Noa to Alicia: So this girl on her phone in Target today kept saying, “so gay,” after literally everything she said. “These pants are so gay, this bag is so gay, these bangles are so gay.” Aside from being an incredibly terrible person, she was so goddamn annoying! “So gay so gay so gay. Everything is so fucking gay and I hate it.”
Elevator doors open to reveal two men holding hands, glaring the hatred of so many queens into me.
Alicia: Nice one.
Adrian: I heard about that town! There’s apparently no running water or electricity. They’re like, mud huts and shit. That sounds like a perfect Hell to me.
Both River Guides: We both live there.
Adrian: …it must be so nice and quiet!
Friend of Friend: I have always loved the name Colby!
Noa: Oh man, not me! I dated a Colby once. He had a weird penis.
Friend of Friend: Colby is my son’s name.
Noa: I’m sure it’s…not the same guy. Heh, you know what I think is strange? Adjectives for baby names.
Friend of Friend: My daughter’s name is Stormy.
Noa: I’m sure it…fits her well. Not in that she’s weird. Or Stormy. Well, I guess she is, technically. But not in a bad way. SHEESH. Did you guys hear about that wreck on I-25?
Friend of Friend: Yeah, my sister was in that wreck. She broke her leg.
Noa: Well, this has just been fucking horrible.
Noa On The Phone With Grace: So my phone changed Jon Benet Ramsey to Jon Benet Ramjet the other day, and I laughed so hard I almost shit my pants.
Woman Near Me In Grocery Store: That’s incredibly offensive. My niece was murdered.
Noa On The Phone With Grace: Every. Fucking. Time. Why don’t I just shut up?
Noa to Adrian: The management shoved a flier in my door for Earth Day. Seriously, what a spectacular way to promote the Earth. HEY GUYS, WE LOVE THE PLANET, SO WE’RE GONNA RUIN A SHITLOAD OF TREES AND ALSO PRINT ON IT IN COMIC SANS!
We round the corner, and there stands the building manager, who has clearly heard me.
Adrian: You can’t just shut your damn mouth, can you?
Ever said something really fucking stupid that you wished you could take back?– Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Jana (goddamn this was a ballsy admission): “Well, I can’t believe that I am actually going to write this down. So, my Prom consisted of me giving a road hummer to my boyfriend at the time while on a major freeway. As I did this thing of “love” apparently, I was the #1 guest star on many truckers CB radio’s. I did wonder at the time, while we seemed to be surrounded by tall trucks while barrelling 75 mph down the freeway. As it would turn out, my act caught the attention of several CHP’s (they overhead all of the CB traffic) and we got pulled over. So there I stood, on the side of the road, in my prom dress, getting a lecture about how would my parents feel if they had to be told that I died with a dick in my mouth. Not my fondest memory of prom.”