Joke-Off: Subjects That Should Have Been Taught

04/24/2013 · 25 comments

in Joke Off

My high school regularly hired teachers with no teaching degrees–or degrees at all. My college regularly employed professors who used the word “guess-tures” when she meant gestures and who was completely unaware of Walt Disney’s connection to both Mickey Mouse and the Disney corporation.

As a result, I am what I am. I’m convinced that if my high school or college had employed instructors with actual real training and will to teach, I might be a functional adult instead of eating like a toddler and getting to work around 5 pm every day.

What should we have been taught? Add your submissions into the comments below!

Joke-Off: Subjects That Should Have Been Taught

  • Sleep Is Your Enemy: How To Sleep Without The Aid Of Alcohol
  • Home Hair Dye Technique: Not Even Once
  • Cargo Pants: Enemy Or Best Friend Ever?
  • A History Of Not Trying Too Hard
  • Facebook Is Public As Fuck
  • Don’t Take Photos Of Yourself Ever For Any Reason
  • It Never Goes Away: People Will Always Be This Dramatic
  • What’s News? Deciphering Truth From Fiction In Today’s Journalism
  • Does He Mean That? Nope.
  • Photoshopping Your Way To Awesome
  • General Finance: Welcome To The Real World
  • 36 Hours Of Netflix: Learning The Warning Signs Of Addiction
  • It’s Not Who You Know, It’s How Hard You Fuck Them: Getting To The Top
  • BUT YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT: Dealing With Friends Who Won’t Let TV Shows Go
  • Most People Are Average: Even You
  • What Came Out Of My Body: Practical Health Class
  • Physical Education: You Won’t Be Thin For Long
  • History: Everything You’re Learning Is Wrong
  • Doing Your Taxes: The Math You Need To Know
  • Vitamin D and Me: Why Going Outside Is Hard In Adulthood
  • Are You TOTALLY Sure?: Practical Parenting
  • Mompetition: Parenting Isn’t Enough Anymore
  • The Science Of Food Safety: Two Weeks Is Too Long For Mac and Cheese
  • It’s All Relative: Avoiding Guilt
  • Happy Birthday, ME: Why Throwing Yourself An Adult Birthday Party Is Weird
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Lisa @ Who Stole My Baby?: That is terrifying. The only moment of super-human strength I’ve ever had did not help save anyone’s life. And I don’t even remember it. Apparently, when my husband proposed, I yelled “YES” in a deep growly voice, and proceeded to lift him off the ground with my arms alone. I’m sure he was very frightened.
Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:10 am

Duckface: The Coming Revolution
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:16 am

Ain’t Nobody Got Time fo’ Dat: Punctuation And Shit
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:33 am

Drunken Orgies, Misdemeanors and Compromising Photos: Your Pre-Bucket List
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Mayor Gia April 24, 2013 at 6:53 am

Anger Management 101: Dealing with Anonymous Internet Commenters
Mayor Gia recently posted..4/20! You Know What That Means!

Tabitha April 24, 2013 at 8:27 am

Sociology 101: How to tell an Enemy from a Frenamy (and tips on how to BE both)

LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? April 24, 2013 at 8:50 am

Reality for English Majors: You’re Never Going to Make Any Money
LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted..Mountains are a girl’s best friend.

Alison April 24, 2013 at 9:16 am

Warm Bodies: Sometimes all you have to do is Show Up

Reading the Comments: Just Don’t

Reality Check: You Are Not The Next Ghandi
Alison recently posted..Tattoo you

ColinP April 24, 2013 at 10:55 am

How to empty a lint trap

Finger painting with bodily fluids: The difference between private and public spaces

The Philosophy of Tyler Durden: You are not in fact a unique snow flake

Keeping a solid hold of things inserted into body cavities: Things that shouldn’t ever EVER show up on an x-ray
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

ColinP April 24, 2013 at 10:58 am

‘Do these pants make my ass look fat’ How to successfully avoid this and other emotional bear traps your loved ones will happily set for you
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

yorkjj April 24, 2013 at 11:29 am

Tattoos – Don’t. You’ll forget what they meant.

Dana the Biped April 24, 2013 at 1:23 pm

Pintrest 101: Making it Look Like You’re Working

Practical Crafting: How to Use Photoshop to Make Yourself Look Talented

Practical Crafting 2: What the Fuck is a Dremel?

51 Ways to Prepare Bacon and Take Over the World

The History of Doctor Who and How to Make Your Hair Look Like Ten’s So You Too Can Get the Ladies

Abnormal Psychology: Whedon, Moffat, and Depression

Accurate Sex Ed
Dana the Biped recently posted..Five Things That Make Me Stupid-Happy

hmr59 April 24, 2013 at 2:02 pm

For Men: “Are you out of your fucking mind, perv?!?” – Why porn shouldn’t be a dating guide

For Women: “Let’s face it – ‘The ‘Notebook’ is fiction bullshit!” – Why hasn’t my love changed the bad boy’s behavior?

Mandi April 24, 2013 at 2:15 pm

Domestic Relations 101: How to properly load a dishwasher (you fucking idiot)
Domestic Relations 201: Cleaning the Jackson Pollock Splatterfest on the Outside of the Toilet
Domestic Relations 301: Stop Melting My Expensive Panties in the Dryer

Advanced Home Economics: Mastering the Culinary Arts to Get Laid
Mandi recently posted..Because 3,000 Online Pharmacists Can’t Be Wrong

Todd April 24, 2013 at 2:26 pm

just the titles of your blog entries are making me cry
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Todd April 24, 2013 at 2:28 pm

“Unholy Cream of Bitch” – I have tears in my eyes
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Mandi April 24, 2013 at 3:43 pm

The really popular tag is “Your mommy is a thundercunt.” Oddly enough, I don’t use it nearly as often as I should.
Mandi recently posted..Because 3,000 Online Pharmacists Can’t Be Wrong

Koleslaw April 24, 2013 at 2:35 pm

Future Life 101 – How to Pump Gas and Wash Dishes: A guide for those who choose not to listen in class and/or play sports (but not good enough to get a college scholarship)
Koleslaw recently posted..What I’ve Been Playing

Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Astronomy 101: No, You’re Not The Center of the Universe, Asshole
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:47 pm

holy mother. you and Noa.
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

Todd April 24, 2013 at 3:49 pm

geez, my sleep deprivation is causing issues. sorry.
Todd recently posted..Alternate Universe Todd Goes to San Diego (or, Daddy, Interrupted)

socialassassin April 24, 2013 at 5:11 pm

Game Theory Application: How to Avoid the Friend Zone
Teenage Popularity: Why hand-jobs for crack is not a viable career choice
Advanced Practical Textiles: How to roll the perfect blunt
Pure Mathematics: How to add up multiples of 0.95 without a cash register
Technology: How to operate devices such as Smartphones, DVD players and Laptops without instruction from your five-year-old.
Computer Science: How to install a key-logger on your partner’s laptop
Advanced Computer Science: How to effectively erase your browsing history
Post-Graduate Computer Science: How to re-route your IP address through a proxy server to hide your true identity when surfing Government websites and Hentai tentacle-rape porn.
Realistic Domestic Cookery: Why the only perfect muffin you will ever create will be above the belt of your jeans, how to order takeout, and exactly why Your Momma Is So Fat.
socialassassin recently posted..Mountains and Hurricanes

Johi Kokjohn-Wagner April 24, 2013 at 7:39 pm

How to say NO to all the things that you want to say NO to- without guilt.

How to trick people into thinking you are listening.

For men: HOW TO GET YOUR SOCKS IN THE FUCKING HAMPER.

Why you shouldn’t type in all caps.

How to decipher what your two year old is saying.

How to sell cereal as a viable dinner to your family.

How to make coffee.

How to find your motherflipping keys.
Johi Kokjohn-Wagner recently posted..BITCH

Bill G. April 24, 2013 at 9:56 pm

- Trash-talking fat people at the age of 20: karma is a stone-cold bitch with a 14-inch strap-on.

– The fun classes in college aren’t worth two shits for getting you a job that makes you any money. (Especially Astronomy. Millions took the classes, a dozen have been successful in the field–and that’s going clear back to fucking Copernicus. Think you’re Carl Sagan? The girls and the world ain’t buying it.)

– Listening to your parents is boring: working at 7-Eleven and living in a fleabag apartment is fun for about 5 minutes.

-

hentai manga porn July 9, 2013 at 9:15 pm

It’s actually a nice very helpful little bit of details. My business is contented for you to embraced this convenient data around. Remember to keep us knowledgeable similar to this. Thanks for expressing.

referencement gratuit August 2, 2013 at 7:17 am

A motivating discussion is worth comment. There’s no doubt that that you ought to publish more on this issue, it might not be a taboo subject but usually people do not speak about these issues. To the next! Cheers!!
referencement gratuit recently posted..referencement gratuit

Previous post:

Next post: