Joke-Off: Regrettable Fan Fiction Pairings

11/14/2012 · 30 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, I start a Joke-Off about a topic I make up (or one you guys suggest). On Thursday, we all vote on who’s the funniest bitch of the week based on these submissions. If you want to play, just add in your submission in the comments!

I spent more than my fair share of tween/teen years reading fan fiction because I didn’t have many friends outside of books and I lived in the middle of nowhere. I still spend too much time wondering how fictitious characters are living before I remind myself that they are fictitious. Live in my suspended reality for a moment, and let’s set up pretend people on the worst possible dates. (Real + Fictitious Person pairings totally allowed…and encouraged)

  • Jean-Luc Picard and Kim Kardashian
  • Dexter and Gus Fring
  • Frodo and Wilt Chamberlain
  • Gandalf and Magneto
  • Wolverine and Helen Keller
  • Remus Lupin and Jacob Black
  • Jacob Black and A Goddamn Baby
  • Walter White and Lindsay Lohan
  • Captain Malcolm Reynolds and Snooki
  • Michaelangelo and Pizza The Hutt
  • Jem and Pat Robertson
  • Ron Burgundy and Gretchen Carlson
  • Christian Grey and Molly Weasley
  • Jack Skellington and Kate Moss
  • Tony Stark and Kathie Lee Gifford
  • Thor and Anyone Who Is Not Me
  • Loki and Anyone Who Is Not Me
  • Aragorn and Edward Cullen
  • Mr. Tumnus and Dolores Umbridge
  • The Doctor and Michele Bachmann
  • Dumbledore and Dora the Explorer
  • Dark Helmet and Darth Vader
  • The Sta-Puft Marshallow Man and Cyclops (From X-Men)
  • Dumbledore and Stefon
  • Elmo and William Riker
  • Han Solo and Liza Minelli
  • Dr. House and Dr. Beverly Crusher
  • Kunta Kinte and Geordi LeForge
  • Bruce Banner and  Nancy Grace
  • Hobbes and Tigger
  • Neo and Bella Swan
  • Hermione Granger and Jose Canseco
  • Cher and The Doctor
  • Yoko Ono and Severus Snape
  • Tony Stark and Kanye West
  • Chewbacca and Aunt Jemima
  • Edward Elric and Edward Cullen
  • The White Power Ranger and A White Power Advocate
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Wendi: “Everyone knows boobs and cookies are best when they’re store bought. God speed, Madame.”
Mayor Gia November 14, 2012 at 6:49 am

Michele Bachmann’s husband and the purple teletubby.

You’re welcome.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Wheel o’ Blog Topics

Jen November 14, 2012 at 6:54 am

-Anastasia Steele and Chris Brown

-James Carville and Mary Matalin (“because, seriously…WTF?)

-Tyler Durden and Bob’s Seething Hatred

-Gavin McLeod and Tina Yothers

-Jeremy Renner and My Vagina

Jen November 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I suppose one could also conversely go with Christian Grey and Rihanna.
Jen recently posted..You Had Me At "My Anaconda Don’t Want None Unless You Got Buns, Hon"

Beth November 14, 2012 at 8:29 am

1. Yoda and Fiona the Ogre (Stinky your gas is)
2. Hello Kitty and Kitty Pryde
3. Ron Jeremy and Jeremy Irons
Beth recently posted..Attack of the BLOB!!

Jaclyn November 14, 2012 at 8:30 am

Katniss Everdeen and Bill O’Reilly
Alice Cullen and John Edwards
Danny Tanner and Anastasia Steele
Buffy and Edward Cullen
Jaclyn recently posted..Hop on Pop

Jillian November 14, 2012 at 9:47 am

Bellatrix Lestrange and Bob Ross
Atticus Finch and Sarah Palin
Titus Andronicus and Sarah Palin
King Robert Baratheon and Sarah Palin
Amy Farrah Fowler and Bill Clinton
Romeo and Rosaline. Oh wait…
Jillian recently posted..Seasons Make Me Puke

Janene November 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

1. Catherine Earnshaw + Mitt Romney

2. Katniss Everdeen + Christian Grey

3. Jon Snow + Sarah Palin

Cara November 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

Joffrey Baratheon and Lwaxana Troi
River Song and Data (“What is a sweetie?”)
Ron Burgundy and Ro Laren
Ann Coulter and Lt. Reginald Barkely

and I just have to add the PERFECT blind date: Will Riker and Jack Harkness

ColinP November 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

Joesph Merrick (aka The Elephant Man) and Mila Kunis

Anne Rice and anyone from The Jersey Shore

Andre The Giant and Bridgette the Midget

Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin
ColinP recently posted..Requiescat in Pace Tony Scott (06/21/1944 – 08/19/2012)

mandi November 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Hannibal Lecter and Kristen Stewart(and the film can of any movie she has starred in, covered in human flesh)

I just want to make the world a better place.

mandi November 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm


Pinky Brewaster and Annie cage match!

mandi November 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Ok, I change that to: The Hulk and autocorrect… :/ I really meant PUNKY. Yes, iPhone, PUNKY!!

Jen November 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I was going to say something along the lines of HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SCREW UP PUNKY BREWSTER’S NAME!!! But that just seemed kinda mean and shout-y…and I like you…but just as a friend.
Jen recently posted..You Had Me At "My Anaconda Don’t Want None Unless You Got Buns, Hon"

mandi November 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

You’re welcome to yell at my phone. It surely does not listen to me, maybe the shithead gadget would listen to you! I would never disrespect Punky’s good name- I just haven’t yet mastered autocorrect or developed the skill to read what is written instead of what I know it should say… This is why I never edit my own stuff!

Winopants November 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

John Stewart and Xena, Warrior Princess
Harry Potter and Snooki
Pam (True Blood) and Mike Huckabee
Winopants recently posted..A Black and Orange Birthday Mess of Fail

Kodi November 14, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Hermione Granger + Christian Grey
Harry Potter + Sookie (True Blood)
Martha Stewart + Bella Swan


Carrie November 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Dora the Explorer & Bear Grylls (Shit’s about to get REAL!)

Rainbow Bright & Andy Rooney

Dexter & Tila Tequila

Skeletor & Sharon Osbourne

Gerard Butler & the virgin from the movie Monster Squad

Johi November 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Christian Grey + Lorena Bobbitt

Christian Grey + Rosie O’Donnell

Alex P. Keaton + Hilary Clinton
Johi recently posted..Sunday morning quandry

Johi November 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Sorry… Hillary. Two ‘l’s’…
Johi recently posted..Sunday morning quandry

Johi November 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Lisbeth Salander + Christian Grey

Lisbeth Salander + President Snow

Bella Swan + Beavis
Johi recently posted..Sunday morning quandry

Jake November 14, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Edward Scissorhands + Freddy Krueger

Edward Scissorhands + a blow-up doll

Daniel Day-Lewis + Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Mitt Romney + Gordon Gekko

Darth Vader + Princess Leia

Jack Dawson + Mr. Freeze

Smokey the Bear + The Human Torch

Indiana Jones + Medusa

Sheldon Cooper + Jenna Jameson
Jake recently posted..PROTIP: You always generate more interest if you call it "Apocalypse Prevention."

nadine November 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Nucky Thompson and Nicolette Grant
nadine recently posted..Never Over

Anna November 14, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Nancy Drew & General Patraeus
Ignatius J. Reilly & Kim Kardashian
Augusten Burroughs & Mitt Romney
William Shatner & Joan of Arc
Marilyn Manson & Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lady Gaga & Han Solo
Mother Teresa & J. Paul Getty
Ghandi & Mommie Dearest
Ann Coulter & Dorian Gray
Ferris Bueller & Nurse Ratched
William Shatner & The Wicked Witch of the West

THK November 14, 2012 at 6:05 pm

The Queen of England and Deadpool.
THK recently posted..Page Thirty Three

Lindsey November 14, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Lothar of The Hill People + Barbara Walters
Cher + That Kid From Jerry Maguire
Donald Trump + Wilma Flintstone
Beavis + Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Chris Rock + Elizabeth Dole
Adolph Hitler + Pollyanna
PeeWee Herman + Boots
Carlton Banks + Paris Hilton
Wilford Brimley + ALF

Lindsey November 14, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Jesus and The Bachelorette?

Leauxra November 14, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Edward Cullen and Cedric Diggory
Baron Muchausen and Ed Bloom (from Big Fish)
Jame Gumb and Pricilla, Queen of the Desert
Leauxra recently posted..November is Coming

Jennie November 14, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Bella Swan and Dobby the House Elf

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