Adrian and I came the closest we’ll ever come to being superheros last Christmas Day.
Adrian and I spent Christmas in the mountains in Colorado with his family–a total of 8 people in one condo including 5-Year-Old twin girls. On Christmas Day, we decided to go tubing on a resort’s hill–what a fun family activity! All ages can be involved for not too much money, and then we’ll all go have hot chocolate and watch movies later.
This is how 100% of horror movies start.
On the very first run, we all decided to link together and go as a group–all 8 of us standing tall as a family and enjoying time spent together. Here are the things we did not account for:
- 6 Full-Grown Adults going ~250 MPH down an ice luge dragging two children is a lot of uncontrolled weight
- THIS IS THE MOST TERRIBLE IDEA
Everyone links together, with Twin 1 linked securely between Adrian and his Brother-In-Law and Twin 2 linked securely between myself and my Sister-In-Law. The two cousins grab a hold of the long tube-leash of each of the twins as a small-child failsafe. This means that for each 5-year-old girl, there are 3 adults holding on to a child and also one another. We are ironclad fuckery.
It takes 4 resort employees to get us started down the hill, and they put some serious spin on our circle of family togetherness and inflatable tubing. Immediately, things go very wrong. The spin puts too much pressure on Twin 2’s failsafe. I am now the only one who has a hold of her tube with my mitten-adorned right hand and shoulder, which has been injured for many years. The spin is also sending her away from the group and toward a very steep embankment that at her current speed, will send this baby into space. In a moment of superhuman fear-strength, I shout and pull her as hard as I can back towards me and use my body as a clamp to hold our tubes together for the rest of this murder luge.
We are now 15 feet down a 200 foot tubing run.
We were far from being out of danger. As soon as I had Twin 2 clamped to me, we hit a steep embankment on Adrian’s side. We hit it with such speed and force that none of us really even knew what was happening until Twin 1 was completely horizontal, staring at all of us from above. Adrian, in a moment of superhuman speed, shoved his boot into her chest, securing her in her tube and preventing what would have become a baby-pinball situation.
We are now 50 feet down a 200 foot tubing run.
The force of Adrian’s foot on Twin 1’s chest altered what little stability we had regained from the initial spin, and our tube-clusterfuck lurched to the left and spun us like a tornado. A group of fully grown adults spinning down a hill, holding 2 small children down from the centrifugal forces, while everyone screams with genuine fear, kicking up a snowy-dust-devil in their wake.
When we finally slowed to a halt, no one moved for several moments. All spectators to this event, including the resort staff, stared at us unmoving–still sitting in our tubes and unsure of whether to laugh or cry. Everyone was breathing very hard, and as we drug our tubes off the run, we thanked the mountain gods that we were all still alive.
Every time I feel like life is getting to be too much, every time I feel out of control, I remember all of us meeting spinning and violent death on a murder luge and out-pacing him with sheer willpower.
Ever had a moment of superhuman strength, speed, or something else? Ever seen one?– Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Valerie: This is great… Also, if I had a nickel for every time I accidentally ended up on a date with a hobo, I could probably buy a stamp.