Joke-Off: Things/People I Would Not Want Haunting Me

11/28/2012 · 23 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, I start a Joke-Off about a topic I make up (or one you guys suggest). On Thursday, we all vote on who’s the funniest bitch of the week based on these submissions. If you want to play, just add in your submission in the comments!

I have a deep fascination with all things supernatural. It’s that weird spot between what we absolutely do and do not know, and I relish in it. Some things are interesting because there is beginning to be science to back them–potentially true and all the creepier for it. Some things are interesting because to believe them, you’d have to be fucking shitballs crazy to believe them. As interesting as I find the supernatural to be, I can think of quite a few things I’d rather not have haunting me.

  • This Toaster
  • Gilbert Gottfried
  • The Spirit Of St. Louis
  • Queen Victoria
  • Helen Keller
  • Howler Monkeys
  • Michael Flatley
  • Some guy who shouts every time he walks in a room
  • Jaleel White
  • A Puma
  • Donald Trump
  • Donald Trump’s Hair
  • The Sanderson Sisters
  • A really bad impressionist
  • That dog that won’t stop barking
  • Your alarm clock
  • The B-52’s
  • Call Me Maybe
  • A couple who has really shitty loud sex all the time
  • Farts
  • A flock of pigeons
  • Robin Gibb
  • A shitload of cockroaches
  • The smell of curry
  • A Train
  • Sober Liza Minelli
  • Creed
  • Nick Nolte
  • That old sick cat that no one owns
  • Michael Jackson’s original nose
  • The smell of BO
  • Gallagher
  • Barbie shoes
  • A really dumb guy who hates everything but can’t describe why
  • Ann Coulter
  • A Pterodon
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Morgan S.: “Not a clever movie or book tie-in for me, but instead a John Wayne anecdote which for all I know could be an urban myth, but a passing acquaintance of mine claimed to have met him once, or maybe it was a friend of his…anyway. Said individual happened to be at a ranch where Wayne was once, and they were all standing around chatting, when this individual noticed a sickly looking horse standing not too far from Wayne. So he asked Wayne what he thought might be wrong with it. Wayne turned, regarded it for a polite second, then said, “Well, I’ll be goddamed if I know.”
Winopants November 28, 2012 at 2:36 am

My cat’s “poo face”
Zooey Deschanel, singing a cute ditty after each of my daily activities
The voice of a perpetually unhappy customer: “Excuse me, waitress!”
Justin Bieber in a pair of overalls
Winopants recently posted..WTF Fashion: Menswear Edition

Mayor Gia November 28, 2012 at 6:49 am

Rafalca Romney

While I love Rafalca (their dressage horse) alive, i can’t imagine she’d be any fun as a ghost-horse.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Wheel O’ Blog Topics II

Marina November 28, 2012 at 7:36 am

Nickelback

QOE November 28, 2012 at 8:49 am

I second this!! and would like to add Gary Busey.

Misty November 28, 2012 at 7:40 am

My mother

Kristen Stewart

50 Shades of Grey enthusiasts

My mother!
Misty recently posted..Elf You!

Cheryl S. November 28, 2012 at 8:09 am

Celine Dion’s music.
The smell of burnt popcorn
ugly feet

Jillian November 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

Giada de Laurentiis
Al Roker
Anyone who has ever been on Wipe Out
Jillian recently posted..Seasons Make Me Puke

Laura November 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

~Rebecca Black
~The cast of Jersey Shore
~Fire Ants
~Edward Cullen
~a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) machine
~College Rejection Letters
Laura recently posted..I love my family

Lydia November 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

Placenta from either child. Scary especially because the second one I donated to a group that trains dogs to find human remains in disasters (no joke). So an angry, ripped-apart-by-dogs placenta.
Lydia recently posted..A Week In Review

Roxie November 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

The Kardashians, any of the Teen Moms, any of the Super Sweet Sixteen spoiled bitches, pretty much any reality stupid spoiled whores.

Liza November 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Oh God, the Kardashians. I need a hug…

mosura November 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

poop

cat farts

50 Shades of Gray

Godzilla

Glenn Beck’s career
mosura recently posted..A Saucer & a Light Bulb

Kodi November 28, 2012 at 11:31 am

Voldermort (more specifically if he follows you around and gives you awkward hugs all day)
Lindsey Lohan
Singing Paris Hilton
Honey Boo Boo

Kathleen November 28, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Mimes!

The smell of jock crotch

Wolves

jamie November 28, 2012 at 12:09 pm

That neighbor who mows the lawn at 7:30 am on Saturday mornings.

That one night stand who’s name you can’t remember.

Any of the Bridezillas from that awful -yet you can’t look away because it’s like a car wreck- show.

Dana the Biped November 28, 2012 at 12:09 pm

A Twihard
Taylor Swift’s ever-broken, embittered heart
Coco Chanel (I like the sweatpants/sportsbra combo too much)
Roger Rabbit
Justin Beiber’s hair
Donald Trump’s hair
Paulie Shore (He IS dead, isn’t he?)
Dana the Biped recently posted..Mr. Sampson would be so ashamed.

Jen November 28, 2012 at 1:20 pm

*Alex Trebek’s ballsack

*The 19 1/2 Duggar baby

*Dexy’s Midnight Runners

*My sense of decorum and self-respect (that bitch has been dead for years)
Jen recently posted..Et Tu, Drew Barrymore?

Skylar November 28, 2012 at 2:05 pm

That bug I peed on once
My fish that I flushed down the toilet
The hobo that stands on the corner

Jennifer November 28, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Hello Kitty

Liza November 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

* Amanda Bynes
* A flock of Beliebers
* The lead singer of Counting Crows
*A laptop showing the video 2 girls 1 cup or Goatse (I have a general idea, but no firsthand knowlege and I intend to fucking keep it that way.)
* Poo flingin monkeys
* Newt Gingrich’s current wife
* Dick Cheney’s old heart

Jennie November 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

That guy who ran against Obama in 2012. What was his name again?

Leauxra November 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Dr. Phil
Oprah
Nick Cage
A morning radio DJ (name any)
Dr. Laura
Delilah
(CD player in my car is broken. I hate the radio so bad right now).
Leauxra recently posted..Shut Up, Mouth!

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