 at 8:40 am

Most Likely To Be a Serial Killer
Most Likely To End Up On The FBI’s Most Wanted Poster (at least *someone* wants them)
Tabitha Crow recently posted..Sleep. Or The Lack Thereof.

Haley June 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

Mr. Friendzone
Miss I Got Around
Haley recently posted..Shit My Boss Says

Cheryl S. June 12, 2013 at 8:59 am

Most likely to experiment with Lesbianism in college

Mr. Most likelyto have the most ex-wives

Most likely to be a cougar at the reunion

Most likely to have “Al Bundy” syndrome (When I played football in HS. . . . )

Most likely to live in his mom’s basement.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:02 am

Most likely to have spirit broken after first job.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:03 am

Most likely to change “Life-long Dream” 7 times.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:04 am

Most likely to still be a virgin at the 25 year reunion.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:04 am

Most likely to gain a hundred pounds.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:05 am

Most likely to become a member of the Teabag Party.

Roxie June 12, 2013 at 10:06 am

Most likely to become a blogger.

Todd June 12, 2013 at 11:49 am

Most Likely To Be The Baby Daddy
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Todd June 12, 2013 at 12:41 pm

Most Likely to Get A Tattoo of Winnie The Pooh
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Todd June 12, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Most Likely To Need A Ride-On Mower to Get To The Back Of Walmart
Todd recently posted..If twitter was 10,000 years old

Dana the Biped June 12, 2013 at 1:02 pm

Most Likely To Blame Their Farts On You

Most Likely To Use “Your” Instead Of “You’re”
Dana the Biped recently posted..I used to weep drunkenly into my keyboard, obviously.

Banana Stickers June 12, 2013 at 1:35 pm

“Most likely to get a sex change”
“Most likely to become a Scientologist”
“Most likely to put a pubic hair in your sandwich”
“Miss Daddy Issues”
Banana Stickers recently posted..I have a horrible case of the kittens.

Kate June 12, 2013 at 3:53 pm

Most Likely to Be Driving People Just as Crazy Sixty Years from Now
(Can you tell that I work in a nursing home?)

Valerie June 12, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Most likely to hear Maury say “You ARE the father!”

Most likely to get into a fight with a midget.

Hugs!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..Today is Hawaiian Shirt Day… on Pluto

Janene June 12, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Most likely to become a Stepford wife.

Most likely to join a convent.

Miss I-share-all-sorts-of-stupid-shit-on-Facebook

Miss I-will-tell-all-my-drama-on-Facebook

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