Funny Bitch Friday: Abby (Still) Has Issues

06/28/2013 · 9 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

It’s no secret that I have a lot of love for Abby of Abby Has Issues.

Abby is the real deal. She doesn’t give a single fuck about anything but being awesome, and that is fucking hard to find these days. Abby is self-effacing and funny as hell, which is a rare combo (I spend most days wondering how to get more people to look at me).

I also love her because her balls have a gigantic circumference: she has two books out, y’all. Her first was fantastic. Could her second book live up to it?

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If the 5-Star rating on Amazon isn’t enough to convince you, allow me.

Abby’s humor isn’t full of dick jokes or shock or whiny-douchebaggy jokes. She’s all about the little jabs that strike at the perfect time. Abby is the Ethel to my Lucy; calm and witty where I’m loud and shouty.

Abby Still Has Issues is a book of essays about her life, past, present, and future. One thing that I loved right from the get-go was the changes in style between many of the essays. Compilations can get a little dry often after three or four essays. They all start to blend together into an amoebic shape of something that was once funny. Each essay of Abby’s is a little bit different, keeping it refreshingly readable.

I judge a lot of writing by whether or not I’m jealous that I didn’t think of that topic first, and Abby has murdered me in this respect. One of my absolute favorite pieces is her “Headlines From My House,” which comprises a list of Onion-style faux-headlines from around her home. I was crying with laughter before I was even halfway done. My favorite? ” SWF Seeks Anything To Love As Much As She Loves Pesto.” But then there’s also, “Missed Connection: You had snacks.” And then, “Poll Reveals Advice From Ozzy Osbourne More Reliable than from Dr. Oz.” I can’t pick. They’re all great.

Abby Still Has Issues also features Abby’s unfailingly fantastic traditional humor essays, my favorite of which is the story of a Nun getting drunk on wine at her house. There’s a Rascal scooter with a dog in the basket, Nuns getting fucked up on non-water-converted wine, and something called a “Catholic Catapult.” Fucking glorious.

You really shouldn’t miss out on this book. It’s a quick read that doesn’t disappoint on the laughs, and it’s only $9! Or, if you have a Kindle, $3! Buy it here and support your local starving blogger.


This Week’s Thursday Throwdown Wobbler is:

Mayor Gia: You were a mistake. Love, Mom and Dad



Mayor Gia June 28, 2013 at 6:46 am

WOOHOO! Abby has issues is the bomb diggity. She just introduced me to wine infused popcorn last night on twitter, so I pretty much owe her my first born.

In other news, YAY I GOT A GIF! And I love that one. That fish knows whats up – “Oh, you’re murdering my comrades and calling it a sport? SLAP SLAP SLAP.”
Mayor Gia recently posted..Ducklings!

Abby June 28, 2013 at 7:07 am

You just made my life with this line: “Abby is the Ethel to my Lucy; calm and witty where I’m loud and shouty.” Mostly because I’m usually loud and shouty, but only at work when I have to be sober. Kidding, kidding…but thank you SO much for such a great review. You are the Thelma to my Louise and your balls are still bigger than mine. After all, you are the queen of Funny Bitches.
Abby recently posted..A Hidden, Hairy Agenda

Paige Kellerman June 28, 2013 at 9:15 am

Abby is one of THE funniest women on the internet. I’m a die hard fan who’s constantly impressed at her originality and wit. Both her books are beyond awesome and, like you said, the essays are fresh and move along quickly. You don’t know humor until you love Abby and her issues.
Paige Kellerman recently posted..Take Us Out to the Ballgame …if you’re brave enough

Emelie June 28, 2013 at 9:41 am

Oh my gosh, I love it. Love, love, love it.
Emelie recently posted..It Was Either Murder… Or a Really Disappointing Birthday…

Misty June 28, 2013 at 9:58 am

Wait, how is it that she wasn’t ALREADY on this list? I feel like that should have happened ages ago.

Ok, confession time . . . I used to read her blog, but haven’t in a while. Why would I do something so stupid as to stop reading her blog, you may ask? Well, here’s the why . . . she is so talented and humorous that she continuously made me feel inferior with each and every blog post. Yep, that’s it. I’m a total baby, and couldn’t take it. She is JUST. THAT. GOOD.

I know, I suck.

But congrats to Abby!! Well deserved. Welcome to the club, ladyface.
Misty recently posted..The Hangover

Abby June 28, 2013 at 10:07 am

Are you serious or just drinking very early in the day..again? I’m a peon in the blog world and just want to share my neurosis with others so I don’t drive my one friend insane. Never feel inferior. Trust me. And I’m not just saying that so you read my blog, but because I had to explain that it was avocado and not a booger on my shirt the other day. See? Not that impressive ;)
Abby recently posted..A Hidden, Hairy Agenda

Misty June 28, 2013 at 10:25 am

Not drinking yet. They frown on drunkenness in court. But yeah, totally serious. There were a few weeks there where you were just posting brilliant stuff and I started to get a complex. It was bad for my self-worth, thank you very much! :p

I may have also been dealing with some major depressive issues, so it probably wasn’t ALL you. I should probably return to see what I’m missing, huh? ;)
Misty recently posted..The Hangover

Abby June 28, 2013 at 11:17 am

Psh. Those few weeks are probably done, so it’s safe to return if you want ;) But I get it and do the same thing. I go through HUGE insecurity/depressive stretches where I don’t read much of anything. It’s super helpful and productive.
Abby recently posted..A Hidden, Hairy Agenda

RachRiot June 28, 2013 at 7:09 pm

I FEEL YOU, MISTY. I’m pretty new to the blogging world and Abby is one of those writers I noticed right away- so damn clever and constant with the goods– I hate her. Okay, I actually really, really like her but if she could just turn down the awesome a few notches I would feel better. Why is she so selfish? I’m buying these books post haste. Hopefully they can give me some answers.
RachRiot recently posted..Wow, Walmart. Wow.

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