This past weekend at the Dallas Comedy Festival, my improv group re-enacted our version of Beauty and the Beast which took an almost immediately left turn from the Disney classic. Gaston learned not to be a terrible sexist asshole and married Belle. Morgan Freeman was Belle’s father and instead of inventing, he made customized rape defense sticks. Morgan Freeman and the Beast fell in love and got married. Celine Dion saw the whole thing and was so super jealous.
I like that ending a lot better than the realities that Disney presented. I’m positive many of you have alternate endings you’d prefer in movies–so put your submissions below in the comments. Winner of the Thursday Throwdown wins a nonsense gif!
Joke-Off: Realistic/Better Alternate Endings To Movies
- Fried Green Tomatoes: Idgie receives the death penalty for murder because the preacher is a shitty liar.
- The Dark Knight Rises: Bruce Wayne never meets up with Alfred in the cafe because he’s Bruce Goddamn Wayne and literally everyone in the world would recognize him sitting there.
- The Last Airbender: M. Night Shymalan apologizes
- Die Hard: Bruce Willis dies. Really hard.
- Sleepless in Seattle: They meet up and realize that the other person is fucking insane based on each other’s stalking behavior
- Lord Of The Rings: They use the eagles.
- Signs: Mel Gibson finds a new species to be racist about.
- The Karate Kid: Daniel-san gets his ass knocked in the dirt because a crane kick is bullshit
- Harry Potter: Harry joins therapy for PTSD, has unstable relationships and addictions for life
- Harry Potter: Snape doesn’t die, because that’s just fucking cruel
- Harry Potter: Harry, Hermione and Neville still have to go back to school for their 7th year. Ron gets his WizGED.
- Avatar: James Cameron apologizes
- The Hunger Games: Katniss ends up alone, because Katniss is kind of a bitch
- The Little Mermaid: Ariel leaves immediately upon seeing her first penis
- The Avengers: Captain America and Iron Man hate fuck the living shit out of each other
- Jaws: Free Willy saves everyone
- The Shawshank Redemption: Andy Dufresne contracts a number of horrifying diseases from the sewer pipe
- Beetlejuice: Lydia marries Beetlejuice, is not worse off
- The Breakfast Club: They never speak again
- Pocahontas: Everyone dies of smallpox
- 10 Things I Hate About You: They break up almost immediately
- Animal House: They all go to AA
- The Hangover: There are actual consequences of their actions