Joke-Off: Possible Consequences Of The Multiverse Theory

03/06/2013 · 16 comments

in Joke Off

There is a theory in Quantum Physics that says that a new world is created with every single decision or action that there is to take. For instance, this morning at breakfast when you chose to eat a grapefruit, you created hundreds of new worlds where you chose to eat Kix, a steak, durian, and a person maybe.

This means that for every shitty decision you’ve made, there’s a world where you made a good one. This also means that this is true for everyone else in the world. There are even some theories that postulate that all works of fiction are, in actuality, just far-removed versions of our own world lapping over in thought in ours.

This can mean some really awesome or really terrifying consequences for the innumerable worlds that have been created.

And on that happy note, let’s think of the funniest ones we can! Add your submissions into the comments below, and if you win the voting on Thursday, you win a nonsense gif from the absurdly large file of nonsense gifs I’ve collected.

Joke-Off: Possible Consequences Of The Multiverse Theory

“In Some World…”

  • Taylor Swift is the equivalent of Maya Angelou
  • Donald Trump is a well-respected, well-mannered billionaire
  • Snooki is Kate Middleton
  • The Real World is real
  • Everyone ramps their cars into parking spaces instead of driving them
  • We domesticated dragons instead of horses
  • Velociraptors are what we eat for Thanksgiving Dinner
  • Disney World openly doesn’t allow Jews because Walt Disney was never stopped
  • We show love with a firm tit/nut squeeze instead of a hug
  • Everyone is puppets
  • Dinosaurs are still around, and we have enslaved them into Zoos
  • We live alongside Neanderthals
  • Twilight is held in such esteem as Pride and Prejudice
  • All cell phones are shaped like hot dogs
  • All hot dogs are made from dogs
  • You can wish your hair into any color you want
  • Your hair is a mood ring
  • Farts are the primary mode of transportation
  • Dogs are giant assholes like cats are
  • Everyone’s biggest fear is mustard contamination
  • Everything is exactly like The Sims, where sometimes Death can come to your house and hang out with you
  • Mashed Potatoes are a form of currency
  • Lori from The Walking Dead isn’t the worst fucking person ever
  • The Queen knights you by Queefing, and that’s why it’s called Queefing
  • Ghosts are the primary cause of insomnia with their incessant need to be dicks to everyone
  • You can see farts
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Dana The Biped: THIS JUST HAPPENED: The guy who sits in the cubicle next to me just asked, “Can women be mayors? Is that even legal?” I deserve a bonus.
Mayor Gia March 6, 2013 at 6:44 am

Adam Sandler wins more oscars than Meryl Streep
“Google” is a type of macaroni noodle
Bing becomes the world’s most popular search engines
Zunes beat ipods in the MP3 market
Mayor Gia recently posted..Argo: A Review

LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? March 6, 2013 at 8:33 am

The Bachelor is how everyone finds love…and it works.
LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted..Bigfoot is not who you think he is.

Roxie March 6, 2013 at 9:06 am

The United States includes Mexico, Belize, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, and Panama, but does not include Minnesota, The Dakotas, Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Washington, or Oregon. Wisconsin is named New Canada; Michigan is named South Ontario; and Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Connecticut are one state named New England.

Roxie March 6, 2013 at 9:07 am

No one thinks there is anything wrong with a mullet.

Skylar March 6, 2013 at 9:13 am

Justin Bieber is our president by unanimous vote
Instead of humans visiting Jurassic Park, the dinosaurs visit a human park
Anything followed by “No offense, but…” is actually NOT offensive
People minded their own business
Internet explorer is your main default browser
(I have a lot more but they just keep getting increasingly more offensive, so I’m stopping now)

Laura March 6, 2013 at 10:16 am

Men can get pregnant.
People greet one another by a slapping of the ass.
Family Guy is a place for sophisticated political discussion.
Tina Fey doesn’t do comedy.
PETA does something.
Laura recently posted..I’m awesome- and forgetful- but namely awesome

Devon March 6, 2013 at 10:27 am

EL James is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author

Amanda- The Southern Unbelle March 6, 2013 at 10:39 am

Chris Brown shows Rihanna his affection with flowers
Amanda- The Southern Unbelle recently posted..I Love Stress!

Dana the Biped March 6, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Fanfiction is canon.
Bunnies are scary.
A papaya is just a fruit.
Paid maternity leave.
Dory is the smart one.
No one ever saw Britney Spear’s picachu.
Glow worms are really worms
Frosted hair tips are cool.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Pinterest, Don’t Ever Change.

socialassassin March 6, 2013 at 1:34 pm

George Bush is widely regarded as one of the greatest public speakers ever.
Furbies developed Artificial Intelligence, and have replaced Mexicans as our gardeners.
Olive Garden sets the tone for fine dining.
Taylor Swift has made a living selling pop songs about how successful and well-balanced her relationship is.
Hugh Heffner is gay. He still writes a magazine called Playboy.
Everyone knows how to make a pancake or a biscuit without a ready-mixed packet.
Americans actually know how to speak, and spell, English correctly.
socialassassin recently posted..Anal Bleaching and the End of All Days

Jen March 6, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Health food tastes delicious.
Sitting on your ass watching shitty reality TV burns calories.
Stupid people are born sterile and mute.
South Dakota doesn’t suck.
Nothing tastes like chicken.
Vampires are the majority of the population while rogue bands of humans hide their existance.
Fox News is accurate.
Men understand women.

ColinP March 6, 2013 at 3:54 pm

Taylor Swift is happily married and only writes songs about being horribly depressed about not being single.

Incumbent politicians that lose elections are summarily executed.

There are no prisons, the state of Oklahoma is walled off and felons are air-dropped in to serve their time.

Mad cow disease gives you super powers.
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

Misty March 6, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Justin Bieber is a real live boy.

The Jetsons flying cars world fucking happened already!

Bill Clinton is a faithful and boring family man.

Ice cream has no fat or calories but is still delicious.

People only age to 25, and stay as young and fit as that age until they die 60 years later.

Cats are super friendly and cuddly.

I am a brilliant published author. :-/
Misty recently posted..The AC Experience

Bill G. March 6, 2013 at 7:33 pm

So, somehow somewhere, farts are visible as green smoke and I killed my annoying coworker. Life is good.

Johi March 6, 2013 at 10:38 pm

I sleep 8-10 hours every night, then I wake up refreshed and ready to start the day.
Johi recently posted..Cautionary Tales of Sudden Death.

Von March 6, 2013 at 11:56 pm

Dora the Explorer only uses sign language.
Muffin tops are fashionable.

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