I both love and hate Disney. The little girl in me is obsessed with the princess stories and lore, and the adult in me knows the princess stories are bullshit. And misogynist. And racist.
At least it’s not real life, though. If it was…the world would be weirder. Add your submissions into the comments below!
Joke-Off: If Disney Were Real Life, Then…
- France would have super hot beast-creatures
- Taylor Swift would be the evil stepsisters
- Kris Jenner would be Maleficent
- Your first dance might have been sung by your furniture
- Roadkill would be infinitely more sad
- Fox News would call Pocahontas a mooch
- Fox News would put out a hit on Aladdin
- NASCAR would be watchable
- Mice would have made your prom dresses
- Family Court would have a lot of poisoned fruit to deal with
- Necrophilia would be A-OK as long as it is within sightline of a dwarf
- Your furniture is watching you bang
- Occasionally, your living room carpet will just leave your house for a while
- Profiling would be ok–If you’re hot, you’re good. If you’re ugly, you’re evil.
- The Discovery Channel would technically be a musical
- Sometimes you’d be late to work because you had to participate in someone else’s songs
- Your sushi would be sad
- LGBTM Rights: Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, and Merperson
- STD rates among frogs would be disturbingly high
- Sometimes, your candlesticks would be arsonists
- She didn’t sleep her way to the top, she used a Genie
- Treasure is fucking everywhere
- Child Abandonment would not apply to children with hair disorders in towers
- You could only marry 2 types of men: abusive and rich, kind and rich.