Funny Bitch Friday: David Sedaris

11/23/2012 · 11 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

David Sedaris has been compared to Twain, one of the greatest satirists of all time. Just as Stephenie Meyer has been compared to Jane Austen, you would expect the Sedaris/Twain connection to be over the top. Surely, he cannot be that funny.

Well, you’re wrong, you stupid bitch.

David Sedaris shows funny what’s funny, and I cannot recommend anything he’s ever written highly enough. Just a sample of the glory:

“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit…”

“Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto.”

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It’s all that good. Go buy his wondrous creations.

This Week’s Thanksgiving Thursday Throwdown Winner Is:

Jen (WHAT? HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE) with a double win for:

  • “. . .if by ‘vegan’ you mean as dry and meaningless as a nun’s twat, then yes. The stuffing is vegan.”
  • “. . .I think the takeaway from all of this is that Mom is a whore.”

Here is your weird prize.


Jen November 23, 2012 at 7:12 am

“When You Are Engulfed In Flames” should be required reading for all American citizens. No other work of literature properly embraces such topics as a typing school for chimpanzees or throwing shit in a quadrapalegics back yard.

PS: Me talk pretty to the swimming Gollum kitty. . .swim, my preciiiiiiiiiooooouuuus, swiiiiiiiiiiiim. . .
Jen recently posted..Family Ties (With more Turkey and Less Tina Yothers)

LDiggitty November 23, 2012 at 8:51 am

I ADORE David Sedaris! If you get a chance, see him live – I saw him for the third time a few weeks ago, and his story about his colonoscopy experience was hilarious… gut-renching, even. :)
LDiggitty recently posted..Happy Thanksgiving!

Mayor Gia November 23, 2012 at 9:26 am

HA! Shit is a very versatile swear word. Also, loving that “prize”
Mayor Gia recently posted..Mayor Gia’s First Thanksgiving

nadine November 23, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I feel like we ALL won with that prize.
nadine recently posted..Never Over

Amelia November 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm

‘Holidays on Ice’ is my go-to Christmas gift for my fellow retail slaves.

“I’m going to have you FIRED!”
“I’m going to have you killed.”

Haven’t we all wanted to say that at one point?

Bill G. November 23, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Damn straight, I’ve wanted to say that a couple of times today.

Allie November 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

My adoration for David Sedaris borders on creepy, but I’m pretty sure he’d be cool with it. Amazing pick!
Allie recently posted..I’m Thankful for Dick Pics and Double Stuff Oreos.

Abby November 26, 2012 at 8:48 am

Although I failed to win the prize, I feel as though I have won in a special way because I own what is being depicted in the prize, and he is fantastically weird and cute at the same time. Though he doesn’t paddle during bath time so much as sit and stare at me accusingly.
Abby recently posted..I have sharp sticks and I’m not afraid to use them.

Alexandra November 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

I saw him and it was the most wonderful 90 mins of MY LIFE.
Alexandra recently posted..A Holy Day

Terra November 30, 2012 at 12:35 am

Have you read When You Are Engulfed in Flames? So amazing. I’d LOVE to see him live.

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