Racist Dick Joke Title Based On The Words Hung and Black Guy

04/01/2013 · 13 comments

in Adrian

Adrian has a terrible memory for names and faces–especially with celebrities–but he doesn’t know that. Adrian is his own shitty IMDB service, naming every single person starring in a movie/show/advertisement with the incompetence one might expect from a frightened crocodile with a Netflix account.

Some of his brilliant success stories:

  • Is that Alain Richter?
    • Nope. It’s Alan Rickman!
  • Is that Gary Oldman in this Michael Bay movie?
    • Nope. It’s an old white guy!
  • Is that Matt Damon in this McDonald’s commercial?
    • Nope. That’s a young white guy!
  • Is that Jessica Simpson in this Law and Order SVU?
    • Nope. That’s a blonde background extra with huge tits! Just like it always is every time you’re sure that someone is Jessica Simpson!

Time and time again, I prove him wrong with real and accurate IMDB, but he never quite believes me when I tell him he’s wrong. Last week was the culmination of his terrible memory and my utter shock as his lack of recognition skills.

Adrian: Who is that?
Noa: William Hung.
Adrian: What is he famous for?
Noa: Being really terrible at singing. He auditioned for American Idol and became famous for being awful.

Adrian lost himself in thought for a few minutes

Adrian: I met him once.
Noa: No way.
Adrian: At a bar in Lubbock.
Noa: I’m sure as fuck that William Hung was not in a bar in Lubbock. Ever.
Adrian: No, I know he was. My roommate invited me over to watch him play in a bar, and it was really terrible. I know it was him.

At this point, just like every time he’s sure he’s got the right celebrity, I doubt my earlier declarations of his mistake. Maybe, just maybe, he’s right this time.

Adrian: No, wait. It wasn’t him. It was some black guy who was really terrible at singing.
Noa: You…you confused William Hung with a black guy? I mean…damn, they couldn’t be farther apart looks-wise.
Adrian: I don’t see color. I’m not a fucking racist.
Noa: I…I hate you so much sometimes.

Ever confused someone with someone else hilariously/embarrassingly? Ever seen someone else do that?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Johi Kokjohn-Wagner: I’m honored to be here with the likes of these funny bitches and dicks. Thank you all! I wish I could give each of you a pony. I would even give you each a really nice pony that likes people, not a naughty spoiled one that bites and kicks and runs back to the barn. Ponies can be real assholes sometimes. 

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Lacy Foland April 1, 2013 at 1:12 am

I CONSTANTLY confuse Christian Bale and Scott Baio. I think it might be because their names sound alike in my head. Because I do the same thing to Angelina Jolie and Anjelica Huston.

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winopants April 1, 2013 at 1:44 am

My bf always does this with singers. He gets Pink and Kelly Clarkson mixed up, and can’t recognize Gwen Stefani’s voice. For the amount of play time these artists get on the radio, and the fact that my boyfriend hasn’t lived in a cave for the last ten years, this confusion is unacceptable! :P
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Kathleen April 1, 2013 at 7:59 am

My brother actually didn’t recognize Kanye once. He was doing a promotion for a man scent of something, and my brother pushed by his entourage to snag a pair of jeans that were on sale. Kanye got pissy and was all “don’t you know who I AM”?, and my brother,.who is awesome, was like, yeah, you’re the guy who’s getting in between me and the sale rack. Kanye was not amused. And I got to explain to my brother wtf was going on. It was priceless.

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Bill G. April 1, 2013 at 8:48 pm

Kanye is the no-talent slug who won’t do a public appearance without lip-synching.

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Laura April 1, 2013 at 10:38 am

As an avid How I Met Your Mother fan I was shocked when someone said Niel Patrick Harris was on Malcolm in the Middle, so I looked him up on the IMDB and he was never in that show but I am now convinced he’s a God among men looking at all the shit he is in….
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Amanda- The Southern Unbelle April 1, 2013 at 11:07 am

All the time. So often, in fact, that I can’t even think of a specific instance to give.
Amanda- The Southern Unbelle recently posted..A is for ME!

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Mayor Gia April 1, 2013 at 5:25 pm

I’m pretty bad when I recognize someone from something because they were in that other movie with that other guy who was in that OTHER movie…

It get’s complicated quick.
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nadine April 1, 2013 at 7:10 pm

I confused a horse for a cow at a petting zoo as an adult.
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Johi Kokjohn-Wagner April 2, 2013 at 1:15 pm

Hahahahaha! I keep rereading this and I laugh every time.
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Valerie April 1, 2013 at 9:17 pm

My husband is ridonkulously great at celebrity names and faces. Me? I barely know the names of the people I see at work everyday. And I’ve been there 3 years.

Hugs!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..A is for Awesome

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Dana the Biped April 2, 2013 at 3:09 pm

In one evening, I was called Dawn, Doug, Dave, and DeeDee Balloons. Oh, and once I think I got called Dana, too.
Dana the Biped recently posted..I Have Landed in an Alternate Universe.

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Utterphaylia April 3, 2013 at 6:30 pm

I can’t believe I am admitting this.
I went to some crazy music festival in Europe in 1997. I was just a wee sprite then. It was my first and, as they say, the first time always hurts…but I digress.

I got in line for an autograph after seeing the Dave Matthews Band perform. I was stoked to get my cassette single signed. I stood in line for ages and was excited when I finally got to the front. There was a bald man sitting at the table. I handed over the cassette and excitedly asked, “Which part of the band are you?” He gave me a strange look, signed my tape, then said, “I AM the band”. I walked away, very confused.

Upon inspection later that day, I realized that I had just joined the ranks of SUPER IDJIT when I saw that the autograph said ‘Moby’. I am the reason Moby is an asshole.

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