Funny Bitch Friday: David Sedaris

11/23/2012 · 11 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

David Sedaris has been compared to Twain, one of the greatest satirists of all time. Just as Stephenie Meyer has been compared to Jane Austen, you would expect the Sedaris/Twain connection to be over the top. Surely, he cannot be that funny.

Well, you’re wrong, you stupid bitch.

David Sedaris shows funny what’s funny, and I cannot recommend anything he’s ever written highly enough. Just a sample of the glory:

“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit…”

“Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto.”

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It’s all that good. Go buy his wondrous creations.

This Week’s Thanksgiving Thursday Throwdown Winner Is:

Jen (WHAT? HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE) with a double win for:

  • “. . .if by ‘vegan’ you mean as dry and meaningless as a nun’s twat, then yes. The stuffing is vegan.”
  • “. . .I think the takeaway from all of this is that Mom is a whore.”

Here is your weird prize.


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