Joke-Off: Other Adaptations That Michael Bay Can Fuck Up

04/17/2013 · 24 comments

in Joke Off

If you’re not a huge fucking dork like me, you probably haven’t been keeping rabidly up-to-date on the Michael Bay Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action movie. It is…disappointing.

Such as, Megan Fox as April O’Neil. Or the dwarf from Seinfeld playing Splinter. Or Will Arnett, as yet unnamed but the probable Shredder. Four randos as the turtles. My heart as Michael Bay’s fever dream.

I hate Michael Bay. I hate his idea of life. I hate that he has billions of dollars and therefore could give no more fucks about what people think of him.

This isn’t the first thing he’s damaged beyond a shadow of hope, but let’s at least give him some ideas that would be entertaining to watch.

Joke-Off: Other Adaptations That Michael Bay Can Fuck Up

  • The Diary of Anne Frank, Nazi Hunter
  • Driving Miss Daisy Through A Fucking Explosion
  • The Hours Until Everyone Dies
  • Megan Fox Masturbating For 7 Days
  • Schindler’s List Of Explosive Devices
  • The Hunger Games Starring Megan Fox
  • Captain Planet Except He Just Murders Everyone And Also Megan Fox Is There
  • Moby’s Dick-Copter Shooting At Whales And Shit
  • Scary Movie
  • The Magic Schoolbus Rams Into Fire Vaginas
  • The Last Of The Mohicans Comes Back For Vengeance
  • Everything You Love Is Exploding
  • Lord Of The Rings: With Trucks
  • Life Of Pi On A Speedboat Also The Tiger Is His Best Friend
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender Redux
  • The Notebook
  • The Dread Pirate Roberts Was Way Cooler Than Buttercup: The Movie
  • Harry Potter And The Really Racist Rat Friends That Follow Him Around
  • Roots
  • Sense And SensibiliTITTIES
  • The Collected Works Of Ernest Hemingway
  • Marley And Me And Misogyny: A Tale Of Dicks And Fire

Add your submissions into the comments below. We vote for a winner on Thursday, announced on Friday!

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Koleslaw: I’d hit* that.** (* “hit” here refers to “enjoy”) (** “that” refers to “several different flavors of ice cream”)
Todd April 17, 2013 at 2:17 am

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and Exploding Nipples
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Todd April 17, 2013 at 2:52 am

Citizen Kane and the Seven Lusty Whore-Droids
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Todd April 17, 2013 at 2:56 am

Top Gun 2: The Toppest Gun Of All, with Megan Fox and a Bag of Dicks
Todd recently posted..Album covers you should probably see…

Todd April 17, 2013 at 3:18 am

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Three Girls Named Tina, and a Dominican Face-Hat

okay dear, I’m done.
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Mayor Gia April 17, 2013 at 6:49 am

Django Unchained…with More Explosions
Mayor Gia recently posted..Golf Season, Meh.

Ash F April 17, 2013 at 7:54 am

Love Story

“Love means never having to say you’re an asshole ”

Music by Taylor Swift and Chris Brown.
Ash F recently posted..Fluffy Thing Fridays – My Canadian Roots and Post #100!!

Tabitha April 17, 2013 at 8:19 am

Planes, Trains, Automobiles, Bicycles, Motorcycles, Hang Gliders, Bungee Cords, and Various Other Modes of Transportation. And also Megan Fox will be there.

Tabitha April 17, 2013 at 8:20 am

Sleeping With the Enemy of Megan Fox

LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? April 17, 2013 at 8:41 am

Super 8: A Tale of Many Bedbugs
Barney the Purple Dinosaur Goes Extinct
Toddlers & Tyrannasaurus Rexs
LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted..8 simple rules for failing at yoga

Alison April 17, 2013 at 9:36 am

Game of Thrones That Are Rigged with Explosives
The Sound of Music Written and Performed by Chris Brown
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Played by Megan Fox
Alison recently posted..Some days I want to move to Neutopia

Laura April 17, 2013 at 10:10 am

Nicolas Cage as the Slightly Darker Night
Laura recently posted..Inappropriate Places to Fart

Jaime April 17, 2013 at 11:22 am

Running with Wolves and Megan Fox
Sherlock Holmes in the USA

Amanda- The Southern Unbelle April 17, 2013 at 12:11 pm

Sleepless in Seattle: The semi doesn’t stop in time and Meg Ryan comes back as the Bionic woman
The Parent Trap: The almost step-mom gets eaten by a bear and the camp site equipment comes to life
Amanda- The Southern Unbelle recently posted..Galveston County Fair: Subtitled- J, K, L, and M… They’re All In Here Somewhere (probably)

Koleslaw April 17, 2013 at 12:56 pm

Jurassic Park, Elle Sattler played by Ke$ha, The dinosaurs learn how to rig explosives and the movie is 2 1/2 hours of velociraptors blowing up famous US landmarks
The Graduate, Mrs Robinson played by Megan Fox, Elaine played by Ke$ha, *SPOILER ALERT* at the end, Ben doesn’t steal her from the wedding, instead he dies from the VD he got from banging Ke$ha
Kill Bill Dark Thirty, The Bride played by Ke$ha and she kills Osama bin Laden using some sweet ninja moves
The Greatest Story Ever Told II, Jesus wanders present day New York in search of bitches and blow, turning water into Hennessy.. oh, and also Jesus is played by Ke$ha
Jack and Jill… wait, I forgot, Adam Sandler is a hack fraud and anything Michael Bay did would be an improvement on that movie
Koleslaw recently posted..What I’ve Been Playing

Angela April 17, 2013 at 1:28 pm

I’d just like you to know that Sense and SensibiliTITTIES caused me to laugh so hard while eating fried rice that a piece of rice actually shot up into my nasal passage and is still there. Thanks Noa!

ColinP April 17, 2013 at 1:44 pm

Max(imum) Payne the Revenge of Mark Wahlberg’s acting career

(Splash 2) Splashed, Revenge of the Merpeople staring Megan Fox
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Misty April 17, 2013 at 2:03 pm

The Megan Fox Story: The Untold Biography of Megan Fox, starring Megan Fox as Megan Fox

Romper Room: The Reckoning

Goonies II: The Revenge of the Truffle Shuffle

Howard the Duck Returns: Duck You! (starring Megan Fox)

Angry Birds (Tag line: They’re Angry, and now they have weapons! Starring Megan Fox as King Piggie) <———– (p.s. you know this is coming eventually, and it will be awful!)
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Dana the Biped April 17, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Twilight. With Megan Fox.
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Jake April 17, 2013 at 5:47 pm

My Little Pony: Friendship is Massacre
E.T.: The Exploding Titties
Girl Interrupted by Shit Exploding for No Reason
The Grapes of Wrath And By Grapes I Mean A Bunch Of Stuff Exploding And Also Megan Fox
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Megan Fucking Fox.
Transformers 4
Jake recently posted..For Boston.

Bill G. April 17, 2013 at 7:16 pm

The Bostonians: Dubstep Edition
Dirty Dancing With Wolves
Food Network Movie, Starring Giada De-Low-Rent-Tits

Valerie April 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm



Valerie recently posted..N is for Not to be Forgotten, Elijah Wood!!!! Seriously though… It’s getting cold out here.

Kathleen April 17, 2013 at 10:17 pm

“The Hobbit: Went There, Blew It Up”
“Sex and the City III: the Reckoning” Where Carrie literally explodes all her one night stands AND Mr. Big and runs off with Megan Fox.

“Michael Bay Destroys Every Major City in the World” a 3 hour Imax cinematic experience with soundtrack by Metallica!

Todd April 17, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Thelma and Louise and Megan Fox
Todd recently posted..Album covers you should probably see…

Todd April 17, 2013 at 11:28 pm

I’m crying at these. Good work, kids.
Todd recently posted..Album covers you should probably see…

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