Joke-Off: Realistic Girl Scout Badges

11/07/2012 · 22 comments

in Joke Off

Every Wednesday, I start a Joke-Off about a topic I make up (or one you guys suggest). On Thursday, we all vote on who’s the funniest bitch of the week based on these submissions. If you want to play, just add in your submission in the comments!

I was a Girl Scout once, and I earned an assload of really useless badges like Friendships, Arts, Horsemanship, and Aggressive Sales Practices. It was fine, but the older I got the more I realized…fuck those badges. They didn’t teach me anything about life, my future, or how to really and truly conduct myself as a responsible young woman. Let’s correct that for the future.

 Joke-Off: Realistic Girl Scout Badges

  • Saying No To Sorostituting
  • My Skirt’s Longer Than My Labia!
  • Troll Doll: Is He Trolling Or Is He Just A Fuckface?
  • Stress Less Unless You Want To Have It All, You Lazy Bitch
  • Yarn And Fabric Arts And Learning To Appreciate The Subtle Beauty of Liz Lemon
  • All About Bros
  • Law And Order: Is Not As Good As Law and Order SVU
  • Being My Best Means Not Listening To Ann Coulter
  • The Choice Is Yours: I Don’t Care If It Doesn’t Feel The Same, You’re Going To Wear a Condom
  • I Can Leave Well Enough Alone!
  • Choices And Voices: Stronger Than Taylor Swift’s Influence
  • Media Savvy: Alcohol And Multimedia Contact With Others
  • The Lure Of Language: Accents Are Sexy No Matter What He’s Saying
  • Women’s Issues: You’re Never Going To Be Good Enough, So Just Get Knocked Up Already
  • Outdoor Survival On Black Friday
  • Public Relations And Learning To Say No To Parties You Don’t Want To Go To Because Damn, These Sweatpants Are So Comfy
  • Understanding Yourself And Others: Everyone Is An Asshole
  • It’s Date Rape!
  • Travel Fun: Basic Airline Decency Means No Farting In The Full-Body Scanner
  • Fitness Can Be Fun: Just Kidding, It’s Not That Great
  • Hipster Spotter
  • Games For a Lifetime: BlackJack And Craps
  • Healthy Relationships Aren’t Modeled After Disney Characters
  • If He Smokes In Jr. High, You Don’t Want Him
  • Softball: Being Prepared For Undeserved And Ridiculous Sexual Orientation Comments
  • Listening To The Past: Grandpa’s On A Bender Again
  • Science Is Fun But C’Mon You’re A Girl So Study Sewing Or Something Already
  • You Are What You Read: All About Meyer-Fever
  • Computer Fun Means Not Caring About The Kardashian’s Latest Twat-Filler
  • Let’s Get Cooking On Something More Substantial Than Mac-N-Cheese And Hot Dogs
  • Rocks Rock But Never Sleep With The Drummer
  • My Body Is Not For Instagramming
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Lacey Foland: “I was cut off on the freeway by this bitch in an Escalade (which was at least three times the size of my Scion) so that she could get to the offramp fractions of a second before me. Once we were both off the freeway, she had the audacity to flip *me* off. Me. The person *she* cut off. Then we were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic for six blocks. The whole time we were in traffic she was cursing at me with her windows down so loud I could hear her even with my windows up and the radio on. She was blue in the face by the time I got in the turn lane, smiled and waved, and left her behind to choke on her own bile.” 

Previous post:

Next post: