It has to be the easiest job in the world to work at Cosmo. It’s the same thing, every single month, dicks and lipstick dicks and lipstick dicks and lipstick and then you die. You would think that would be a smooth-sailing, no editing kind of job.
Here’s the thing though–there are editors at Cosmo. There are people who check over everything and approve it before it prints, which means that that what’s printed is a final draft. That’s kind of unbelievable to me that it wasn’t just slapped on the gloss before the staff went to get another Brazilian.
All this week, I’ve been entertaining myself with thoughts of what the first draft of Cosmo might look like. Add your submissions into the comments below. We’ll vote for a winner tomorrow!
Joke-Off: First-Draft Cosmo Headlines
- No Need Brain
- All You Need Is Tits
- Don’t Think Just Show Your Pussy At Work
- Here’s What Balls Are
- Teeth Are Always Good On A Dick
- Here’s Some Sex Stuff We Made Up
- IT’S A DICK YOU JUST HAVE TO TOUCH IT
- Is Jizz A Vegetable?
- Can You Fuck That?
- No You Can’t Fuck That
- You’re Ugly And You Should Feel Bad
- You’re Not Worth Much
- Make Him Marry You Or You Will Die
- Feminism Is Pretty Much Dead
- Misandry: The Newest Thing You Should Know About
- Shut Your Mouth And Get That Rock
- Taylor Swift Knows How It’s Done
- You Don’t Really Need A Career
- Money And Dicks Are What Women Are Made Of
- Are Your Tits Good Enough?
- I Shoved Something Weird Up There
- Is Your Clit Thin Enough?
- You’re Not Pretty
- You Don’t Have Enough Friends
- Are Your Friends Cunts? Yes.
- Trust No Woman, Only The Mighty Phalluses Of Marriage