Joke-Off: Wedding Themes For Terrible Weddings

01/30/2013 · 21 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, I start a Joke-Off about a topic I make up (or one you guys suggest). On Thursday, we all vote on who’s the funniest bitch of the week based on these submissions. If you want to play, just add in your submission in the comments!

I’ve been watching a lot of Bridezillas lately because I hate myself and also have a lot of spare time, and damn, do these bitches have some shitty weddings. Not because they’re often on the cheap or because these people are terrible, but because they ‘theme’ them. My favorite so far? “Bros and Hos.”

WHAT.

We can do better than that.

Joke-Off: Wedding Themes For Terrible Weddings

  • A Tornado Of Love
  • Cats Not Babies
  • Justifiable Murder
  • The Seinfeld Wedding That Never Was
  • If We Won The Alamo
  • Amputees and Hos
  • Enema-gtic and Mysterious
  • Old Hollywood Corruption
  • Disney’s Rampant Misogyny
  • Fertility Forever
  • The Collected Works Of Stephen King
  • Racism
  • A Tribute To The WNBA
  • Tour De Alabama
  • Teeth
  • Auschwitz Under The Stars
  • Amish You When You’re Not Around
  • Torture And Tiaras
  • Penguins and Mountain Lions
  • Birds Of Prey
  • The Stars of Food Network
  • Celibacy: Not Just Before Marriage
  • Growing Pains And Growing Hearts
  • A Night Under Anesthesia
  • The Dark Ages
  • Popes And Bitches
  • Stop Stalin My Heart
  • Love In The Time Of Syphilis
  • Gang Bangin On The Lock Of My Heart
  • Haters Gonna Fall In Love
  • Just Like Bigge an Tupac
  • Crusty Things
  • Cash Bar, Open Hearts
  • Mary Kay
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Mayor Gia: “GAHHH you’re being held hostage by your asshat neighbors! Start wearing heels and use your chair and close doors all you want. You’re not Anne Frank!” 
Winopants January 30, 2013 at 2:14 am

Apocalypse Now (the pastor would be Kurtz)

Twilight: A Celebration of Timeless Romance

Diners, Drive-Ins and a Dive Wedding Venue
Winopants recently posted..Reviewer Card Holder Brad Newman, Yelp Gansta’

SarcasticNinja January 30, 2013 at 4:02 am

Lord of the Bling: Orcs x Elves

Bronie Bromance

Night on the Titanic: Unsinkable Love
SarcasticNinja recently posted..Europe Overcome by Bull

Valerie January 30, 2013 at 6:34 am

Pimps and hoes
Dead fetuses in jars (surrounded by Xmas lights to make it whimsical)
Blue waffle
Magnum PI

HUGS!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..Can you say MANNEQUIN ARM GIVEAWAY?!?! I sure bet you can!!!

Mayor Gia January 30, 2013 at 6:46 am

The Donner Party!
Mayor Gia recently posted..I Never Should Have Went into Five Below

Johi January 30, 2013 at 8:10 am

Massive Head Injuries

Taxidermy and Flea Collars

Smallpox and Scurvy

Ceramic cat collections

Hoarders! Wedding edition.

Presidential Election
Johi recently posted..Chapter 2: Parenting without safety devices and improper use of puppets

Jen January 30, 2013 at 8:20 am

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant

Contagion (all party guests are quarantined at venue for 72 hours)

Kamm-on-u-wanna-lei-me luau

Manti Te’o (everyone brings an imaginary guest)
Jen recently posted..Seacrest, Out.

ColinP January 30, 2013 at 9:25 am

Honey-Boo-Boo Re-enactment wedding

Iraq inspired IED wedding (some of the chairs will be wired for an explosive time)
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

Dana the Biped January 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Mason Jars and Weeds

Love in the A-Bomb Bunker

Third Time’s the Charm (starring Lucky Charms)
Dana the Biped recently posted..It’s My Two Hundred and Onest Post!

Misty January 30, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Doomsday Preppers (that’s not champagne you’re drinking)

Bridesmaid cagematch to the death

Guess How Far Along the Bride Is!

Survivor Island (the wedding party gets voted off one by one)
Misty recently posted..Convos with the Kiddos: Part Eight

HeatherRose January 30, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Spice Girls: If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (even the fat one)

Hello Kitty (Goodbye Hubby)

Cowboys and Indians

One Night in Paris (Hilton)
HeatherRose recently posted..Dexter comes home

lilscorpiosweetie January 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm

Limos and jeeps

Shopping mall ho down

Getting married at the Wal-Mart then couple weeks later same isle giving birth

Lazy wedding, your guests bring their own decorations with no color coordinance and make it as festive as possible.

Zombie apocalypse everyone dresses as their favorite zombie horde circa resident evil and zombieland or maybe even that scary bath salts kind
lilscorpiosweetie recently posted..Stupidness of Walmart and texting

Jennifer January 30, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Death of a Fun Guy

Cops n robbers

Roxie January 30, 2013 at 4:13 pm

I am your digestive tract.

Abby January 30, 2013 at 4:23 pm

True story. I work with wedding/party crap and one of the hottest trends in the South? John Deere weddings. Not showers, but weddings.

Carry on.
Abby recently posted..It’s the Little Things

Courtney January 30, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Y.O.L.O but you can get married as many times as you want

Our Big PHAT Glee wedding

Balls and Chains

BLT (black tie, lingerie, or toga attire only please)

A Mayan Wedding (this is the end of the world)

‘Merica

Lady Gaga Pokerface “promises promises. Check this hand cause I’m marvelous”

liz rosema (@liz_rosema) January 30, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Black Face Minstrel Wedding – hosting this may or may not be a hate crime.

Twitter Stalker Wedding- A message from the bride: “It’s how we met!”

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.
liz rosema (@liz_rosema) recently posted..Pajamas With Fox Feet.

Elizabeth January 30, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Enema-gtic and Mysterious for the win.

They’re going to be some shitty joke. Just saying.

Laura January 30, 2013 at 8:38 pm

Confederacy calling

Charlie Sheen tiger blood

Cave Men

Mandi January 30, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D
Celebrity Mugshot
Clue (because dead guest is SO #hot right now)
Serial Killers of Yore

Maybe I should stop this, I seem to be on a death and/or mayhem streak and I’m afraid for myself right now…. :/

Bill G. January 30, 2013 at 9:09 pm

Pimp my ride
Pimps & hoes
Kissing cousins
Toddlers and tiaras
Fight club (every wedding guest is required to fistfight with another guest)
80s sitcoms
Cougars and gigolos
Getting drunk on Grape Pucker or Aftershock (always results in a barf-o-rama)
Hollywood and music stars that blew it all on drugs
Homeless or living in Mississippi (according to my sister, you can’t tell the difference)

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