Thank God You Have An Opinion Or We’d All Be In Ruins

08/20/2012 · 25 comments

in Psychological Warfare, Social Services, What Is Wrong With You?

I need this lesson as much as anybody else.

Ever said anything you really, really regret?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Dana The Biped: “I wish there were a League of “Meh” Bitches. Being nominated for that would be like being voted queen of that crappy winter semi-formal that no one can remember the name of: the crowning moment of epic blah-itude that you’ll still refer to every chance you get for the next several decades of your sad, sad life before drowning your sorrows in a big box o’ wine.”
Mayor Gia August 20, 2012 at 6:48 am

It’s like the dreaded phrase “Okay, can I give you some advice though?” NO! NO you may fucking not. But I know no matter what I say, there is literally nothing that is going to stop you from mouthing off about what I SHOULD be doing right now. I wish I could sucker punch anyone who used that phrase. Ugh.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Observations through Texting from the Beach

Meg August 20, 2012 at 7:04 am

Just today, I was having a conversation about how I lost a day last week. I really did and I can’t figure out what day it happened but by Friday, I was still enjoying Thursday. Someone offered up, ‘classic alien abduction’, to which I almost responded, ‘now that you mention it, my butt does hurt a little’. I only stopped myself because I was with people I didn’t know very well. Not everyone thinks jokes about anal probing are funny. Do they?
Meg recently posted..Settling In

starle August 20, 2012 at 7:06 am

This has got to be one of your funniest posts ever. I love this so hard. I am pinning it to my shirt.
No, I think I am just going to write ” Because you think it, doesn’t make it magically the truth” on my fucking forehead.
starle recently posted..Why Can’t They Shut Up? The Stream-of-Conciousness Summer

Misty August 20, 2012 at 7:56 am

Well, no offense but . . . this was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life!

Wait, are you offended? But I said “no offense!” That like magically makes it so any asshole thing I say afterwards releases me from all feelings of offense or resentment from you. Don’t you know how this works?

I mean, no offense, but you’re pretty fucking stupid!
Misty recently posted..Excuse Me, Ma’am . . . Your Suitcase is Buzzing

Monica August 20, 2012 at 9:02 am

“No offense” is on par with “I’m not racist, but….” If you have to say it, then yes you are.

Janene August 20, 2012 at 10:08 am

After hearing the “no offense”, I usually ask, “Why did you set me up to be offended? Because I’m now 100% more likely to be offended since you prefaced your comment with ‘No offense.'”

Bill G. August 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Completely agree. They say “No offense” right before telling you that you’re full of shit and your opinions are garbage.

Dear Sweet Mama August 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

I have felt that bee swarm. Am working on finding them a hive and shutting my mouth.

Erin T. August 20, 2012 at 9:45 am

I used to teach swimming lessons for the local YMCA. My daughters were part of the Indian Princess program there (YMCA version of Girl Scouts) and during a Roller Skating Party I attended with them, one of my swimming students was there with his sisters. He recognized me immediately but it took me longer to recognize him outside of the pool in street clothing. Without thinking that I was talking to an 8 year old boy I said to him “I didn’t recognize you in clothes.” Realizing what I said could be and probably was taken completely out of context to bystanders I tried to amend it with “I mean I didn’t recognize you not being soaking wet.” Again – wrong choice of wording. Completely flustered I finally said “Are you ready for swimming lessons on Monday?”

I’m surprised I wasn’t detained by the other parents who overheard and were staring with their mouths wide open.

I deeply regret saying this, and even 13 years later it’s mortifying to know I did.
Erin T. recently posted..Mindless Baby Rumblings…

Kelly Fox August 20, 2012 at 10:23 am

Love you! Never, ever should anyone:
A: Talk about anyone else’s Parenting
B: Voice their opinion on Polictics or Religion if they are uniformed
C: Talk about someone else’s deformities
D: Judge anyone else.
or just be a big old Douchey Douchewagon
Kelly Fox recently posted..Helloo… is it..

Mandi August 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I’m the less smelly side of the asshole coin. I will deliberately lead people into statements where they slobber all over their own shoe leather just so I can say, “Wow. You really did just say that, didn’t you. That’s awkward.”
Mandi recently posted..You poor, dumb bastards…

Jaime August 20, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I have a horrible disease… it’s called foot in mouth disease… and I also am missing that filter that other people seem to have between their brain and their mouth … when they are about to say something stupid, their brain steps in with, “no dude, don’t say that”…. my connection is broken.. and before my brain has a chance to stop it.. stupid shit just comes out of my mouth.

it also applies to my fingers sometime.. before I have a chance to think about what I’m gonna comment… the button has already been pressed.
Jaime recently posted..fuzzies and fun….

Jen August 20, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I try to just beat people to the punch by openly admitting that I’m an asshole, I dress like a tramp and I’m a half-assed parent. It’s a time-saver, really.
Jen recently posted..Conversations With Jess: Hit Me Baby, One More Time

injaynesworld August 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I blurt dumb shit out all the time. It’s a gift. ;)

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd August 20, 2012 at 7:10 pm

You’re really good at these, Noa. I hope that what I just said doesn’t haunt the both of us for the rest of our lives.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep6 – Extra Segments

Abby August 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm

If you tell me I look tired one more effing time, I will say things I know I’ll regret. I’m not effing around.
Abby recently posted..The Campaign Trail

Bill G. August 20, 2012 at 7:51 pm

You’ve perfectly described how my brain-mouth filter should work but usually doesn’t. Good stuff, but I still want to make fun of hipsters and people who merge onto the freeway at 30 MPH slower than freeway traffic.

Monica August 20, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I tend to give too much information. Not in a TMI sense, but I keep babbling long after I’ve told the other person what they need to know. It’s like every trivial fact related to the topic at hand vomits out of my brain. Someone needs to stop me.
Monica recently posted..DIY Friday: Swap-bot makes it easier to craft-swap

Valerie August 20, 2012 at 10:26 pm

And this goes DOUBLE for mimes. Fucking assholes.

Hugs!

Valerie
Valerie recently posted..Mannequin Arm becomes a real arm… Like fucking Pinocchio and shit.

Delfin Joaquin Paris III August 20, 2012 at 11:13 pm

You went infographic. I’m proud of you. Now, never do it again. For reals.
Delfin Joaquin Paris III recently posted..The Thoughts I Had During My Ride To Work

Nikki Lyclic August 21, 2012 at 2:36 am

I hate phrases. No don’t lie to yourself. You wouldn’t want that, so don’t do it to others.
Nikki Lyclic recently posted..Male Fertility: Make your Sperm Count

Erin Witha Q August 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

There was an abandoned building next door to the bar I frequent where homeless people would go to sleep and it was getting torn down. One of the guys working on it came in and I asked him if they had “kicked out all the hobos” yet. The guy proceeded to tell me he was homeless for a while and he and his wife had stayed in that very same building. I felt terrible.

Danielle Geer August 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm

No, never.

Why, have you?

*blink*

*blink*

Okay, maybe once. But that’s all.
Danielle Geer recently posted..Of Michael Kors and Left-Handed Watches

Non-Girlfriend August 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I am printing this post and pinning it to my wall at work! Excellent!
Non-Girlfriend recently posted..Totally Random Tuesday, One Day Early (Well, Not NOW Since I Fucking Fell Asleep)

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