Funny Bitch Friday: I Just Want To Pee Alone

04/05/2013 · 20 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

When my friend and our dear Johi of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl gave me I Just Want To Pee Alone, the new book that she contributed to, I was a little hesitant. The book was written by a group of talented mom bloggers; a book of compiled stories of motherhood and laughter. So how would I– not a mother, a woman who fears children and childbirth deeply, and someone who’s a bit of an asshole as far as humor is concerned–enjoy this?

As it turns out, I had no reason at all to be concerned. I laughed–out loud–more times than I can count. Enough so that Adrian had to ask me repeatedly what the hell I was reading, and then ask me to read it elsewhere because I woke him up. The stories touched less on ‘hilarious musings of parental drudgery’ of which I feared, and more on the experience of motherhood and the inherent comedy therein.

If you’re afraid of a bunch of gross tales of diaper explosions and overshare a la the bad parents of STFU, Parents, don’t be. The stories varied widely. There were diaper explosion tales, sure–it’s a book written by moms–but even those were funny to me (again, a non-parent). I spit out water when one mother spoke of “getting smacked in the cookie by a spa worker.” I thought I was going to choke when Disney World–one of my favorite places in the world–was trashed brilliantly by a mother of very small children. I dropped the book in tears of laughter when the line, “Oh, are you here to wash mom off of you?” came up in a story about a funeral.

Johi’s story filled me with both fear and hope. Johi’s tale was of becoming that which you laugh at–don’t smirk at mothers, because you will be there one day. On the first read, I dreaded that knowledge of who I would become. And then, I realized–if I can be Johi as a mother, if I can be as funny as these women are, then I’ll be great. And as she said in her inscription, I can have a C-Section and keep my ‘cookie’ in it’s current shape. Score.

I genuinely loved reading this book, and I think you will too. It’s a nice, quick read that will keep you laughing and entertained. And, it’s only $8.99 in paperback, and only $5 on Kindle. Support your bloggers, support mothers, buy the book!


As an aside, I was not paid for this review. Johi asked me to be honest, and I was. She is also nice and pretty and I like her hair. 

This Week’s Thursday Throwdown Winner Is:

Cheryl S.: Toy Story: The toys don’t really come to life, Andy’s just schizophrenic.

I would love that to be true, Cheryl. You win!


Johi Kokjohn-Wagner April 5, 2013 at 6:25 am

Oh, NOA! I am loving you so hard right now! (Don’t tell Adrian, he might feel jealous.)

Thank you so much! I am as proud to be grouped with the funny IJWTPA mothers as I am to be in your League O’ Funny Bitches. Bloggers Unite! I’m so jacked up I might go for a run.

Hahahahhaha. Okay, that is not going to happen but I have every intention of getting off the couch to pour myself a cup of coffee.

I think you’re nice and pretty, too. And really really fucking hilarious.
Johi Kokjohn-Wagner recently posted..Oh, Easter Bunny, you cheap bastard.

Amy (My Real Life) April 5, 2013 at 6:36 am

Thank you so much! Great review and hysterical in it’s own right!!! We appreciate the shout-out!
Amy (My Real Life) recently posted..Five Question Friday

Mayor Gia April 5, 2013 at 6:49 am

Ick to that gif. Is she bird-feeding that other woman? Like Alicia Silverstone?
Mayor Gia recently posted..Things I’ve Rediscovered as an Adult: Bathtubs

Patti Ford April 5, 2013 at 7:01 am

Thank you for the review! Johi does have some kick ass hair. The shine in blinding.

hollow tree ventures April 5, 2013 at 7:42 am

Thank you so much for the kickass review! I was thrilled and honored to have my essay in the book, rubbing lewdly up against all those other awesome essays.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Tiny, Ironic Dancer

Amy - Funny is Family April 5, 2013 at 7:54 am

I loved this review, and not only because you said nice things about our book. I have honestly wondered what you lucky SOBs who aren’t burdened with offspring would think about IJWTPA, and now I can tell everyone that you loved it. You are now the spokesperson for all non-parents who like to laugh. Thank you for the glowing review!
Amy – Funny is Family recently posted..I Don’t ALWAYS Complain

Ninja Mom April 5, 2013 at 8:03 am

Noa, you sweet, sweet unsmacked cookie. Thanks for this!

Ninja Mom April 5, 2013 at 8:04 am

And Cheryl S. is the next Roger E.

HouseTalkN April 5, 2013 at 8:15 am

Protect your cookie! Thank you for the kick ass review.

RachRiot April 5, 2013 at 10:13 am

Hey, I fear children and childbirth deeply and I did it- twice! C’mon.. have a baby! It will be fun! Forget all that stuff we said… *laughs and rubs hands together maniacally* Thanks for the review!
RachRiot recently posted..I Just Want To Pee Alone

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying April 5, 2013 at 12:12 pm

The Cookie Smack Heard ‘Round the World. This is how all of my attempts at vacationing go these days.
May your own honey pot be safe from damp flying objects.
Love the review, am tickled you took the time to show us all some Noa Loving.
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted..And Now My Vagina is REALLY Mad

Michelle - You're my favorite today. April 5, 2013 at 12:47 pm

A great big cookie smack comin’ atcha for this awesome review!! Thanks so much!! And also, that gif with the taco just made. my. day.
:) m.
Michelle – You’re my favorite today. recently posted..I went to Scottsdale and all I got was this crappy virus.

Dana the Biped April 5, 2013 at 1:38 pm

I just want to pee alone, too–but I don’t have kids. The cat, however, has to sit on my feet and yowl at me if I shift my weight, and I have to leave the door open to tell the dog/howler monkey to STFU because she can hear the “sploosh” sound and clearly I must be drowning so she has to yowl, too.
Dana the Biped recently posted..A First-Person Narrative

Abby April 5, 2013 at 1:40 pm

Noa, whether you like it or not, you know how similar we are. I’m not just talking about our barren wombs either, but in our taste of blog reading and opinions on a bunch of different things (don’t roll your eyes, you sarcastic witch.) With that said–and the fact that I’m not a mom, let’s not forget that–I adore a majority of the bloggers in this book. In fact, they already commented above me and showed off their own awesomeness.

I think there are moms who blog and bloggers who are moms, and if you have talent and a sense of humor, it will come through in that writing. All those ladies crack my flat ass up on a daily basis, which is why this book has become such a hit. Great review, my friend!
Abby recently posted..A Raw Deal

Meredith April 5, 2013 at 2:16 pm

Thanks for this review! Nothing like some stray ashes to bring the funny, huh? ;) So glad you enjoyed–you rock!
Meredith recently posted..Pass the Pen, We’ve Got Some Books to Sign

Punky Coletta April 7, 2013 at 12:00 pm

Sounds really good! I wasn’t going to read it at first because I thought since I wasn’t a mom I might not get that into it, but after reading what you said, I think I’ll read it!
Punky Coletta recently posted..“Get them off of me! They are everywhere!”

Banana Stickers April 7, 2013 at 1:32 pm

That gif is one of the best things I have ever seen and I’m so glad it graced my shitty Sunday.
This book is on my LIST and I cannot wait to read it.
Banana Stickers recently posted..No. I Do Not Want To Go To Your Weird Lady Party.

Todd April 8, 2013 at 3:29 am

Did I mention that i have to remember to close the bathroom door when we have company? and that I’ve never been cookie-smacked? Or that I don’t havs a cookie?
Todd recently posted..In honor of tonight’s ACM Awards:

Cheryl S. April 8, 2013 at 8:10 am

I won! How cool. Thank you Noa. You are a funnier bitch than I’ll ever be. And you are funnier than my grandma (and that’s a compliment, my grandma was hysterica!)

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