My anniversary was not too long ago, and when Adrian and I were knee-deep in our 4-hour 30 Rock Marathon over Domino’s and Blue Bell Ice Cream, I realized that there is no one else I’d rather be with in the world. We may not be romantic, or intentionally matchy (we do that by accident, I swear), but we fucking work.
Also, I don’t have to date anymore, and that’s pretty great, considering blogs like A(n)nals of Online Dating exist.
AOD receives the real-life online dating messages and profiles, and grades them. Holy shit you guys, there are some fucked up people in the world. Some goddamn racist-ass, creep-fuck weirdos–all of whom want to find love with other racist-ass creep-fuck weirdos.
I know lots of people who have found wonderful love and friendship in online dating, and while I was impressed in their matches before I read AOD, now I’m miracle-impressed. If these are the people to be waded through, then high-fives all the fuck around for finding The One.
To Be Fair, All The Mayonnaise We Eat Makes Us Extra Gassy
“Horror All The Way” Is The Most Accurate Thing You Said Here
And My Ninth-Favorite Racial Fetishizer Won’t Stop Messaging Me
Sorry That Your Online Dating Has Distracted You From Your Busy Life Hate-Fucking A Blow-Up Doll
At Least He Puts His Best Foot Forward (Sort-Of NSFW)
So Classy I Use A Solid Gold Vibrator
Sorry, I Only Indulge In The Fetishes Of Men Who Spell Out All Of Their Words
I need a shower. And a hug. And cake?
– Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Nadine: “People who announce they are deactivating their twitter/facebook account should never be allowed back. Two months later when they come back and post that “i’m here, no more drama please” post, I just wanna show up at their home, throw their computer against the wall and punch their face in twice and yell HOW’S THAT FOR DRAMA? GOOD ENOUGH?”
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
That first one – it’s like it was written for me. I’m going to have to leave my husband and find that guy. Thanks, Noa, you crazy matchmaker.
Kelly recently posted..This Post Brought to You By…
Bring baby wipes.
Hahahha oh online dating. Especially the free ones. A regular circus of freakshows.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend is My Hero Part II!
Bringing the weird to the weird since 1990.
You know I’m recently single, right? And here I thought I was depressed before…
Dana the Biped recently posted..Read This: Fairest by Gail Carson Levine
Oh…um….good luck out there?
Hahahaha! Great!
Lacey recently posted..Our Kind of Pillow Talk
Why thank you!
Apparently my workplace deems the entire website as having content that is “inappropriate”. So now I have to wait until I get home to view the awesomeness. I don’t know if I can stand the suspense.
I hope it was as good as you were expecting!
Wow. Words fail me. No wait, scratch that. I’ve been on the internet long enough not to be surprized by anything. And yet, this is a damn close second.
“You are a classy woman but you need a little dickin on the side just like everyone else.”
I’m pretty sure that I wrote a similar ad back when I was single, only without the hateful scorecard. Mine was actually a Best of Craigslist. It is my favorite secret shame. You know, if I had shame…
Mandi E. recently posted..Our mighty warrior cat is a flaming princess.
I had no idea, until I read this, that anyone needed a little dickin on the side.
I don’t have any cake, but I do have a large strawberry-rhubarb crisp which I am eating by myself with a spoon as I read and confirm that all of my life decisions up to this point are actually quite healthy.
Jillian recently posted..Schmupcakes
Feels good to know you’re not that fucked up.
Wait a second, I’m in my 30s and don’t have a little somethin somethin on the side. I didn’t realize it was a requirement for my age group. I’ve learned so much.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..More Facts and Tidbits about 1980s Songs I Made Up
Get your ass out there and get some side-dickin.
Being a strong white lady, I went out with #1 a few times. He didn’t want kids, though, total dealbreaker. Just when you think you’ve found the one…
Chooplah recently posted..A Dater’s Guide to the San Francisco Metro Line
you fart on his mom?
Now I can’t decide if I’m thankful that I’m not single, or if I’m upset that I’m not single. Maybe a little of both.
Sometimes I’m sad I can’t date these people for comic material.
Fuck it… I WOULD step barefoot on a cake…
(Call me.)
Valerie
It depends on the cake. Ice cream cake? NO. Sam’s sheet cake? Yes, after I eat half of it.
{ 1 trackback }