A Visual Guide For Dickbags

08/15/2012 · 27 comments

in Psychological Warfare, What Is Wrong With You?

Who else needs to shut the fuck up?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Delfin Joaquin Paris III: “This is why I always pull out.”
Mayor Gia August 15, 2012 at 6:45 am

Yep, it’s that time of year. When looking at your sadly misinformed facebook friends’ updates make you want to rip your eyes out because OH MY GOD I DONT WANT TO SOUND LIKE MY MOM BUT WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?!?!?
Mayor Gia recently posted..A Letter to Egg Foo Young

Bill G. August 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm

No fucking doubt. I’m one of those saps that only wants to see pictures of the kids and see what’s up with friends and family on Facebook. If I want to see a political forum, I’ll go to one of the 8 billion fucking websites dedicated to being a political forum. I don’t want to read their political shit and I’ll bet the house and lot that they don’t want to read mine.

Misty August 15, 2012 at 7:48 am

Sigh. It just all makes me very tired. Tired and sad.
Misty recently posted..If I Can Make It There: BlogHer ’12

thelovelyjazmin August 15, 2012 at 8:19 am

I politely told a facebook friend that her pro-voter-intimidation fb status was incorrect and offensive to ME (along with tons of other people but…ME!!). She blocked me. I’m so distraught because it was a great opportunity to be really rude and bitchy and I wasted it. Never shall I let another bitchychance pass me by.
thelovelyjazmin recently posted..dnlfn:

Dowling Duncan and redesigning the American Dollar:

Rachel August 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

I find that the people who bitch the most about the state of things, are the ones who do the least to change them. This is why I don’t bitch about politics. I don’t know enough about it to really change anything, I don’t care enough about it to really change anything, and I’m far to lazy to even attempt to learn anything about it.

Kelly Fox August 15, 2012 at 9:21 am

What really gets me is that the people who are the most expressive in their stance, are those who have no idea what they are talking about. I guarantee if they clue in, actually look into who and what you are promoting and THEN step back and say “wtf have I been doing!?”
Kelly Fox recently posted..Nothin’ but net!

Tans August 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

i love this. i love this so hard i want to marry it and have its’ babies. which is saying something, because i am not even choosing to have babies with my own damn husband.


starle August 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

My husband needs to shut up. Just because he works all the time does not mean my kids and I need to act as ‘house staff’ and clean ALL day. I have important internets to do!
I also need to shut up. I have been bitching about life in the UK recently. I AM SO GLAD to be here while America tears itself apart again over stupid shit.
starle recently posted..Why Americans are not Popular. Why is ice a problem?

Monica August 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

I recently experienced the magic of hiding someone over her opinions on vaccines. (I’m pro-vaccine, but that’s not important right now.) I’ve learned to embrace the privacy settings on FB. I have a couple hundred FB “friends,” but only a couple dozen I care to know about all the time. I still like my friend who thinks vaccines cause autism, but I’m happier for not having to read her posts. I can still go to her page and catch up on her life when I feel like it, and I’m not impulsively getting into e-fights with her. Win-win.
Monica recently posted..To groap or not to groap?

JenB August 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Oh God, I loved this! From both sides. My sister does this on Facebook and it just makes everyone uncomfortable. And there’s no having a reasonable debate/conversation either. It’s all ranting and screaming.

Noa, you are the voice of reason….
JenB recently posted..Brave Girl

Dana the Biped August 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The paparazzi need to shut up. No one cares if I’ve gained ten pounds, okay? I’M STILL FUCKING FABULOUS.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Darwin, I Am Sorry

Jaime August 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I just kept clicking on options … thanks for my morning entertainment.
Jaime recently posted..dancing around the room like a fool

Nina Parrish August 22, 2012 at 4:50 am

I always love clicking for the choices.
Nina Parrish recently posted..The Power of a Big and Thick Penis during Sex

Johi August 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

My favorite facebook posts currently are a tie between the political rants and “Click LIKE if you REMEMBER this” and then there is a picture of The Brady Bunch or some toy from the 80’s. Those captions might as well be “Click LIKE if you are OLD AS FUCK and can still remember the bad TV and lead painted toys from your childhood.”

P.S. I know EXACTLY what all that shit is and I have yet to click LIKE, so suck it facebook.
Johi recently posted..Wrapping Up BlogHer 2012

Rachel August 15, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I have some weird rebellious thing going on where I refuse to click “LIKE” on any image or post that commands me to do so, even if I really do like the picture or comment. If there was a “FUCK YOU” button I’d click that on those stupid demanding posts. I’d click it so hard, all the time. “FUCK YOU SKIP-IT! I remember you and I enjoyed the shit out of playing with you, but FUCK YOU for insisting I ‘LIKE’ you on Facebook! I do what I want!”

Bill G. August 16, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Click LIKE if you’re ready to put your head through a plate glass window. I’ve had a Facebook account for 6 months and I’m already sick of the bullshit.

FFW August 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm

“Click LIKE if you almost broke a thumb trying to change the channel when you were young”. Honestly, the next time I see bitter ranting, I’m going to block their asses (unless, of course, it is MY bitter ranting. I can’t delete myself). Including the two douches from high school that are both divorced because one screwed the other’s wife. Entertaining at times, but depressing as hell ALWAYS. And the political ones? Egads. BLOCKED.

Not unfriended, though, because I still need to know when she needs cupcakes for the next bake sale…
FFW recently posted..Poo-Tastrophe 2012’s Thrilling Conclusion

Meg August 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I was just looking at Facebook and wondering if I can make it until November. In the last three weeks, it’s gotten especially bad and twice I’ve come close to deactivating my account. I’ve also debated on hiding people from my newsfeed, but as Facebook rarely works the way it’s supposed to, that’s an exercise in futility. It’s pretty damn sad when you lose respect for someone you love because of being able to see every comment and like they make on Facebook regardless of your settings. Since I live overseas, up till now I’ve always enjoyed Facebook as a way to keep up with people I rarely get to see. It’s definitely lost it’s luster. Between the YourECards phase, religious and political posts, I’d gladly choke half the people in my news feed and not feel the least little bit sad about it.
Meg recently posted..Settling In

Pingu August 16, 2012 at 6:31 am

The customer in front of you in a supermarket queue. The one who spends the entire time whining loudly about how they have IMPORTANT THINGS to do, and they’ve been WAITING FOR HOURS. Nobody cares that you’re going to be fucking five minutes late for your Wednesday night yoga class, except for you and perhaps the teacher. Then when they get to the counter and start ranting to the cashier, who has no control over how many people are in the shop and so how long the line is, as though the poor cashier should have been able to magically vanish the other customers.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSWIPE. Complaining about shit nobody cares about is taking longer than just letting the cashier scan your things through, thus making you later still. Good job, you win on all accounts.
Pingu recently posted..Walt Malaprop

Bill G. August 16, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Yeah, it’s usually some self-important fucker with a $70,000 Volvo in the parking lot and a $900,000 castle to go home to, with dinner waiting when they get there. Why don’t you swing by skid row to get re-centered, you fuck? Maybe your life isn’t so bad.

JenB August 16, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I always feel sorry for the abuse those cashiers get. It just ain’t right.
Although I do find customer asshole-osity fairly well distributed among all income levels.

Meg August 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Bless you. Seriously. I am re-posting this. I cannot read another angry political diatribe based on no facts whatsoever. My brain hurts.
Meg recently posted..We Are Warriors!

Jen August 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Every time I try to open this post I see a blank screen. I feel empty inside that I’m missing this glory…WHY MUST I BE DENIED!?!?
Jen recently posted..The Red Dress Playlist: "We Are Young"

Jillian August 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The two ladies at the public pool today really needed to shut up. Mostly because they were arguing about the message on one lady’s answering machine. Also because they were in the public shower and were naked.
Jillian recently posted..If You Give A Mormon A Mustache

Todd August 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

There was no “On my blog” option for where you post your opinions, so I selected “my ass.” Coincidentally, that’s the nickname for my blog!
Todd recently posted..Sarcastically Yours, The Wiz

Dave in Sherman August 19, 2012 at 12:41 am

Guys, you all are stressing this a little much. I have a Facebook account because I have several hundred students in several states and a lot of them are on and use it to contact each other. Want to know how much any of the posts bother me? ZERO!!!!!! It’s simple. I don’t read it. I could give a shit what soup some attention-sucking poster had or who likes who on-line or any of that shit. My FRIENDS come over to my house and drink my beer and drive me bugfuck with their politics and opinions, but do it in a polite way because one: I am buying the beer, and two: this is Texas and if you act like too much of an asshole I will kick you the hell out the door.
What would probably be helpful is if some of you shut off the computer and had a little FTF time. When you stare at this shit on the screen too long, you deserve what you get.

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