Joke-Off: Rejected Girl Scout Cookie Names

03/13/2013 · 17 comments

in Joke Off

Thank you Jen, Queen of The Joke-Offs and of Portland, for this suggestion.

Put your submissions into the comments. Winner of the Throwdown tomorrow wins a nonsense gif, of which I have hundreds and hundreds (which correlates to the amount of time I have do to weird shit like this)!

Joke-Off: Rejected Girl Scout Cookie Names

  • Illuminati Chow
  • Indoctrination Snappers
  • Prepping For A Mary Kay Life
  • The Devil’s Treats
  • We Could Put Crusted Scabs In These And You Wouldn’t Even Care
  • This Is Basically Child Drug Muling!
  • Dr. Oz Will Tell You Not To Eat These Soon
  • Fuck Your Insulin
  • You’ve Waited Longer For These Than For Sex On Your Last Date
  • Boy Scouts Sell Popcorn And No One Cares
  • Heroin
  • You’ve Tried To Fuck A Samoa
  • Now Who Has The Cookies In The Van?
  • Better Than The Hemsworths
  • We Could Sell These All Year, But The CEO Gets Off On Your Pain
  • McRib Flavor: Now You’re Fucked
  • This Is Delicious Child Labor
  • Fundraiser Bar-Setter: Fuck Your Gift Wrap
  • You Came
  • Tucker Max Of Snack Foods
  • You Lie To Your Children About Having Me
  • There’s Porn About These

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby?: You can get drunk at Disneyland, and no one will judge. And the Pocahontas show is way more entertaining with alcohol than with kids. 
Kristi March 13, 2013 at 1:22 am

If Love & Sex Were A Cookie.

Put These In The Freezer When You Are Sad

Eat With Coffee

Junk Your Body Needs (Because Your Brain Said So)
Kristi recently posted..Princesses and Tonka Trucks- the GP series on TRM

Mayor Gia March 13, 2013 at 6:43 am

Mayor Gia recently posted..Popcorn Update

Misty March 13, 2013 at 8:05 am

Yes, these DO make your butt look fat.

Crack cocaine never tasted so delicious.

You’ll pay whatever we want and LIKE IT.

Better than sex. Like you would know what that is.

Buy a couple boxes just so those cute pixie parasites will leave you be in front of Walmart!!
Misty recently posted..The Big Reveal

nadine March 13, 2013 at 8:56 am

Waiting for Samoas: The Real Hunger Games
Thin Mints (in a tampon box, to hide them better)
nadine recently posted..Traumatizing your kid, one car trip at a time.

Amanda- The Southern Unbelle March 13, 2013 at 9:24 am

Thin No Mores

Laura March 13, 2013 at 9:25 am

Orgasm Bites

‘Merica cookies

We Delight in your Shame

Drug Smugglers Don’t Make Half as Much!
Laura recently posted..Kids are fun- for short periods of time

Roxie March 13, 2013 at 9:29 am

Butter and sugar, all you need to know.

Roxie March 13, 2013 at 9:30 am

Fat Mints

Janene March 13, 2013 at 9:30 am

This is porn for your mouth. You’re welcome.

Roxie March 13, 2013 at 9:31 am

Globs of whatever, just put it in your face.

Roxie March 13, 2013 at 9:31 am

Don’t pretend it matters.

Roxie March 13, 2013 at 9:34 am

Fulpf Mllrr Bulxes Plllz!

Jen March 13, 2013 at 10:18 am

*Pecan Sanduskys



*Islamic Funda-mint-alists

*Thin Minti Te’os (when you open the box, the cookies were never really there)
Jen recently posted..Stupidest Crap Ever Spoken: Meet my Son, J.

Molly Dugger Brennan March 13, 2013 at 2:15 pm

Desperation Drops
Thorazine Tassies
Don’t Tell Your Daddy Thin Mints
Coping Cookies
Don’t Judge Me Butterscotch Bites
Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted..It All Starts With Hello

Kathleen March 13, 2013 at 3:13 pm

“Titty Treats”, just look at the shape of the samoas!
For 6 bucks, I could buy ACTUAL drugs and be thinner.
Get your own box, you damn vultures!

PinotNinja March 13, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Guilt Grenades
PinotNinja recently posted..Never Acknowledge Your Co-Workers in Public

Bill G. March 13, 2013 at 8:30 pm

If you had my problems, you’d be a thin-mints junkie, too.
Just try some, trust me. (This time next year, you’ll be selling your ass on 23rd street for a box.)

* BUTT-erscotch Teat Treats
* Dulce la Familia
* Savannah Perma-Grin
* China White
* Mango Cremes with Nutri-Guilt and Tangy Addiction

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