Funny Bitch Friday: Enter The Dojo

12/14/2012 · 5 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

I taught martial arts for a while. I worked at the school enrolling new members as well. 99.9% of enrolling members are normal people who want something to do, new friends, a workout, and so on. That .1 %, though, was fucking insane, and I loved it. Men who just wanted “to hit a black belt to see if they could take them,” and who wondered, “what practical experience I could have with this if I’d never been violently raped.” Those people did not enroll, and I did not miss them. Amazing.

Even better than those crazy crazy bastards were black belts from other styles. There is no governing body for most martial arts–a black belt level of experience varies widely. Tae Kwon Do can mean 2 years or less of training. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu can mean 6 or more years. So, you get a lot of, “I had to register my hands,” and, “Bruce Lee gave me his black belt,” and my favorite of all, “I earned my black belt by camping in the woods for three days while people from my dojo attacked me at random.” Hand to God, those stories are all true.

So, lesson: do your research on martial arts schools–most are incredible and you and your family can learn a lot, have a lot of fun, and be healthy. Some are really really shitty though. Like, for instance, the blessedly made-up (but not far from the truth of shitty schools) dojo in Enter The Dojo. I’ll stop talking now, and just let their fists show you why they’re great.

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This Week’s Thursday Throwdown Winner Is:

Jen: “I don’t understand what you mean by ‘my car smells like vagina and shame’.”

Helmets for safety, Jen. Here’s your prize!

Oiksd

{ 4 comments }

Mayor Gia December 14, 2012 at 7:08 am

The lack of standardization with black belts is crazy. I used to think a black belt in martial arts always meant some crazy intense thing. Then I saw a ten year old get one. Oh. Nevermind.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Miss Priscilla’s Christmas Wish

Noa December 19, 2012 at 3:48 am

I loved seeing kids get black belts. It was always like…no, no you’re not. You couldn’t kick your own ass, kid.

Cara December 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

Oh my. That is hilarious. I did eight years of tae kwon do and three of kung fu, and it is so true that the standards vary WIDELY. I saw five year old black belts at competitions, and other places where you were lucky to earn your black belt in six years. My schools were pretty middle of the road. 4 years of constant training and improvement generally earned a black belt.

Also, when did martial arts get so expensive? I swear it used to be about $60 a month, but all of the schools around here (Denver) are at least $150!

Noa December 19, 2012 at 3:51 am

Depending on the style, 4 years seems like a good time-frame with hard work. I once tried out a school that told me I could earn in in 9 months. Like the DeVry of Martial Arts.

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