When bad things happen to us, when we lose or hurt or cry, it is very easy to blame others and leave it at that. “You did this to me. You made me who I am.” It feels good to not be responsible for your problems, and it gives you an easy out to never deal with what happened. You and your life aren’t the issue, the onus is on them.
And there you spend your life, standing on the precipice of hate and ego. You can balance there for a very long time without losing yourself, but there will come a day in which you realize you aren’t who you want to be. You don’t like what you are, what you have become. The blame has begun to outweigh the self-praise.
That is when this will either pull you over the edge or back onto the flat:
You are your fault. Everything that happens in your life, good or bad, is your doing.
That is when you choose blame and apathy or introspection and success.
Change happens through looking inward. If you don’t like your job, look inward at how you’re making it harder on yourself, and then change that. You may be a victim of abuse, but you can look inward at the after-effects and choose to change those things about yourself. You may not like who you are, but you can change that.
And in that way, you become responsible for everything in your life, good and bad.
You are not directly at fault for what other people do to you, but you are responsible for how you respond to it. Your pain is very real, and your suffering is as well, and no one can take that badge of survival away from you. You cannot, however, let it negatively affect you for the rest of your life. It will not be easy. You will have to fight, to cry, and to hurt a little more, but you will survive. If you waste away under the memory, then that is your fault.
You are not directly at fault for what other people do to others, but you are responsible for how you respond to it. If you see a bully and do nothing, you are at fault for that person’s suffering. If you see inequity and do nothing to fix it, you are at fault. If you crumple under discrimination and hate and are apathetic to the cause, you are at fault.
You are the direct cause of your successes. If you work, then you see results. If you work harder, you will see more. Luck has something to do with it, but you will find that the harder you work, the luckier you are. You will never (or at least, should never) be handed anything at all. You are the cause of your education, whether it be in school or otherwise. You are the cause of your job, your family, and your home. You have won the things you have, and no matter what, you should be proud.
It’s with this advice that I learned what it means to battle your ego–the voice of constant self-praise and blame for others–and to be responsible for my own life.
When things are good, I have learned to be happy about that, and to try not to worry. I learned enjoy them. I learned to remember that I had something to do with this. I thank those who helped me and accept compliments and praise knowing that it was my work and luck that got me here alongside the support of others who encouraged me.
When things are bad, I learned look at myself first. Did I do something to cause this? If yes, then fix that and don’t do that again. If no, then what caused it? How can I change this situation and how I react to it so that I can learn from it? I am learning to fight off self-doubt and loathing by remembering that it will not bring change, only more pain.
Suck it up, buttercup. You are it. You are the only one you can change, and only by changing yourself first can you change the world.
“You are your fault,” is the single greatest piece of advice I have ever received. What is the best advice you ever received?– Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Dana The Biped: “Chooplah: She had me at “You won’t need pants for this.”