A Bag of Dicks, Please, With a Side of Asshat

07/09/2012 · 53 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This, What Is Wrong With You?


I hate everyone.

Ever done a service job or seen some kind of horror service story? Tell me–good, bad, and ugly!

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From JimK: “I’m pretty hetero by both nature and history, but Hamm’s look to camera after mouth-raping Mike, with the rib pat and a “Good man?” So brilliant that it made me want to drop the panties.”
Mayor Gia July 9, 2012 at 6:59 am

Wow. This should be a mandatory class for every single person in America. And if you ack like a dickwad, you need to take a refresher course until you learn to not be a bag of dicks.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend and his Pipe

Johi July 9, 2012 at 7:27 am

I worked as a waitress in high school in my tiny hometown where many people thought that $.50 was a decent tip. Then I went to college for 4 1/2 years. When I was through with my schooling, I was wondering around with an Art degree and no plan for the future. Then I found a job in RETAIL.

So, to answer your question: YES. I have horror stories about the service industry. I could dedicate an entire book just to adult people who don’t know their own fucking shoe size and more adult people (probably the same ones) who pronounce “buffet” with a T.

My personal favorite was an extremely volatile woman trying to return something without a receipt. I could have accepted it, but from the point that she approached the counter with the item to return she was such a flaming biznitch that I just acted like my hand were tied and rocked back on my heels to watch her have a meltdown right in front of me and everyone vacationing in Estes Park, CO (i.e. everyone, their uncle AND their dog). She put on a show better than the 4th of July. I seriously thought that her head was going to implode.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but through my many years of practicing as the “salt of the Earth” service person, I do know how to treat service people. I also know my shoe size and how to pronounce “buffet”.
Johi recently posted..Speak to Text: Making educated people look stupid since 2010

Cyprium July 9, 2012 at 8:36 am

I currently work as a customer service agent for a large game console company – I talk to assholes, asshats, morons, and generally people who should not own anything more complicated to operate than a fat crayon that has already had the paper peeled off of it for them. I have found that it is (the majority of the time) somehow my fault when people forget their password and can’t follow simple instructions on how to reset it. It is also my fault when people overdraw their bank account because they are paying for a subscription they can not afford. It is also my fault when someone gives their child their credit card and said child makes insanely frequent purchases over a six month period and mom and/or dad don’t realize this until the 7th or 8th month. In all of these cases I am personally responsible. I have been personally threatened by lawsuits for these monies and ‘pain and suffering’. To these people I say “FUCK YOU”. I have a shoe full of children and I would never place the blame for my own shortcomings as a parent on anyone else. I do not give my children my credit card information for ANY reason. If I lose my password to an account that has my financial information on it, I shoulder that blame. People have no idea how cruel they are being when they are having their selfish little whines about how put-upon they are because they can’t get online in a game to be vulgar and shoot the shit out of their buddies because they didn’t pay their bill.
I have actually had customers cuss me out because their neighbor in the apartment complex either changed their wi-fi password or ADDED a wi-fi password when they realized their neighbors were choking down the bandwidth by leeching off of them for free. No, I will not give you a refund for a non-refundable service because your neighbor locked their wi-fi and you can no longer access the internet for free. Do what the rest of the world does and PAY FOR THAT SHIT!!
No, I do not want to be friends with you online. No, you can’t have my email address. No, I will not add you to my friends list ‘after the call’. No, I don’t know who you are, nor do I care. No, I do not know the CEO and I don’t care if you do. Yes, I was trained specifically to make sure you, personally, were miserable every time you call.

To my customers who treat me with respect and do not act like they own the world:
My day is always much brighter when you call in and I am able to make you happy. Thank you for not asking me to give you something for free. It makes me feel so happy to offer something to you for free for allowing me to spend some quality time talking to a decent human being. I know that what you are dealing with is stressful. No one calls for support when they are having a great day and I realize that I am your life-line in most instances. I am going to do everything in my ability to make sure you are happy when we end the call. Thank you for listening and following instructions. Thank you for understanding that my job is not to kiss your ass, but to try to assist you in resolving whatever issue prompted you to call me for help.

With that being said, when I go out to eat – I am kind of a bitch to anyone who doesn’t take care of me in a fashion that makes me not feel like I live in a shoe still with my children. I don’t start out to be a bitch and I know you have other customers…but I don’t go out to eat because I want to have to track someone down to order my food, fill my drink or figure out how to get my dinner to the table. I tip appropriately – if you make me have to explain to my children that dinner is going to take longer than expected (and you are directly to blame for the wait on said dinner) I am going to tip you less. If you communicate with me and let me know that there will be a delay, for whatever reason, I will be perfectly content with the answer. My children can hear as well as I can and I will not have to explain. Just make sure I have sweet tea while I wait and party on. :) I will still tip you well simply based on the fact that you are still making my life easier.

I know my shoes size because its hella-embarrassing to tell any sales person that you need a boat ski for your feet. :)

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

If you really want a window into a person’s character, watch how they treat restaurant servers and other service people. If you’re just starting to date somebody and you see them abusing service people, RUN. They’re a sick fuck and when they start getting comfortable in the relationship, they’ll start treating YOU like that. My sister’s asshat ex-husband was the perfect example of this.

Jen July 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Her ex-husband’s name wasn’t Mark was it? I mean. . .just out of curiousity, of course.
Jen recently posted..Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Bill G. July 11, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Steve. He was a fucking dink early on and only got worse after he started using meth. The divorce went through real easy when he went off to federal prison for 5 years for dealing to an undercover federal agent. After that marriage, my sister started dating women, dead serious. I don’t think the experience MADE her gay but I think it gave her a good jump start in that direction. Being married to that piece of shit for 12 years caused her to really reflect on life. I’m glad my parents are cool about her having a girlfriend, a lot of them do fucked up things (tie her up in a chair and scream bible scriptures, disown her until she starts “living right”, bullshit like that).

Amelia July 9, 2012 at 8:47 am

So. Many. Stories.

In general, my favorites are the ones who start their (insert irrational request here) with “I spend a lot of money here!”. NO. NO YOU DON’T. I’m here 40 hours a week minimum, and I would know who you are if you did. Also, if you return everything you buy, you’re actually just a BORROWER, not a customer.

My best specific story: One Christmas, I had a customer who requested a holiday-themed shopping bag. We do not have holiday-themed bags. When the sales person told her that, she demanded a manager. (I’m not sure if she expected me to have a printing press in the stock room?) The conversation devolved into her yelling at me about how WE HATED JESUS.

A) Our owners are Jewish, so I’m guessing they’re fairly indifferent on the subject of Jesus. B) We don’t have Christmas bags because NOT EVERYONE celebrates Christmas. See point A. C) Christmas shopping bags are a waste of money, because you end up either throwing away extras afterwards or storing them for 11 months.

Chooplah July 9, 2012 at 9:03 am

I just ran into a woman at the airport screaming at two guys because they changed her gate. I had been stranded for two days in three different cities and was happily eating a pretzel because a giant flying piece of metal was still going to get me to my location more quickly than a fucking car. I finally said to her that these guys weren’t personally responsible for the gate change, and that she needed to go back to her gate and verbally abuse her husband that is most likely cheating on her. Cheers from the crowd. She wasn’t as receptive.
Chooplah recently posted..7 Summer Cocktail Ideas You Can’t Miss

Bill G. July 11, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Gate changes happen all the time. If that’s the sort of thing that pushes a person over the edge, they’re clearly not ready for air travel. Yep, it begs the question: would you rather spend 4 days in the car, bitch?

Leauxra July 9, 2012 at 9:27 am

I have had… um… 35? jobs? Most in customer service.

I am not a people person, but I can’t decide what I want to be when I grow up.

So, when I worked at Kinko’s, I had to have the toughest game face of any of my jobs. Getting between people and their copies was worse than fast food if you can believe it. So I had this huge fakey smile, and a little hop in my step… I noticed if i laid it on thick, people would calm down and believe me when I said it would be OK.

One day, a pastor from a local church stopped in to copy a poem for his congregation, with a picture. I was my usual fake-bubbly self, and finally, he said, “I don’t think you’ve said one genuine thing to me this whole time.”

I paused, wilting a little, then smiled a big smile, “That’s because I don’t want to get arrested. Have a nice day!”

He was making me copy pictures of aborted fetuses. Fucker should be glad I didn’t want to get arrested.

Paul Day July 9, 2012 at 11:59 am

I did copy center for a short time. Absolute hell. Even worse than tech support via phone. Thankfully, I’ve blocked most of it out.

Leauxra July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Paul Day, can you believe that in my current profession, I look back at the copy center, and phone support, with nostalgia and regret? Why didn’t I stay there? WHY?

Well, now I’m depressed.

Cyprium July 10, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I do tech support via phone for the most entitled bunch of fucktards that ever learned how to dial a phone. Today’s very special customer told me what a cunt I was. It was a lovely experience.

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:21 pm

You’re not a people person? Not a problem. I’ve had a parade of fuckhole bosses tell me that they’re a people person. When person uses that as a self-description, they carry a high probability of being a fuck-nugget. I won’t say all, but the percentage isn’t good.

Rachel July 9, 2012 at 9:36 am

I used to work at a small loan company, and I learned that people are only nice when you’re giving them money. They are much less nice when you actually have to collect that money, especially if you call them, or go to their home or job to do so, even though they signed a contract that stated in bold print that I would and could legally call and make home and work visits to get my motherfucking money after you’re 2 months late on a payment. They also don’t appreciate it when you tell them you’re going to repo the collateral they put up against the loan. That’s usually when the big guns came out. Literally. And that’s usually about the time I hauled ass out of there.

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm

It’s a good lesson for us all. Take care of your own business because you won’t like it when the marshalls show up on your doorstep to do it for you.

Ally July 9, 2012 at 9:54 am

Do you know what makes entitled assholes into gigantic douchebags? Booze. I’m so lucky that my job puts me around drunk assholes. My favorite is when I was kicking a group of people out for bringing in their own alcohol. They proceeded to call me a ‘liberal, hippie, dyke’ and informed me that I just didn’t want upperclass people in my bar and I was being discriminatory. Umm last time I checked Coor’s Light wasn’t a high class beer.

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I’ve seen business reps who make $150,000/year act like teenage shitbirds in hotel bars when the alcohol starts flowing. I’m quite certain I’d rather hang out with a “liberal hippy dyke” than eggheads like that.

toni in florida July 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

If I put my mind to it, I could probably find an example or two from my 3.5 years of bartending (a million years ago, when I was in college) or from my 3 years in the Army after that (where part of my job was being a phlebotomist), but I refuse to pick at any scabs or scars there. What’s in the distant past, etc., etc.

But in the 14 years (out of the last 22) I’ve been a 911 operator and fire/rescue dispatcher, I have heard pretty much any and every little thing you can imagine. The one that chaps my hide the most is *not* what you might think (“I pay your salary”), it’s “Just sent the po-lice” screamed repeatedly at me (and often followed by a hangup) when I’m just trying to get the cuntwaffle (or cockwaffle, because douchebaggery is an equal opportunity affliction) to verify exactly *where* they need the police… or the ambulance… or the firetrucks. Look, I get it that people don’t call 911 when their lives are going great or to invite you to their baby shower or to offer you a free sack of cash**, that they’re possibly having the worst day of their lives, but I cannot send them help IF I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE HELP IS NEEDED. (Pardon my caps, please, and I’ll promise not to yell again? Thanks.)

** I did once get a 911 call from a, um, gentleman who told me he wanted to eat my pussy, but that doesn’t really count as a happy share, does it? No, I didn’t think so either.
toni in florida recently posted..Common as Dirt

Jillian July 9, 2012 at 11:48 am

Besides the time that I almost called the cops because a man was yelling obscenities at me at 6 a.m., my favorite story from working in the service industry is when a group from the local nursing home came into my cafe. First, one of the old bitties starting having diabetic seizures becuase their fearless leaders hadn’t thought to bring her any granola bars or apple juice. Then another classy broad decided that her bee-eff-eff was cold, so she ripped off her shirt to hand it over. Thankfully she didn’t really care that she was going commando underneath, otherwise we might have had a real crisis on our hands when she realized that her saggy boobs were out for the whole world to see instead of just being internally horrified. Neither of those situations actually have to do with my being a service worker. I just thought I’d share my horror.
Jillian recently posted..I Still Blame The Girl Scouts

Paul Day July 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

Dead on. I honestly will do everything I can to help you. Really I will. But if you’re gonna get pissy because you have no idea what you’re doing and try to blame me for it – it’s just not gonna be pleasant.

There are so many worsts that I created an FB page for it *laffin*

The top 2:
1. The woman that screamed at me for 45mins about how she “DIDN’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT” because she had company over. I told her she could call back when her company left. She kept screaming.

2. Doing a printer install over the phone with for Mr. Angry and his son Mr. Angry Jr.
Me: Would you put the CD that came with the printer into CD-ROM drive, please?
Mr. Angry: GODDAMN THIS SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!! THE PACKAGE SAYS THAT YOU’LL DO EVERYTHING!! **GODDAMN IT**!

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm

What, you can’t pop out the other end of the phone like a genie, fix his problems in 8 seconds flat, blow him, and pop on back to Happy Phone-rep Land? **GODDAMN IT**!

[Of course, if you could do that, you’d probably be chasing him around the coffee table with a fucking baseball bat. “You’ll install that software driver with my foot in your ass. **GODDAMN IT**!”]

Cyprium July 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I would ask you if we worked together, but I don’t help install printers. I can no longer count the number of times I have said “now type blablablabla into the address bar and press enter……..no ma’am, its B-L-A-B-L-A-B-L-A. now hit enter….no ma’am, you typed it into the search bar, we want the address in the address bar….no ma’am if you don’t see what I told you would be there you are not in the right place….what do you see in the address bar?” and then had to repeat it, over and over and over again.
(And of course its never them, its either me or their computer has a “virus” on it and that is what is causing their issue)

Dana the Biped July 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Being a karaoke jockey only sort of put me in the service industry–but it did make people feel entitled to put their arm around my back/under my arm for a little armpit/cleavage squeeze. Guess who just got moved to the bottom of the queue? You, tit-grabber.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Phoning It In

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Wow! Talk about begging for an elbow to the balls.

Jen July 9, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I would rather be waterboarded at Gitmo than ever work in retail again. My blinding, white-hot hatred of humanity does not lend itself to the service industry.
Jen recently posted..Baby, You Can Drive My Car

starle July 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Here, let me summarize this post for those of you living in the UK:
Don’t bother, no one cares
starle recently posted..My Snail Tried To Run Away, I Am That Embarrassing

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd July 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

People have a very hard time with the concept of, “just because that person is there to yell at, doesn’t mean they did the thing that made you mad or can fix it.” A magic pill that would cure the asshats of that little problem wouldn’t change everything but would really put a dent in it.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Five Minute Movies 4: A New Five Minute Movies

Misty July 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Oh yes. I have been both dicked upon and witness to the dickitudeness of people to service peeps. I was a waitress and was treated like garbage and/or their own personal food servant, and I have seen people out at stores treating the service personnel like complete assholes. My favorite? Having a full on personal conversation on your phone while someone is trying to check you out at a store. It makes me want to shove the phone so far up their twat that they can continue the conversation without opening their mouth.
Misty recently posted..I Would Love to Stay and Chat . . .

Banana Stickers July 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

This is fucking brilliant.
I have been in health care for seven years or so. It’s a lot like retail, but with bodily fluids. And instead of “Can you tell me where I can find this thing that I’m looking for?”, we have dudes whipping out their junk saying, “Can you tell me what the fuck this weird thing is next to my balls? Am I going to die?” or “I have a runny nose and I can’t find the tampon I inserted three weeks ago, OMG”.
It blows my mind how awful people can to health care workers (and to anyone that works with the public). I work in the front and back office of the clinic I currently slave for. Back office is WONDERFUL There’s a sense of delight that occurs when self-entitled piles of stupid fuck rethink their manners and word choices as I’m coming at them with a needle.
“Yes sir. Please drop your drawers and bend over the table. This will only take a minute”.
It’s the little things that make the job worth it, you know?
Banana Stickers recently posted..Cheaper Than A Shrink… a place where you can buy stuff. Cool stuff.

Bill G. July 9, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Holy fuck. Next time I get pissy because the side door is locked and I have to walk to the center of the building, I’ll remember this shit.

Lacy Foland July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm

My favorite stories of customer service are definitely from when I worked at Auto Club in the Roadside Assistance call center. Because you know who you should scream and curse at? The person who’s literally your only hope for ever getting home. People never think about the power of the person they’re yelling at. It’s like pissing off your bank teller…ummm…she has access to all your financials. Maybe don’t call her a cunt. I’m just sayin’.

Laura July 11, 2012 at 12:19 am

I’m kind of shocked, because I’ve called AAA twice for flat tires, and I think those must be the two most friendly-but-efficient customer service interactions I’ve ever been a part of. If someone’s yelling at the roadside assistance phone person, they must be yelling at *everyone*. And they probably shouldn’t be driving.
Laura recently posted..Probably Not Covered Under Warranty

Jaime July 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

fucking yes!!!!!

I used to make customers that yelled at my staff leave ….and told them they were banned.. there’s no reason for you to yell at my staff…. even if they made a mistake .. we’re all human fuckwad… we ALL make mistakes!
Jaime recently posted..Silent Sunday

Captpositive July 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Noa Gavin, you are my heroine. Your class should be mandatory for all carbon-based biped life forms that are consumers of any product and/or service. I am currently on the front lines in an automotive service department and would like to add the following to the syllabus…

1). Coupon Etiquette: When you have a coupon for a product or service, please present your coupon at the time of asking for said item. I am not fucking Kreskin — I cannot read your ignorant mind and should not be expected to just “know” you have a coupon. It is not my job to provide you with a coupon if you forgot it at home, it was eaten by your dog, your grandmother accidentally used it as toilet paper or whatever other bullshit excuse you have for not having it with you. If you are nice and respectful to me, I may be able to help out. If you actually spend money on something else, your chances just increased of me helping you out. If you are a cheap fuckwad who is going to piss, moan, bitch, complain and threaten to go somewhere else because you can’t save the $2.00 you are “entitled to (even though that $2.00 was not important enough to you to actually bring the coupon with you), then I am going to likely show you the way to the exit.

2). Two hours before you are planning to take your car on a cross-country trip is NOT the time to come in expecting me to rebuild your engine, transmission, and front end after you have neglected them for the last 7 years. Chances are, you planned this trip a while ago — that was the time to make sure your rolling wreck would make it further than 10 miles without exploding, numbnuts.

3). Get the ever-loving fuck off of your fucking phone when you come in for service. If you refuse to do so, DO NOT, under ANY circumstance, hold up the “just a minute” finger to me, or I will return your single finger salute with one of my own. Guess what, fuckstick? When you enter that door, you are on my time–if you don’t have time for me to help you, I will move on to someone who does. Come see me when you’re done yapping with your cousin about Grandpa’s boils or whatever inane bullshit you are blathering about.

4). Just because we don’t close until 6 p.m. does not mean that 5:57 is a good time to come in for service. I don’t want to be stuck in this shithole one second past quitting time any more than you want to stay at your job past quitting time, douchebag. Do not bother to argue with me that we don’t close for three more minutes and I have to do whatever you want while you wait because you made it in before the door closed. This will only get you an even firmer kick in the ass.

5). Don’t bother to dicker with me about the prices. They are what they are, I didn’t set them, and I don’t give a flying fuck whether you think they are fair or not. Yes, you can probably get it cheaper elsewhere–where it will be done by some moron with barely a working knowledge of vehicles with parts made by some toddler in Idontgiveashitistan. If you want to put your faith in that to save 20 bucks, feel free.

6). Free is a four letter f-word. I don’t understand what it means. You get what you are willing to pay for. If you aren’t going to pay me for my services, that indicates to me that you find no value in them. There is a reason that the pimply faced kid at AutoTards is more than willing to hook up his “magic scan tool of awesomeness” and read your fault codes. It’s so that he can sell some parts that probably won’t fix your car and will result in you trying to fix it yourself to save a few bucks and making an even bigger mess of things and costing you more money in the long run. Do yourself a favor and let someone who actually has a clue and has been trained to diagnose your pile of shit tell you what’s wrong with it and fix it. yes, it may cost you a little more now, but it will save you a LOT more down the road.

7). No, YOU are not a mechanic. If you were, you wouldn’t be here asking me the ignorant questions you are right now. Just because I read an article on the interwebs about cancer once doesn’t make me a fucking oncologist.

Sorry, this got WAY longer than I intended. The bad part is, I could probably go on much longer….

Jen July 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm

((S-l-o-w c-l-a-p)) I don’t want to sound forward, but. . .will you marry me?
Jen recently posted..Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Captpositive July 9, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Oh, Jen, you WERE paying attention…flattery WILL get you everywhere :-) Since I am pretty sure this is the second time you have have proposed to me, I may just have to accept and stop playing hard to get. My only fear is that the searing hatred of and disdain for 99.99% of all humanity that would result from the union of our souls would create a black hole of hostility that would swallow the planet whole. I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.

Jen July 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Ive been told I’ve mellowed as of late. Either way, your writing and your contempt of asshats and self-important douchecanoes makes me love you so mad hard that im ready to be your Baby Mama regardless of the naysayers that may question our mutual anger management skills. Holy shit, Noa! You’ve become the new eharmony, Babe.
Jen recently posted..Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Bill G. July 12, 2012 at 12:03 am

For #6: I’ve seen this shit before. I’ve had a co-worker bag on me for taking my car in to a mechanic to have my clutch replaced. He’s just positive I could’ve done it myself for 1/6th the cost. Maybe so. But guess what? This is the same dipshit who went ripping into something on his truck, fucked it up, spent a 3-day weekend trying to fix it, and had his truck towed to a mechanic Tuesday morning to get it fixed at triple the cost that it originally would’ve because of what he fucked up. Way to go, genius. You pissed away a 3-day weekend and had nothing to show for it but a fuck-ton of aggravation and a pissed-off wife.

By the way, this is the same guy who went on a camping trip with the guys from work and came back to find all his stuff on the front lawn. If you’re going to say, “Fuck her, she’ll get over it,” you better think about that real hard.

It’s not hard to figure out who you shouldn’t listen to, but it’s amazing how often people fuck that up.

Sam July 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I once worked at an auto maintenance shop as a front-desk salesperson. My main job was to schedule people in for work on their cars and help them pick out their tires. Two stories come to mind:
1) Guy calls in, literally 2 blocks from the shop & asks “Do you have tires for my truck?” What? “Have you been a customer here before?” *asshat-ish tone…”Uhh, no” So I asked him what size tires he has on his truck. “I don’t know, look it up” Orly how the HELL am I going to do that? Oh yeah, the service worker’s secret power…telepathy! So his bitchy g/f gets on the phone, calls me a Re*** and hangs up on me. They are now IN the parking lot & come in the store to as the same exact question. I walk outside, check the tire size & come back in the store. I tell him, yes we do have 4 tires that match your tire size. “I don’t want that size tire, I want bigger ones”…proceeds to tell me the fucking size tire that he WANTS. omfg. So, I look THAT tire up, it is a size that basically goes on a monster truck and no, we don’t have that size tire you scumbag. Girlfriend calls me a f-ing re**** to my face again in front of an entire store full of customers & as they walk out, I tell them they might have better luck and moar intellegent servace at WalMart. I remained cheery and happily helped the next customer as I was envisioning two giant tires running over those two dipshits.
2) My favorite- woman comes in for tire change. Immediately bitches at me because the mechanics did not tighten lug nuts last time she was there (2 years before I began working there). Said they better be tight this time or I’m going to corporate. Wtfever. She leaves the store & give me her house number to call when her car is ready-refuses to give her cell. She does not go home, goes shopping instead. Mechanic changed tires but one lug nut was missing BEFORE he touched the car-we couldn’t just slap a new one on there b/c it would be an extra charge to the customer & we have to get her approval first. Called her 7 times-no answer. She comes back 2 hours later, bursts in the door screaming that it has been TWO hours and her car is sitting in the SAME place that she parked it, so the work could NOT have been done….told her about the lug nut & tires were changed, but would take another 1/2 hour to change the stem & lug on the wheel- she flips her lid (car had been done for an hour and a half, were just waiting on her to get her ass back to the shop to ask if we could put a new stem & lug on her car). She is screaming at the top of her lungs, throwing stuff at me (including a brake rotor) and one other customer stands up to escort her out of the building. She called the corp office on me because I left the store to go get her lug nut & stud so we could fix her freaking car & get her out of there because she would not let me have the part store deliver the part (an extra 3 minutes). She calls corp, tells them I screamed at her, took 3 hours to get her car done, over charged her, and kicked her out of the store. She left her car there overnight after her hissy fit over how “long” it took to fix & I got fired. Stupid people are stupid.

Bill G. July 11, 2012 at 11:18 pm

For scenario #1: Yeah, I’ve seen this kind of shit from people while dropping off my car to get my tires done. What’s wrong with you for not reading minds and being able to turn a Ford Courier into Bigfoot for $150?

For #2: I do not understand people who HAVE TO have shit done to their car NOW!!! When I need new tires or something like that, I have my wife follow me to the car place in her car on my day off, drop off car at 9 AM, and then we’ll go about our business. Call me whenever on my cell and we’ll come get it. (When I was single, I’d have a buddy give me a ride. I’d buy him lunch for running me around OR repay the favor when he needs his car worked on.) I don’t give a shit if you don’t have it done until 5:00. This is something to wig out about? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Valerie July 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

So simple, yet so hard for most people. Which is why I like to help people with the assistance of my llama companion. Mean to me? Sure, no problem!! I will still help you with a smile. However, watch out for my assistant llama!! He spits… in your food.

Hugs!

Valerie
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Handflapper July 10, 2012 at 12:26 am

Oh, the tales I could tell! I worked as a manager at a water park for ten years. At a place where people supposedly come to have fun, there are a surprisingly large number of dickheads and asshats. Someone was always demanding his/her money back for some dumbass reason. You’re hot? You got wet? The lifeguard at the top of the slide wouldn’t let you go down with your infant in your lap and kill her? Boo fucking hoo. Of course, I was always completely professional and never raised my voice, except that one time that shouty man cursed at a sixteen-year-old female lifeguard and I told him to get the hell out of my park and never come back.
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Bex July 10, 2012 at 1:20 am

Story 1: My mom accidentally left her phone and sweatshirt behind in a dressing room while traveling.
She drove 3 more hours to her destination, realized the problem, and called the store.
The service person there said it wasn’t *her* store, but their sister store across the freeway. She then volunteered to drive over there and check, then contacted my mom to confirm that she had both the phone and sweatshirt, and would hold on to them until my mom could come back
Awe. Some.
On the way back through town, my mom wanted to show that she really appreciated this gal’s extra service, so she brought her a bunch of sunflowers and a card saying thank you for going above and beyond, and apparently the gal teared up.
Story 2: My boyfriend and I visited Tokyo, with essentially no Japanese language skills. Nonetheless, we were hungry, and so had to go out to eat. When the waitress came to take our order, I gave a big smile and motioned outside to the window where they display plastic versions of their food (very common in Japan and fantastic).
I smiled, pointed at a few things, held up one or two fingers to indicate how much, and just kept smiling and saying thank you. She sweetly and awesomely rolled with it, took the order exactly perfectly, and that meal set the tone for our whole visit: smile, be polite, and the service people there will meet us WAY more than halfway.

Nice things happen to nice people. Nice people do small nice things that are just huge to others. Being nice increases the odds of other people doing something really unexpectedly great.

This comment won’t bitch about all the stupid customers who have clearly never been in service… I wanted to relay how some strangers made each others’ days by just being decent. It sounds like today Noa needs to hear that people can be that way, even if they seem few and far between.

Jen July 10, 2012 at 5:03 pm

So true, Bex. So true. I have seen waiters, amusement park staff, flight attendants, and tour guides go out of their way to make my autistic son more comfortable in his environment. we have a grocery store near our home that sets aside the particular bread and peanut butter he likes so we are always sure to get it when we go in, and the last time we stayed in a hotel and my son (who is terrified of fire alarms) saw the smoke detectors and got nervous, the girl at the front desk took him in the back and showed him how they work and let him sit at the computer screen that monitors every floor for safety. That is true service, y’all.
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Captpositive July 11, 2012 at 10:01 am

Yes, there are many people out there who do provide great service on a consistent basis. Being the parent of a special-needs child myself, I find that taking a minute to explain to the person who is giving my son an odd look because he is waving his arms excitedly while watching the trees or flag blow in the wind often goes a long way. There are one or two young people who work at the restaurant I ususally take him to when I see him who always have a smile for him and ask him if he is going to sit in “his” spot so he can watch the flag while we eat. The long and short of it is, if you treat others respectfully and don’t act entitled, you will usually receive great service in return.

Ren July 10, 2012 at 8:06 am

Helldesk for a conveyancing (err, whatever the translation is for the contracts side of buying/selling property for you) company… I dealt with the passive-aggressive glorified-secretaries-on-power-trips of supposedly expensively educated lawyers (who couldn’t spell worth a damn) for seven years.

I had a system… if you were nice to me, your shit got done immediately. If you were an evil, cunting cow, your file would be placed in the Round In-tray.

But… one day I did some work for a walk-in, a very simple matter of needing some very basic information but she had obviously come across too many hurdles by the time she got me. She was polite but tired and due to her circumstances, kinda already upset. I got what she wanted within an hour and she had it in her hands the next morning. She rang up and thanked me profusely, sounding relieved and happy. That made me smile. She wanted to send me a thank you present but I politely refused and did not give her my details. It’s my job – I don’t do it for the kickbacks. Anyway, a couple days later, I got a HUGE package in the company mail. An entire line of brand new cosmetics. I nearly died. It was a lovely gift.

Not all customer service people are morons and not all customers suck – even though sometimes it feels that way. :)

Bex July 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Oh, this story made me so happy!
There are so many people in this world that I *haven’t* thanked anywhere near enough, it’s great to see ways that other people express gratitude.

Dani July 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

I worked for 7 hours as a waitress in a fancy-shmancy “retirement village” many moons ago, when I was young and positive that everyone in the world thought I was special.

(Key words in the above sentence include “worked for 7 hours” and “thought I was special.”)

Here’s what I learned:

1. Rich old people are fuckers.

2. I suck at waitressing.

3. I’m not special.
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Andi Davies July 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Years ago, I worked at Best Buy — as a stock clerk. I once had a woman come in, demand that I show her the fax machines, refuse to let me get a sales clerk, bitch at me for not knowing the details of each model, then demand that I carry the one she wanted to the checkout for her. I quietly did so, then asked if she would like to buy a warranty. That led to a barrage of verbal abuse that….I actually have no recollection of because I walked away at that point.
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Tazer Warrior Princess July 11, 2012 at 3:29 am

Preach it, sister!

I have the misfortune of working with the general public. It’s a whole bag of giggles. For example, yesterday, someone called me a cunt. Because I wouldn’t take his “Statement of Information” from the DMV as an ID. To get cash. Yeah.

Fucking dickbags.
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dotlife July 11, 2012 at 6:46 am

Im a customer service manager for a large betting company in the uk, ive had verbal abuse had things thrown at me and just plain ignorant customers and yeah im less likely to be nice and helpful becuase all round customer service skills become “Id like to give you a clip around the ear”.

Recently after working Five 13hr days in a row at dead on closing time (10pm) i polietly told a cutomer it was closing time, and that due to gambling laws i cold no longer serve him and aked him to come back tomorrow. (I had nicely warned him f these facts ten minutes previously)
to which i Got this….

“Im jut watching this race, and then you can pay me out” in a demanding and well just plain arragant manner.

I repeated my self and then added that because i travel a reasonable distance to my pace of work if i miss this next bus i woudn’t get home till midnight. Trying to work on the basis well surely most ppl understand how much that would suck and seen as he knew id been there since 8am that morning.

to whch i got this

“I dont give a fuck I put a lot of money in this company and i pay your wages”

To which i turned off the screens opened the door and demanded he leave

I was called a bitch and told he would have me fired blah blah.
I still have my job funnily enough but i still missed my bus. The worst end to a crappy week. If he had been nice, i prolly althogh i would not legally be able to pay him out would have let him watch the end of the race even though that woul have meat missing my bus anyway. A simple please would have been all it took.

You are so right that being nice gets you way more…
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Kelley July 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I, too, can relate to a lot of the things that have been posted above. However, the funniest thing that happened when I was doing technical client support was when I received a call on my queue that a client had “corrupted their suppository” (should have been repository). Although the call in and of itself was very technically painful, trying to recover all the data, yadda yadda yadda…. I had to share with the client the actual phrasing when I talked with them and we both had a good laugh.

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