Learning To Accept That You Are Being Swept Away By A Luggage Carousel

01/14/2013 · 19 comments

in Social Services, What Is Wrong With You?

1. Denial

This can’t be happening to me. I was just standing right there with my family, and I reached over to grab my bag, and now I’m being carted away on a tsunami of Samsonite. This has to be a joke. A dream? Maybe I’m just dreaming this. There’s no way that my luggage is heavy enough to pull me on this little tour of the airport.

2. Anger

WHY ME, GOD? Why have you chosen me to bear this cross? Wasn’t I good my whole life? Why did you pick such a devout and kind person to be so humiliated? I’m straddling a purple hard-case and screaming for my husband to catch up to me while all of DEN-DAL watch–I don’t deserve this. Why have you forsaken me?

3. Bargaining

If you’ll just stop the carousel for one second, God, I’ll never miss church again. I’ll do anything. I’ll give my savings to the poor, I’ll stop kicking my sister’s cat when she’s not looking…hell I’ll even stop farting with abandon in loud restaurants. Just please, for all that is sacred, STOP THIS THING BEFORE I GO BACK THROUGH THE WALL.

4. Depression

I’m already so humiliated, why bother trying to get off this thing now? I guess I’ll just rest my head on this army duffel and die. Why go on with life now that I’ve been swept away by a luggage carousel? I’ll never be able to look my family in the eyes again. I’ll never be the same person after this. My life is over.

5. Acceptance

I’m going to be okay in all of this. Carousels don’t go in a straight line, so I’m going to meet up with my family soon and they’ll help me off this. I mean, it’s good news that my bag made it and that I’m here to protect it from airport thieves. And what a story I’ll have to tell later! I’m just gonna ride this like Major Kong rode the bomb. Yippe-ki-yay, motherfuckers!

I saw this happen to a woman very recently, and based on the looks on her face, she went though this entire process in about 9 seconds. It was a joy to behold.

Is there something ridiculous in your life (or something you’ve seen) that you had to quickly apply the acceptance method to? I have to every time I realize I’m out of cookie dough.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From L.A.: “I had Jasmine and Mulan under my belt for Halloween — never got to be Belle, but GODDAMN, I wanted that yellow dress. I’d dress up like a princess today. NO SHAME.”
Winopants January 14, 2013 at 2:25 am

Something ridiculous in my life that I’ve had to accept? Hard to pick just one thing, but I’ll go with my “career.”
Please don’t, no matter how bad things get, ever pledge to stop farting in loud restaurants- the thought of you doing this makes me oh so happy.
Winopants recently posted..Things That Go Bump, Hump, and MURR in the Dark, Plus the Rest of the Napa Getaway

Bill G. January 15, 2013 at 7:29 am

My wife’s father is deaf and I get a real kick out of farting in front of him. The irony here is that I hear a lot of his farts. He thinks that he’s squeezing one out nice and quiet. Nope, but it’s all good. Ye giveth and ye shall receive.

Mayor Gia January 14, 2013 at 7:06 am

When I burn the microwave popcorn. Absolutely. Double if it’s the last bag in the apartment.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Everyone is Sick and it’s Getting Terrifying

Sarah January 14, 2013 at 10:36 am

I knew my fear of those damn carousels wasn’t irrational.

I go through the acceptance thing just about every time I wake up on Monday morning. When J calls me and says he has to stay at work late and I”m already home, and I’ve not cooked anything (waiting, lazily, for him to get home and cook something) for dinner. When the younger kid asks me to put another app on his iPod. Most of the time, really.
Sarah recently posted..Vignettes: Awkward

Corin January 14, 2013 at 11:42 am

Every time I trip and fall – which is sadly way too often – I mentally go through the steps before I hit the ground: “Ack NOOO –who the fuck put a step here –I swear I will never wear heels again –ugh, those people totally are seeing this — aaaaand here’s the ground. Ouch.” But it’s all in the few seconds before I actually land, so more like: “NoooWTFstupidheelsshutuppeopleOW”. I’m clumsy, yet efficient.
Corin recently posted..Small Things Sunday – January 13th

Haley January 14, 2013 at 12:50 pm

Sometimes you just have to accept that the one time that the door won’t lock, someone is going to catch you with your pants around your knees while you waddle across a single room gas station bathroom in search of toilet paper.

Jen January 14, 2013 at 12:51 pm

My entire life is one long metaphorical spin around the luggage carousel. And sometimes not even metaphorical when combining Ambien with trans-Atlantic flight. WHEEEEE!!!
Jen recently posted..I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and ‘Doggone it!’ People LIKE me!

Dana the Biped January 14, 2013 at 1:22 pm

The first time I realized my funny food allergies meant ice cream made me drunk.
Dana the Biped recently posted..In Defence of Books

tazer warrior princess January 14, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Hmmm. Yes. The time I wore pointy heels to work, with cuffed pants… said pointy shoes got caught in the cuffs of my pants. I could feel it happening, but I could do nothing to stop it, and did the slow motion “oh shit, timmmmbbbbbeeerrrrrrrrrr” faceplant in front of a packed lobby full of people.

I ended up getting up, taking a bow, and sauntering off to the break room so I could cry in mortification in private.
tazer warrior princess recently posted..Weekend Wrap-Up: It’s Playoffs, Bitches!

nadine January 14, 2013 at 1:53 pm

i go through the stages of grief when i hear one of my cats barfing. yes, it will be on the carpet, no i won’t get there in time. just let it happen and get out the OxyClean.
nadine recently posted..Shit My Boyfriend Doesn’t Like to Hear When I’m Behind the Wheel

Winopants January 14, 2013 at 7:34 pm

I’ll be half awake and hear this noise start up, and I have to ask myself, can I get up fast enough to move the cat to the wood floor? Or should I just stay in bed? Usually I end up with the worst of both worlds in this scenario, awake and getting puke out of the carpet :)
Winopants recently posted..Things That Go Bump, Hump, and MURR in the Dark, Plus the Rest of the Napa Getaway

Abby January 14, 2013 at 3:08 pm

There is no better feeling than seeing your baggage come around on the carousel and knowing it’s not lost again. Wait–if there was some strange old lady coming around the the carousel, that would be better.

And I agree with Jen. My life is one big metaphorical spin on the baggage carousel as well, but if I had to pick a couple of things I accept: My mom’s “long story short” is never short and she’ll call the second I sit down with hot food or tea; the sweatier and grosser I get at the gym, the more people I will run into at the store immediately after; mommy bloggers will always be more popular than me because they talk about crappy diapers and wine and post picture graphs instead of actual writing.

Oh–and yes to the cat puke. But if flinging a 13-lb cat from the carpet to the tile was an Olympic sport, I would totally medal.
Abby recently posted..Withdraw Symptoms

Jen January 14, 2013 at 3:12 pm

I promise to never blog about my kids, Abby. Kids are fucking boring.
Jen recently posted..I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and ‘Doggone it!’ People LIKE me!

Abby January 14, 2013 at 4:21 pm

There are exceptions to the kid thing. Heck, I’m the most boring person around and I have a blog with tens of readers, but no one pays me to write about poop or create a pie chart of shit that my cat said…yet!
Abby recently posted..Withdraw Symptoms

Jen January 14, 2013 at 4:25 pm

I think the key to being a successful Mommy Blogger is being a successful Mommy. However, as my parenting skills are lackluster at best there’s not a chance in hell I’d ever be writing about my children on anything but a DHS form.
Jen recently posted..I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and ‘Doggone it!’ People LIKE me!

downloadable08 January 14, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Every time my boss’ number comes up on my phone and I know I’m being asked to work another shift (eight doubles in a month, nine/ten/thirteen days straight, etc.) The overtime is nice, but it’s getting to the point where I’m spending far more of my awake hours AT work than away from it. >.<

mandi January 14, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Picture it: Chritmas display of snowmen illuminated in warm white glow and the smiles of children. One is tipped over- oh no! Mandi will fix it! Ah, the overpowering Christmas Spirit! The Christmas Spirit clearly didn’t consider 43,937 extension cords in a military tangle or my two left feet… Ever seen a 5’4″ brunette trying to juggle several snowmen ranging from 2 to 6 feet? Christmas Spirit has jokes… At my expense. I fixed nothing. Can strangers and/or light up snowmen get restraining orders against you?

Valerie January 15, 2013 at 7:59 pm

So, what you’re saying is that I should stop riding these things on purpose? I shall make a mental note…


Valerie recently posted..Damn you Captain Trips!!!

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