You’re Just Another Husband To Burn (In Your Bed At Night and Then Tori Spelling will Play Me in the Lifetime Movie)
I’m Totally Serious This Time, Joe Jonas
The Biggest Kennedy Tragedy (Since Chappaquidick)
Kanye Was Right. . .Fuck.
Its Hard To Make ‘Heart Hands’ When a Bitch has the D.T.s
Fifteen (Ways I Fucked John Mayer)
Teardrops on my Prenup
You Belong With Me, Not That Whore Selena Gomez
I’m Staying Beautiful With Botox And No One Noticed Since I Have No Facial Expression Anyway
Ronan Is A Really Stupid Name, Now That I Think About It
Hey Stephen… I’m Sorry I Called You John
You Should Have Known The Sex Would Be Bad Because I’m A Baby Giraffe
Someday You’ll Be My Baby Daddy
That’s Just The Way My Face Looks
This time it’s true love. (No really you guys, I SWEAR.) (Stop laughing.) (Seriously, stop laughing!)
Poor Grammar Is Irrelevant When You’re Cute
I Can’t Actually Sing, So I Just Sort of Talk Through My Songs
I’m Sorry All My Songs Sound the Same
I Can’t Have a Healthy Relationship Because I’m a Crazy
Should’ve Said No to anal, but you said you loved me
My Favorite Color is Glitter
You belong with me and no one else or I will fucking end you
Can I smell your hair?
We just couldn’t see eye to eye. Because I’m a giant. And wear six inch heels.
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever leave me. Or you’ll be sorry. And . . . I love you?
Pay me my child support or I’ll write a song about how you are a deadbeat. Oops, too late.
Now, which husband are you again? Sixth? Seventh? Meh.
Thank God I’m Tall, Thin, and Blonde Because That Makes Talent Optional
Divorce Attorney on Speed Dial.
Boys Are Mean
When Will I Get Boobs?
Pay Attention to my Passive Aggressive Bullshit
On Second Thought, NOTHING is Better than Revenge
We are never ever, ever getting back together, remix: whether you like it or not we are getting back together (or I’ll cut you)
Aren’t You Glad Millions of Tween Girls Are Modeling Their Love Life After Mine?
I Get Around
One Relationship Away From a Miley Haircut
I’m Completely in Love with A Kennedy
I’m Completely in Love with Another Kennedy, Who is the Brother of the First One I sang About
Workin My Way Through The Family
I’m Completely in Love with One of Those Other Kennedy’s Cousins
Teardrops On My Guitar (Oh Wait, That’s Actually Blood From Beating You For Breaking Up With Me – My Bad)
Tim McGraw Doesn’t Love Me Either
Sparks Fly When I Set Fire To Your House For Leaving Me
Back to December (Because I Regret the One Time I Actually Broke Up with Somebody Instead of Being the One Who Is Dumped)
Haunted By All My Failed Relationships
Jump Then Fall Is What Will Happen If You Dump Me
Crazier
Tell Me Why Nobody Loves Me
Teardrops on my Guitar turn into Hundred Dollar Bills
Today was a Fairytale, Tomorrow will be Filled with Sappy Chick Flicks, Boy Hating and an Entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s
Love story bout you and me and the restraining order I know you’ve pre filled just in case
You’re So Vain to think this song is about you (just because I openly admit to writing about all my relationships)
Speak Now! (Since I duct taped your mouth, you can’t can you?)
Haunted is what you’re going to be because I plan to stalk you forever
If This was a Movie it would be fatal attraction. Have you seen your bunny lately? I thought not.
Fifteen failed relationships
You’re Not Sorry, but you will be!
You-oooo are never ever ever getting this mind numbing shit out of your head…like ever.
Not That Wide-Eyed Girl Anymore (It’s Just the Botox)
Tim McGraw Is Still Married To That Bitch Faith Hill And I’m Stuck Here With You
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Dammit, Noa! Just 5? Impossible. There are way too many good ones here!
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: YOU Strike Again!
It was harder to choose than I imagined. You got some funny bitches on your site…
Leauxra recently posted..Let’s go Camping in the Scary Woods
Teardrops on my Prenup… BEST!
Lacey recently posted..XXL panties my ass.
First time commenting.
Oh Noa, I lovea you!
Good God! It took me fifteen minutes to choose only five!
Sarah recently posted..Repeat Week- Tales of a Super Dog
Pure gold. Now my coworkers are staring at me wondering why I am crying at my desk…
This is why I need to never miss the Internet.
Dana the Biped recently posted..And That’s How I Died.
Where can I download a copy of “Fifteen (Ways I F*cked John Mayer)”?
I only voted for the ones that made me spit coffee out!
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/183460_339923006103043_1949962747_n.jpg
Just sayin’.
(I would provide the source if I could find it.)
Inappropriate Chappaquiddick reference for the win! I love anyone who can laugh at dead people.
Speaking of dead people, Wikipedia is reporting that Taylor Swift has started dating dead people. Under “Relationships”, it says: “As of summer 2012, Swift is dating Conor Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., and the late Mary Richardson Kennedy.” You go, girl! Don’t let female and dead stop your dating action, you gotta be you!
I am so fucking psyched for this weekly challenge, you have no idea. It’s almost as much fun as sitting in my office playing “6 Degrees of Jeremy Renner”. . .almost. . .
Jen recently posted..Go The @#$% To Sleep
After the winners are chosen, can we please make up lyrics and mail to Swift? Please?!?
Hugs!
Valerie
Valerie recently posted..The Mysterious Case of the Unicorn Vagina
Ha! That reminds me of the snarksquad a bit. Love their buffy recaps (and 50 shades) http://snarksquadculture.blogspot.com/
Mayor Gia recently posted..Cursing Again!
You people kill me, I’m breaking my ass laughing.