Funny Bitch Friday: Bitches Gotta Eat

04/13/2012 · 28 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

The other day, I was on Facebook and absentmindedly clicked a link someone had shared. I thought I’d get a giggle, and then move on. I was so very wrong.

You guys. Bitches Gotta Eat is making my whole week right now.

Fuck me, this bitch is so goddamn funny I can’t even stand it. It physically pains me to read her stuff because my ribs are now cracking under the immense strain of hilarity.

Dear White People: I Love You

The Great Penis Avenger

Funny Girl

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

I’m Done Dating Forever

You Need To Stop Fucking Dudes Who Don’t Read

You’re Just Like A Sister To Me

She’s got 3 years worth of archives that I’m still pushing through, and I haven’t stopped loving it. That’s really saying something because I hate so many things.

She might be my new hero.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Eleanor: “If all Powerpoint presentations were this awesome I wouldn’t fall asleep in meetings as much and wake up yelling “Ponies!” And maybe I’d be employed right now.”
Mayor Gia April 13, 2012 at 6:42 am

HAAA! I just read the letter to white people – love that she wrote it for a writing class assignment. Very cool.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Pigletta!

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I laughed so goddamn hard.

CrazyTragicAlmostMagic April 13, 2012 at 8:58 am

Annnd of course it’s blocked at my job. God damn this corporate empire!

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I often get blocked as porn. The robot revolution has begun.

Dana the Biped April 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Oh god. “Vaginal histrionics?!” I’m pretty sure she just described the entire Republican platform.
Dana the Biped recently posted..This is Not the Post You’re Looking For.

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

HAH. Well played, madam.

Britt April 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Oh dear god yes, I love this bitch.
She’s all sorts of crazy and totally the kind of girl you’d find passed out in your closet the morning after a party with a beer funnel full of tequila strapped to her face. I want her in my life for realsies.
Britt recently posted..Sexier Than a Drunk Chimpanzee

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

ME FIRST.

Misty April 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

“I don’t fucking know! Rosa Parks?” is my new favoritest response. And probably the funniest thing that I have heard anyone say. Ever. Goddamn that bitch is funny. Great pick, Noa.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Beep Beep Vroom Vroom

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm

It works for everything!

Jen April 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I want to hold hands with her and cavort in a meadow singing “Salt-n-Pepa” tunes whilst eating Little Debbie snack cakes. ‘Cuz I think she’d be into that shit. Genius pick, Noa.
Jen recently posted..Foodie Friday: Cholesterol Jamboree!

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I believe it would be the most magical thing ever.

Pippi April 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Thank you, Noa! I just read “But would you go down on a woman?” and am almost convinced to convert. I’m adding her to my favorites list!
Pippi recently posted..Like I Don’t Have Enough Paperwork Already

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

That’s fucking powerful. Glad you like!

Pish Posh April 14, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Holy shiz that was a good find! Nice job
Pish Posh recently posted..M is for Messier Salmon Sandwiches

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Thanks!

RADventures April 15, 2012 at 5:35 am

Now that is the real motherfucking deal right there. HELL,YES.
RADventures recently posted..Broken

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Right? Enjoy!

Katie April 15, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Annnd you’re welcome. :o)

(Totally assuming it was me you were talking about on FB… which is egotistical and made my naughty bits tingle… unless it wasn’t me, in which case FUCK whomever it was because *I* discovered Samantha, dog nabbit.)

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I was. Thank you.

Kelly April 15, 2012 at 8:40 pm

holy poop she is fantastic. Thank you, Noa!
Kelly recently posted..M is for Moss

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Welcome!

Elizabeth April 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Oh have mercy. I just spent almost an entire Sunday reading her blog. I am seriously considering moving to Chicago (a town I have no reason to even set foot in) just to have her help me through my next breakup (Nov 10, 2011). Not that she would necessarily be my friend, but still.

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I think she might be cool with that.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress April 17, 2012 at 11:30 am

I fucking love you for introducing me to this funny as fuck blog.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Are you a runner? And not the kind on a treadmill.

Noa May 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I knew you’d love her!

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