Learning To Accept That You Are Being Swept Away By A Luggage Carousel

01/14/2013 · 19 comments

in Social Services,What Is Wrong With You?

1. Denial

This can’t be happening to me. I was just standing right there with my family, and I reached over to grab my bag, and now I’m being carted away on a tsunami of Samsonite. This has to be a joke. A dream? Maybe I’m just dreaming this. There’s no way that my luggage is heavy enough to pull me on this little tour of the airport.

2. Anger

WHY ME, GOD? Why have you chosen me to bear this cross? Wasn’t I good my whole life? Why did you pick such a devout and kind person to be so humiliated? I’m straddling a purple hard-case and screaming for my husband to catch up to me while all of DEN-DAL watch–I don’t deserve this. Why have you forsaken me?

3. Bargaining

If you’ll just stop the carousel for one second, God, I’ll never miss church again. I’ll do anything. I’ll give my savings to the poor, I’ll stop kicking my sister’s cat when she’s not looking…hell I’ll even stop farting with abandon in loud restaurants. Just please, for all that is sacred, STOP THIS THING BEFORE I GO BACK THROUGH THE WALL.

4. Depression

I’m already so humiliated, why bother trying to get off this thing now? I guess I’ll just rest my head on this army duffel and die. Why go on with life now that I’ve been swept away by a luggage carousel? I’ll never be able to look my family in the eyes again. I’ll never be the same person after this. My life is over.

5. Acceptance

I’m going to be okay in all of this. Carousels don’t go in a straight line, so I’m going to meet up with my family soon and they’ll help me off this. I mean, it’s good news that my bag made it and that I’m here to protect it from airport thieves. And what a story I’ll have to tell later! I’m just gonna ride this like Major Kong rode the bomb. Yippe-ki-yay, motherfuckers!

I saw this happen to a woman very recently, and based on the looks on her face, she went though this entire process in about 9 seconds. It was a joy to behold.

Is there something ridiculous in your life (or something you’ve seen) that you had to quickly apply the acceptance method to? I have to every time I realize I’m out of cookie dough.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From L.A.: “I had Jasmine and Mulan under my belt for Halloween — never got to be Belle, but GODDAMN, I wanted that yellow dress. I’d dress up like a princess today. NO SHAME.”

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