Funny Bitch Friday: Cerebral Milkshake

08/31/2012 · 12 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

I have a solid rule that if you call your cat a fuckstick and draw pictures about spiders having sex, I’ll love you forever. That’s how Adrian won me over.

Cerebral Milkshake did the same thing.

She’s so viciously creative with insults that I’m terribly jealous, and instead of destroying her like my ego tells me to do (FUNNIER THAN ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOO), I want to share her funny with you guys. Because morals. And also hilarity.

Motherfucker Snickerdoodles


Why I Suck As A Woman: Part 1. Alternate Title: Back The Fuck Off My Hotspot, Asshole. 

WARNING: This post contains a picture of someone with a horrible hair cut. And a nipple.

Carl Brutananadilewski, King of the Housethings

I’ll never look at a spider the same way again.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From April: “You know those bars where you can pull your boat up and have dinner and drinks? I want to burst out of the water in my whale subarine and scare the peanuts out of those boat people thinking they’re all that in their shiny boats having drinks. Then they’ll be all, “why’d we get a boat when we could have goten a whale submarine?” And for once, I’ll be the cool kid.”
Mayor Gia August 31, 2012 at 6:45 am

I always feel so smart when I’m already a fan of the funny bitches you pick! YAY, I’m in the loop!
Mayor Gia recently posted..My (Not So) Secret Addiction

Jen August 31, 2012 at 8:57 am

The picture of dominatrix granny made me throw up in my mouth a little. I like that in a person. She makes my blackened little heart squee with love. So. Much. Love.
Jen recently posted..Thank You For Not Impregnating Me

psychofab August 31, 2012 at 10:41 am

I have to say, some people just have an art when it comes to insults and making people back away slowly while saying a hail mary. I have experience this once before, while trapped in a car with four other people doing a Halloween “Danger Run”. It really is dangerous, when the two people in the front seats won’t stop fighting, and the driver turns (taking his eyes completely off the road) and screams ” If you don’t shut up I swear I am going to cut your face off and wear it!”. Good times…

Banana Stickers August 31, 2012 at 12:39 pm

So I’m getting ready to take my cat in to be put down (not King Carl, but Megatron the Asshole), when I saw this here post, AND OMG SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED.. Megatron began showing signs of life. No joke. He came out from his hidey-hole that he’s been deteriorating in for the past few weeks and was all, “MEOW” as if to say “See what happened here? This is a sign to not kill me yet. So fuck off. Kaythanxbye”. Then he purred in my general direction and slinked his semi-rotting ass back to his little sick-cave in the under-bed. Seeing how he hasn’t really moved or talked to me in a while, my mind is kind of blown.
This has brought him another day. If by tomorrow I can get him to eat and not projectile vomit kitty kibble all over the place, then I will call you Saint Noa. For real.
Okay, maybe there’s no relation, but still… fuck yeah!
Banana Stickers recently posted..Why I suck as a woman: Part 1 of many. Alternate title: Back the fuck off my hot spot, Asshole.

Allie August 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I’m with Mayor Gia, I love being in the know when it comes to the funny bitches. It feels like when someone tells me they like my shoes. Or my vagina.

But seriously, this is one funny bitch and a wonderful addition to the league!
Allie recently posted..RNC and the Five Stages of Grief

Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes) August 31, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I was sad that the bad haircut and the nipple weren’t larger.

But that’s probably just me.

Meanwhile, I thought I was the only one who had nightmares of getting my tit removed during a mammogram. I call it, “Getting my tit caught in a wringer” because seriously, it feels like that horrible commercial they show with bladder control products when they’re twisting the pad between two vices to show how absorbent it is. All I can think of is, “Sweet Jesus, that’s like my tit in the wringer.”

Welcome to the League, mama!
Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes) recently posted..Of bitches, tampons, and Justin Bieber

Dana the Biped August 31, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Oh, god, I’m so depressed. And all because I know *exactly* what she means when she says, “what in the great blue fuck.” Because that’s the only kind I get. Which is not to say that I’m doing the diddly with Papa Smurf (even though I do have a thing for men with facial hair), but rather that it is a rare thing. It’s like a blue moon, except moons don’t give orgasms.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Pinterest Makes Me Hate Everybody

Chooplah August 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm

The plumber is letting me out for one last comment. This is incredibly well deserved, bananastick3rs was my best buddy in blogworld, a constant source of hilarity, and the only reason I’ve decided to reappear for a moment. You see, in Canada (where I’m vacationing for three months), we don’t have the internet yet. I miss you all, but she definitely deserves to be in the League. Awesome pick, Noa.
Chooplah recently posted..10 Things To Know About Huge Boobs

Banana Stickers August 31, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Shoulda went with Disneyworld… they’ve got little hats with mouse ears and violently happy children. So I’m told.
Banana Stickers recently posted..Why I suck as a woman: Part 1 of many. Alternate title: Back the fuck off my hot spot, Asshole.

April September 5, 2012 at 10:47 am

Holy crap! I got a favorite comment! I’m putting this on my resume immediately. Maybe on a t-shirt as well.
April recently posted..Ireland Part 2 – Blarney

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