Thursday Throwdown: Ridiculous Treats To Find In Your Halloween Candy Bucket

11/01/2012 · 21 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, we do a Joke-Off about a topic I make up. On Thursdays, we vote on who is the funniest bitch of us all. Vote for up to five!

All the Trick-Or-Treaters this year got some really interesting treats. Except for the Carlton Banks Action Figures. Those are all mine. MINE I SAY. TONTO, JUMP ON IT.

Some have informed me that they’re unable to vote–the system is bouncing them back for some reason. I’ve tried to fix it, but if you are unable to vote, you can also put your entries into the comments and they’ll be counted there.

Thursday Throwdown: Ridiculous Treats To Find In Your Halloween Candy Bucket

Beth November 1, 2012 at 7:24 am

The thinger won’t let me vote……so my votes are:
-Rupaul’s Penis
-Hulk Hogan Sex Tape
-Yam shaped like hitler
-Carlton Banks Action Figure
-Snooki’s Novel (but why not her baby?)
Beth recently posted..Happy…Er….Halloween

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Grr–thanks for letting me know about the voting issue!

Kelsey November 1, 2012 at 7:25 am

Does the Carlton Banks action figure dance like he did. If it does, I want one!

Noa November 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I hope he comes with both dance options.

Lacey November 1, 2012 at 8:16 am

These were so good!
Lacey recently posted..XXL panties my ass.

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Indeed. These bitches be funny.

Erica November 1, 2012 at 8:47 am

It won’t let me vote either. So I’ll just say potted meat or a handfull of meatballs. I don’t know what it is about meat, but thinking about a random meatball sitting amongst Skittles and Reeses Cups makes me crack up.
Erica recently posted..Trick or Trick!

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Fuck. This thing has gone down on me twice now, and not in a good way. Votes counted, my friend.

LaurenO November 1, 2012 at 10:42 am

Same. It keeps saying select at least one. Annoying Pop Up, I know math is hard but I selected FIVE. They are as follows:

Potted Meat
Collected Foot Shavings from a Ped Egg
A baggie of multi-colored anti-psychotic pills
Jar of dead skin
Carlton Banks Action Figure

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:50 pm

This thing is a real asshole sometimes. Votes counted!

Jen November 1, 2012 at 11:35 am

Can’t vote either. . .meh. . .
Jen recently posted..Skype: It’s Not Just For Cyber-Sex Anymore

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Should be fixed now. That asshole.

Jen November 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

Last night some motherfucker was handing out mints with Best Western on the wrapper. My short people had to restrain me from going all Arab Spring on their house with a package of Charmin and a shit ton of Silly String.
Jen recently posted..Skype: It’s Not Just For Cyber-Sex Anymore

Noa November 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

WHAT KINDA FUCKING DOUCHE DOES THAT? That’s a teaching moment if I’ve ever seen one.

Misty November 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I could vote, FYI. These were good. Picking just 5 was hella hard!! But I persevered and did as I was instructed.
Misty recently posted..Quick and Dirty

Just Jane November 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Umm, who is Carlton Banks? (ducking and hiding in shame)

Leauxra November 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

We were getting desperate at the end last night. It was almost time to start handing out the leftover condiment packets from the take out Chinese place.


Time to head out to the store and get some at discount.
Leauxra recently posted..November is Coming

Bill G. November 1, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I gave away a lot of cough drops last night. Those who got cough drops were:
1. Any male with facial hair and/or prominent adams apple.
2. Any female with breasts.
3. Anybody taller than the average 5th grader.
4. Anybody that, for any other reason, appeared older than 12.

Additionally, I confronted a kid who was approx. 12 who was dipping into my 5 year old daughter’s treat bag. Dad jumped in and we were about to go a few rounds until his wife jumped in. For future reference, I get pretty pissy when kids old enough to do long division steal from my kindergarten daughter. Especially when one or more of their parents takes their side of it and start flexing.

Laura November 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Used condom
Used tampon
A random set of keys (b/c we all have a set in our junk drawer that goes to nothing we own
gummy pedo bears
Rabbit droppings in a Milk Dud box

Bill G. November 1, 2012 at 11:50 pm

You make a mean cornucopia.

Jaime November 2, 2012 at 1:18 am

1. old hard candies that were sitting in your grandma’s candy dish for years before she passed away
2. stale peanut brittle that could probably cut 4×4’s and will most likely shred the inside of your mouth
3. expired packets of jell-o which are now probably toxic due to the coloured dyes
4. a garbage bag full of cat hair from the furminator …it’s a WHOLE bag people.
5. dead crickets from the tarantula cage that didn’t get eaten but died of starvation
Jaime recently fodder ftw

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