Joke-Off: Strange and Hilarious Gravestone Inscriptions

01/09/2013 · 26 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, I start a Joke-Off about a topic I make up (or one you guys suggest). On Thursday, we all vote on who’s the funniest bitch of the week based on these submissions. If you want to play, just add in your submission in the comments!

Gravestones are confusing to me for a few reasons. Why, knowing that this will be the spot people will see of your for hundreds of years after your death, would you choose something plain and…well..not that funny? Let’s give people some new and fun ideas, shall we?

Joke-Off: Strange and Hilarious Gravestone Inscriptions

  • Go Fuck Yourself
  • Spirit of A Hustler
  • Dead Hard
  • I Will Be Missed
  • Dicks
  • Yippe-Ki-Dead Motherfucker
  • There’s A Wasp’s Nest In My Stone
  • You Should Shave Down There
  • Stop Esteban Before It’s Too Late
  • I Was Into Some Really Kinky Shit
  • Never Really Liked Oprah
  • I Took It All With Me Just To Spite You
  • Tom Cruise Was Right
  • Hell Is Being Alive One More Day With You
  • I Always Screened Your Calls
  • Haunting In Progress
  • I Have A QR Code On My Stone That’s Just A Picture of My Tits
  • Death By Munchausen’s
  • House Would Have Cured Me
  • I Was Kind Of A Bastard
  • The Money Is Hidden In Mongolia
  • I Was Ignoring You
  • Your Mom’s Poon Was Fantastic–What Are You Gonna Do About It?
  • Peed In The Shower A Lot
  • I Told You So
  • This Casket Is Nicer Than My House
  • Eat, Pray, Love Was Shitty
  • I Am Keyser Soze
  • I Have The Elder Wand
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Emma: “I have got on a plane (Sydney to London) so 24 glorious hours only to have the lady next to me say “I do hope they have my special meal because you know I have a colostomy bag.” 
Valerie January 9, 2013 at 6:18 am

Am I dead? No… Turn around and prepare to defend your honor.


Valerie recently posted..I have perfect, bulbous toes and have saved the world from them more times than I can count

Mayor Gia January 9, 2013 at 6:45 am

You’re next.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Power Paranoia

Mayor Gia January 9, 2013 at 6:46 am

also this one;

You know what? I don’t find Ryan Gosling to be very attractive. There, I said it.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Power Paranoia

Kathleen January 9, 2013 at 7:13 am

I will survive!
Hey, my eyes are up here!
Dig me up and we can play “Weekend at Bernie’s”.
(Next to a fire ax) In case of zombie resurrection, break glass.

nadine January 9, 2013 at 7:32 am

Buried Alive
That Pinterest recipe sure didn’t go as planned.
I guess I was legit enough to quit.
Tend to my Farmville
nadine recently posted..Shit My Boyfriend Doesn’t Like to Hear When I’m Behind the Wheel

Jaclyn January 9, 2013 at 8:58 am

I told you I’d die if you broke up with me
Jaclyn recently posted..Middle-Aged Retail Employees LOVE It When You Talk To Them About Your Vagina

Beth January 9, 2013 at 8:59 am

-Masturbated at work a lot….didn’t wash my hands after. Enjoy.
-Um, you’re kinda standing on my junk.
-I told you so….
Beth recently posted..Just Shut Up….

Roxie January 9, 2013 at 9:19 am

Yeah, Hypo-f*cking-chondriac this mothef*ckers!

Skylar January 9, 2013 at 3:09 pm


Corin January 9, 2013 at 11:05 am

Take a picture, it will last longer. Oh, wait…
Corin recently posted..Better than coffee.

Laura January 9, 2013 at 11:31 am

“Now you see me now you don’t”

“I stole your wallet”


“I RSVP’d for the zombie apocalypse”

Laura January 9, 2013 at 11:34 am

Also (sorry I couldn’t resist):
Laura recently posted..Greastest Acomplishment in My Online Life Thus Far

Mandi January 9, 2013 at 11:39 am

Don’t believe the hype – heaven has a cash bar, but 100% unemployment.
I watched you in the shower this morning.
I hope I at least went out as a viral video.
Mandi recently posted..I Object – You’re an idiot.

winopants January 9, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Peace out, bitches
One of you was adopted
winopants recently posted..Django Unchained and the Quentin Tarantino Movie Soup Game

Betsy January 9, 2013 at 1:29 pm

I can see you.

Anna January 9, 2013 at 1:40 pm

* I’m gonna haunt you.
* Don’t leave flowers here, I’m allergic.
* Fools! I’m sitting right next to you, LMFAO right now.
* Did you go to the secret hiding place and trash the dildos like I requested?
* Duuuude – this gravestone really ties the whole graveyard together.

Darcy January 9, 2013 at 1:44 pm

I touched you last.
Darcy recently posted..An acorn fell off of an oak
just as he’s s’posed to…

Misty January 9, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Hey, watch this!

I am gonna haunt the fuck out of all y’all.

Loving Mother, Daughter and Friend. Except for you. I always hated you.

Went out with a bang. For realz.

Damn, it’s getting a little hot in here. Where’s the AC button?
Misty recently posted..Misty’s Comet

Dana the Biped January 9, 2013 at 1:50 pm

You still owe me five bucks
Rest Peacefully in Heaven. Even Though You Were an Asshole Here.
He crunched numbers till the numbers crunched him.
Well, shit.
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, might as go and sleep with worms.
Dana the Biped recently posted..This is a true thing.

Jay January 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm

He never did finish the ironing.
Turns out it wasn’t marzipan.

Or the standard Spike Milligan headstone response:

I told you I was ill.

Jay Frosting January 9, 2013 at 2:22 pm

Now I’ve Seen Everything
Jay Frosting recently posted..Us Weekly Digest: January 14, 2013

Jen January 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm

*Stop trying to make ‘dead’ happen, Gretchen. OK? It is NEVER going to happen.

*This bizzle is dizzle fo’ schizzle.

*Does this embalming fluid make my ass look fat?
Jen recently posted..Conversations With Jess: Time to Man Up

Jen January 9, 2013 at 7:59 pm

*I Can Tell That Your Bag Is A Knock-Off
Jen recently posted..Conversations With Jess: Time to Man Up

April January 9, 2013 at 7:40 pm

(next to the facebook thumbs up) “42 People Like This”

“I can see up your skirt.”
April recently posted..Ireland Part 4 – Castles, Abbeys and Cliffs, OH MY!

Bill G. January 9, 2013 at 11:48 pm

“Mom, you’ll live on in our hearts as our favorite whore.”

“I spent your inheritance on steak dinners and $80 bottles of wine.”

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