Welcome To The Overlook Apartment Building

03/18/2013 · 13 comments

in Adrian, How Did My Life Come To This, What Is Wrong With You?

When leaving tonight for a friend’s house:

Adrian: Really? No one has claimed the mysterious white goop smear in the hallway?
Noa: It’s been there for what, four days?
Adrian: I fucking hate this building.
Noa: Wait…has it moved? Wasn’t it in front of 410?
Adrian: …holy shit, yeah. Why is it all the way down at 415?
Noa: So someone cleaned it up, and then a new one was smeared in front of a new apartment in exactly the same manner.
Adrian: It’s the most disgusting version of territory marking I’ve ever seen. Or maybe it’s like a mob warning for carpet cleaners. Like, “Nice hallways you got here, be a shame if someone smeared a mysterious white goop all over it.”
Noa: The Rug Doctor is actually a mob doctor, I like it.

After returning from the friend’s house:

Noa: Do you smell that?
Adrian: …yes.
Noa: Does it smell like blood?
Adrian: …yes.
Noa: Gallons upon gallons of blood?
Adrian: Goddamnit. Yes. It does. Is there an ‘overwhelming stench of blood’ clause in our lease?
Noa: That white smear wasn’t a mob warning. It’s the Overlook Apartment Building trying to drive us insane.
Adrian: We’re living The Shining right now.
Noa: I’m a writer and I stay at home all day. And I’m pretty sure Tobycat has The Shine. We’re just a phantom party and an assless dog costume away from murderfest 2013.
Adrian: I’m not sure what I’m more upset about–that we live in a horror house, or that I’m Shelley Duvall in this scenario.

Ever felt like you were living in someone else’s psych experiment? Like you were taking crazy pills?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Mayor Gia: OMG THE CAT GIF. I love I love. IT’S CINCO DE GATO!
Mayor Gia March 18, 2013 at 7:15 am

UGH! White goop smear?! I can’t even. Can’t.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Sorry I’m Not Sorry

LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? March 18, 2013 at 9:15 am

SCARY. I’m pretty sure our upstairs neighbors are living with a baby rhinoceros, a real baby, a puppy, another child, and maybe five or six adults that like to play ultimate frisbee in the house all night long. They may also have installed a flight of stairs to nowhere just so they can tromp up and down it to make even more noise.

I literally used a broom to bang on the ceiling for a while yesterday so they’d shut the hell up. Maybe I’m just getting old.
LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted..Sometimes I wake up and think I’m a bear.

Laura March 18, 2013 at 10:19 am

A friend of mine, while we were walking at night down a dimly lit high school hallway, decided to let me know that if we were in a horror film I’d be the example, aka- the one the murderer sets on fire and sends running around to scare everyone.
Laura recently posted..Kids are fun- for short periods of time

Jen March 18, 2013 at 11:02 am

I went to a “Shining” themed Halloween party at Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood (about an hour outside of Portland) which was The Overlook in the original movie. My best friend and I dressed as little twin girls and held hands all night while we followed people around asking them to play with us “forever, and ever, and ever…”. You know, just in case there was any doubt left that Portland is both the coolest and the weirdest fucking city on the planet.

Jen March 18, 2013 at 11:05 am

Oh, and did I mention that they even brought in an outdoor maze and fake snow? Cuz…yeah. Win.
Jen recently posted..SuperCuts Is My Personal Vietnam

Dana the Biped March 18, 2013 at 12:33 pm

There was pounding from upstairs. FOR HOURS. I was pretty sure the upstairs neighbor was killing his girlfriend, but she was a raging bitch, so I was going to let it slide. Apparently other neighbors did not agree, because eventually I heard upstairs neighbor shout at the top of his lungs, “I’M MAKING FUCKING SMASHED POTATOES!” I think he smashed the entire Idaho potato crop that day.
Dana the Biped recently posted..This is the main difference between me and the rest of the world.

winopants March 18, 2013 at 12:49 pm

What would that goop even be?
I was living in an apartment where the upstairs neighbor’s tv came on by itself, I don’t know how, but it was at full volume. For the entire night there was this awful muffled booming, and it was some PBS type channel where it was non-stop talking. I tried to knock on their door but no one was home. It was impossible to sleep, as it was like a think noise cloud over the whole apartment. I hate feeling trapped like that.
winopants recently posted..Turtles, Whales, and a Woozle

Lisa Newlin March 18, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Oh Noa, we all know that goop isn’t so “mysterious” after all. I’m guessing if you think hard enough, the answer will come to you. (The puns in that sentence were totally intended, and let’s face it, they were hilarious.)

Lovelyn March 18, 2013 at 6:13 pm

I hate living in apartments. If your apartment smells like blood it’s time to break the lease and move.
Lovelyn recently posted..My Personal Chef

Valerie March 19, 2013 at 7:08 am

This is like an episode of CSI I saw once… Semen and blood everywhere. I don’t remember the plot line. Just all the semen… And blood…


Valerie recently posted..Total Slacker… But here are some smiles in a post!!!

Misty March 19, 2013 at 10:56 am

What I find surprising is that Adrian is just now realizing that he will play the role of running away from the crazy that is Noa when you eventually snap. He’s a bit . . . slow, yes?

All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Noa a dull girl.
Misty recently posted..Haaaaaaaave ya met VAL?

Roxie March 19, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Did the goop spell out redrum?

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