Joke-Off: Superhero Pick-Up Lines

04/10/2013 · 14 comments

in Joke Off

Do you know how much I love geeky things?

Do you know how much I love shitty pickup lines?

Do you know how badly I want to combine the two and see how fucking funny you guys are?

Let’s do it. Put your submissions in the comments below, and you’re entered to win a TOTALLY FREE NONSENSE GIF THAT I PULLED FROM TUMBLR.

Joke-Off: Superhero Pick-Up Lines

  • Not everything’s mutated, if you know what I’m sayin’
  • Did it hurt–when I looked in your eyes and forgot I had laser vision and seared your corneas?
  • Do you know how good it feels without a cape?
  • I’ll bet you’re a Beast in the bedroom.
  • When I kissed you, I saw fireworks. Or Jubilee. Either way.
  • Do you know why they call me Iron Man? Hint: my dick
  • When I’m done with you, you’ll be singing God Bless Captain America
  • Maybe you should let my fist of fury invade your secret lair
  • I would finger you, but I would disembowel you by accident so may be just fuck me
  • Oh, you can conjure a storm? Well you’re conjuring a storm in my pants right now
  • My weakness isn’t Kryptonite, it’s your ass
  • Ever gotten a telepathic orgasm from a man in a wheelchair?
  • It’s a bird, it’s plane, it’s me leaving your house the next morning!
  • Sure I defeated Red Skull…twice today. Because that’s what I call masturbation.
  • Can you leap over tall buildings in a single bound? Because you’ll need that ability to be on top
  • Do you even know what I can do with ben-wa balls and my magnetism powers?
  • Ever used a sex swing made of spiderwebs?
  • I may be Batman, but you’re Robin my heart
  • Do you wanna know how I got these scars? Oral.
  • Mjolnir isn’t the only hammer I’ve got
  • I’m really into BDSM–you’ll really like me when I get angry
  • My name is War Machine, but the only war I fight is my love for you
  • Have you ever been taken up against a wall? How about a wall 40 feet in the air?
  • I’m Bruce Wayne.
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Valerie: Whenever I get stuck in a rut, or depressed, I have to shake my life up. Last time I was sad, I dyed my hair bright red and took a rock climbing class. :o)
Todd April 10, 2013 at 5:28 am

There’s a reason they call me “Bat” man – if you know what I mean…okay, I’m talkin’ about my penis.
Todd recently posted..Me and my stupid tongue

Todd April 10, 2013 at 6:07 am

Hi, I’m The Flash, AAAAAAND…we just had sex, 47 times.
Todd recently posted..Me and my stupid tongue

Mayor Gia April 10, 2013 at 6:55 am

I’d spray my webs all over you, girl. All over.

(I don’t know. I don’t know a lot about superheroes. That’s all I got.)
Mayor Gia recently posted..Pizza Lunges

Beth April 10, 2013 at 7:23 am

-“Forget a mustache ride. I can give your snatch an inkblot test.”

I’d throw one in for cat woman, but I think all that vinyl might make a pick up line unnecessary.
Beth recently posted..Pony Drama

Heather Bush April 10, 2013 at 7:45 am

You must be a fly, ’cause I want to wrap you up and take you to my web.

That may have been funnier in my head. Now that I am reading it…fuck it.
Heather Bush recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – A Day in the Sun

LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? April 10, 2013 at 8:54 am

We’ve lived a thousand lives, and fallen in love every time. It’s okay if you don’t remember. Just trust me.
LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted..Surprise Christmas can make or break my day.

Janene April 10, 2013 at 9:28 am

We will have a good time by the power of … Greyskull, yeah, that’s it! Greyskull!

Laura April 10, 2013 at 10:28 am

Will you be my… Iron Maiden?

We can do it in the bat-mobile.

They call me He- Man because of me and my giant dick.
Laura recently posted..Inappropriate Places to Fart

Bellum April 10, 2013 at 10:42 am

Girl, I’ll make you so wet I won’t even need to be in the ocean. But, can we go to the ocean?, ‘cuz, yeah, I need to be in the ocean.

Dana the Biped April 10, 2013 at 1:06 pm

I call him Little Deadpool. He breaks down the fourth wall and your bed.

Look, it’s a long story. But yes, the “green arrow.”

I’m stretchy like my spandex onesie.

Go easy on me, okay? I sometimes burst into flames.

Four sweatervests!

On your mark, get set, glow!

You know how when I touch you, I become sort of like you? Well, have you ever considered bottoming?
Dana the Biped recently posted..A Case of Mistaken Identity

Misty April 10, 2013 at 1:36 pm

I’m gonna do you so hard you’ll be Thor the next day.

Girl, I want you so bad that I’m a Man of Steel. Just look down my pants and you’ll see.

I am so into you that I would totally catch you before you hit the ground if you fell off of a building.

Wanna meet Alfred?

I want to shoot my arrow into your Hawkeye.
Misty recently posted..The Disney Diaries

Jen April 10, 2013 at 1:57 pm

OHHHHH! Nerd humor! YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! This has made my otherwise craptacular day.

*”Was your daddy the Human Torch, ‘cuz you on FIRE, Girl.”

*”Your Wonder Twins are activating that sweater, Baby.”

*”In brightest day, in darkest night, I’ll rub you down and do you right.”

*”Whadda you say we call The Thing And The Invisible Woman and have a Fantastic Foursome?”

*”I am Loki from Asgard, and I am burdened with GLORIOUS purpose! NOW KNEEL!!! Yeah, right down there, Baby…that’s right, you get down on your knees and take it aaaaaalllll…”

*”I wanna go all ’50 Shades of Jean Grey’ on your fine ass.”

I live for this shit. :)
Jen recently posted..Autism: It’s How We Roll…and Spin…and Rock…and Whine…

Jaclyn April 10, 2013 at 2:15 pm

Imma Hulk SMASH that pussy!
Jaclyn recently posted..Getting Divorced. Also? Laid.

ColinP April 10, 2013 at 4:01 pm

“Oh, you will kneel before Zodd…”

“SHAZAM! Here’s my penis.”

“Damn girl, do you think about your mother with those thoughts? Because now I have an idea…”
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

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