Show, Don’t Tell

06/20/2012 · 34 comments

in Psychological Warfare, What Is Wrong With You?

Very early on in comedy, I was taught to “Show, Don’t Tell.” I was shown the same scene two times, a love scene between two people who hadn’t seen one another in years. The first scene had them stand near one another and state, “I feel love for you.” The second scene had them run towards one another and kiss. The difference between the two was laughable–of course the action was more heartfelt.

I wanted to see more about those lovers, because their actions affected me. Their words seemed strange and off-putting, even if said honestly. I learned very quickly that action speaks more than your voice ever could.

Right now in the world, the belief is that everyone’s opinion is valid and that we have to take every one of them into account before we even touch our own tits. The world is also full of people who can’t wait to hatefuck your brain full of what they think about all of the things in the world while doing everything possible to make the world worse.

Those people are arrogant gasbags.

“In my opinion…”
“If you want to know what I think about it…”
“Honestly, I believe ______ is the way to…”


No one in the world was giving any fucks, not even a mouse. Everyone has their own causes and their own opinions and their own ideas about how the world works, and for that reason, no one’s opinion is valid. That’s right–yours. Your opinion is not fucking valid even one little bit. No one person’s opinion weighs more or means more than anyone else’s because not even one single one matters.

The world moves around us, works around us, and there’s so little we can do about it. Opinions don’t mean SHIT. Not a single goddamn person on the planet cares about how many bumper stickers you have, or all your specially-labeled products, or about your snide remarks about other’s lives.

Action matters. Heart Matters. What you put in, you get out. I don’t care what your opinion on world hunger is or what your opinion is on how we solve it. I give a damn if you are doing anything about it. I don’t give a shit what your opinion on the plight of women or the poor or the differently-alive are, I just care what you’re doing about it.

Legends are not born because of their Earth-shaking opinions. They are legends because of their actions. Act first, be the example of the world in which you want to be, and people will listen to you. Do some good in the world, and people will hear your actions. Be the light of change, and others will follow.

So shut the fuck up. Stop acting like you’re so goddamn amazing that your words jizz the cure for all ails over the world.

Go do some goddamned good.

The only thing I’m good at in my life in the “Show, Don’t Tell” department is providing a bad example and the ensuing laughter sprung from that. What good do you want to do in the world?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Amy: “My cousin was once dating someone no one approved of. My grandmother, who has a country saying for every occasion, said “Well, love will go wherever it’s sent. Even up a pig’s ass.” Ever since, I have attempted to work that saying into conversation whenever possible. It’s not often possible. I try anyway.”
Mayor Gia June 20, 2012 at 6:50 am

Hahah and if you have kids, value them but don’t treat them as if they are the only thing in the freaking world that matteres. And DO NOT get them a reality show. Because that’s how it starts.
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Dani June 20, 2012 at 7:26 am

This post is so incredibly full of Truth and Awesome that I am practically weeping.

“The world is also full of people who can’t wait to hatefuck your brain full of what they think about all of the things in the world while doing everything possible to make the world worse.”

Pure. Poetry.

As far as my Show, Not Tell gift… I’m fluent in Sign Language. By talking with my hands, I’m accomplishing both: Showing while telling. How hard does that rock?
Dani recently posted..Another one with TMI

Kenny Boy June 20, 2012 at 8:33 am

There’s folks in this world who’s only job is to find thing to get offended by. These farging bastages comb the interwebs and radio and TV all day long putting keywords in search engines that might sound vaguely racist/sexist/whateverthefuckist and then spend a few weeks trying to stir up outrage in the media about whatever they found out there.
I just wish I could grab them by their mohair collars (yep, I have no idea what mohair is) and drag them out and say, “Here ya go, create a job training program. Create a food bank. Do something, you self-righteous butthurt jackwad, instead of trying to get on a talk show and shame someone else into doing it.”

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd June 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

I volunteered for a dog rescue for over six years (currently in between rescues, trying to find a new one in a new town). On adoption days, many well-intentioned people would look around at the dogs, sigh, and say, “I wish I could take them all home,” then walk away. Like, it was that (taking them all home, which obviously is impossible), or do nothing. Which, I know isn’t their intention but it kind of feels that way to the volunteer who has to hear it. Some of our less cynical, more socially capable volunteers would say “but you could make a donation or volunteer!” I’d say that worked about 15% of the time.
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Dani June 20, 2012 at 11:24 am

I worked at the local humane society cat shelter as the shelter coordinator for several years and eventually took on the board of supervisors to turn it into a no-kill shelter. Everybody was in huge support of that until they realized it meant we couldn’t take in every single cat because there simply wasn’t room. When people would call and say they had a pregnant mama and couldn’t keep her or the kittens, we would offer to spay her for them FOR FREE… which people would then be horrified about because of course, we would have to abort the kittens, which was “murder.”

It would frustrate the shit out of me. It was like, “You don’t want to keep the cat or her kittens or be responsible for their care, but you have ‘issues’ with the kittens being aborted and the cat spayed so that at least she will be adoptable?”

I seriously learned to hate people while I worked there. Kudos to you for doing it for so long… I was so burned out after two years that I couldn’t even bring myself to enter the building any more.
Dani recently posted..Another one with TMI

Misty June 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

Brilliance. Pur brilliant.

Enough of the bullshit, just do it. That’s pretty much what I got out of that.

I love it!
Misty recently posted..Anatomy of a Day Off

Misty June 20, 2012 at 10:54 am

Annnndddd, obviously I am NOT brilliant. That should read “Pure brilliance” of course.
Misty recently posted..Anatomy of a Day Off

Dani June 20, 2012 at 11:25 am

I liked “pur brilliant.”

It sounded French.
Dani recently posted..Another one with TMI

Jen June 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Jen recently posted..My Commencement Speech to the Class of 2012

Johi June 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I like pur brilliant, too.
Johi recently posted..Just another evening of vaseline, rubber gloves and novocaine

Abby June 20, 2012 at 11:43 am

I think every time a blogger/windbag makes a sweeping generalization about how they’re doing something revolutionary or life-changing or saving the world’s endangered unicorns from bullying by posting Instagram photos of themselves, a dollar should be donated to the “people talk shit and do even less shit” fund to send all the gasbags to some remote island.

With that said, actions do speak louder than words. While I appreciate the sentiments of many people who choose to tell me various things, until I actually see them walk the walk, I take it with a grain of salt. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Just stop doing stupid shit over and over. Don’t tell me how you’re on a cleanse. Just go shit your brains out in private and dazzle us all with your glow (eye roll.) Don’t tell me how much you love animals and wish you could help them. Take a few bucks and make an effing donation already.

I try and lead by example. True, I might be an example of what some people don’t want to be–honest, raw, sarcastic, open, flawed, giving, etc.–but I’m me. If more people would act like themselves instead of talking about how they’re the people they think that we like, the world would be a better place. Damn. This is a long, bitter comment. Carry on.
Abby recently posted..Numbers Don’t Lie

Jen June 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I tell my short people that all the time: “Don’t apologize, just don’t do it in the first place!” Better to just avoid being an asshole than try to make up for it later. I’m all about proactive parenting, yo.
Jen recently posted..My Commencement Speech to the Class of 2012

iampisspot June 21, 2012 at 6:23 am

I’m with you on this one, Abby.

“If more people would act like themselves instead of talking about how they’re the people they think that we like, the world would be a better place”.


I get so fucking tired of people pretending to be someone they’re not. I just feel like shouting, “Jesus Christ, just SHOW YOURSELF, but I figure that this has ‘flasher’ connotations. I don’t want to see no penis.
iampisspot recently posted..Me, myself and my dark side.

Johi June 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

But I like Instagram. And unicorns. And honesty and sarcasm and satire… so I feel like it all evens out?
Johi recently posted..Just another evening of vaseline, rubber gloves and novocaine

Chooplah June 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I want to help people to stop wearing capri pants.
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Jaime June 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

can we add Uggs to that list?
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Misty June 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And leggings. Please please please can we make the leggings go back to the 80’s where they belonged!
Misty recently posted..Anatomy of a Day Off

Jen June 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Jen recently posted..My Commencement Speech to the Class of 2012

Johi June 22, 2012 at 7:25 am

I wear Uggs WITH leggings! Bam!
Johi recently posted..Just another evening of vaseline, rubber gloves and novocaine

Chooplah June 22, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Johi, just to warn you I’ve just hired someone to nancy kerigan you.
Chooplah recently posted..7 Things That Look Like Guy Fieri

Leslie Cox July 2, 2012 at 1:12 am

Me too. I don’t want it.
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Clayne Cook July 3, 2012 at 5:08 am

Yes, I agree with you Jaime.
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Jen June 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

That’s why I loved the hell out of Paul Newman (bear with me, this is actually going somewhere); he marketed tasty salad dressings and pasta sauces, donated all of the money to charity, and never made a big deal about it, or plastered it all over the labels so we’d suck his dick for being such a benevolent philanthropist. That was one cool hand indeed, Luke.

Ben & Jerry, on the other hand? Just once I’d like to take a bite of my Chubby Hubby without some aging Vermont hippie twatbadgers leaping off the carton and cramming their environmental agenda down my chocolate-covered throat. Guess what? When I’m enjoying a tasty snack treat don’t ask me if I give a rat’s ass about the plight of the Mongolian water beetle. Donate your money, don’t make it all about you, and shut the fuck up.

I need ice cream…
Jen recently posted..My Commencement Speech to the Class of 2012

Banana Stickers June 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

FUCK. YES. This was deliciously put.
That is all.
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Nellie Vaughn June 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

People call me when the shit hits the fan to be reminded why they’re wonderful and that hard times don’t last forever. It’s a service I’ve been providing for free for 28 years.
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Havilah Godfrey June 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Well… goddamn. Thanks for partially restoring my faith in humanity and common sense, Noa. I can’t tell you how much reading this meant to me at this point in my (incredibly young) life. At a point where it’s being stressed all around me to keep up with all the latest things and to have the “right connections” to “succeed in life”, it’s nice to remember that what seems so crucial and life-changing doesn’t really need to be taken too importantly.

Dana the Biped June 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

You mean I’ve been waiting this long to touch my own tits for nothing? Damn.
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Dave in Sherman June 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I am a C.A.S.A. volunteer. Enough said. If you don’t know what that is, look here.

If you look here and can not get the fuck up off the couch and maybe see what YOU can do to help, well, best of luck in hell.

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Jen June 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm

The Autism Training Institute where I work does a lot of collaborative work with C.A.S.A.; they are absolutely amazing. It is truly disturbing to see how many children, especially those with special needs, get lost in the system and trapped in endless cycles of abuse and neglect. C.A.S.A. gives them a voice — thank you for your work with them, Dave.
Jen recently posted..My Commencement Speech to the Class of 2012

Johi June 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I am donating pretty much all of my time to raising two boys in the best way that I am capable. In doing so, I hope to rid the world of two less a-holes and it give it two funny, humble, well-adjusted men. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. And I haven’t even seen a unicorn in months.
Johi recently posted..Just another evening of vaseline, rubber gloves and novocaine

Valerie June 21, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I just want to point out that my words really do jizz the cure for all ails over the world. It’s true. There is a team of scientist working on putting a cure together for everything with my jizz words. I’m like Spiderman… but with jizz.

I’m all about the helping. ;o)


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Fay Macrae August 1, 2012 at 3:18 am

It is important to value our kids and teach them the good way and how to survive on the chaotic life.
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