Many years ago, a man had a sexual relationship with a Dolphin while he worked at a sea-theme park. Allegedly, the dolphin initiated the relationship, but it carried on for many months.

I imagine their relationship went something like this:

What else might he have said to this dolphin? What might have the other fish said to each other when they witnessed said fish-bonin?

GUESS WHAT.

The League Of Funny Bitches Podcast will not only will we be talking to the badass ladies of Badder Homes and Gardens this Friday at 6 PM CST, we will be recording LIVE .

You can chat with us and ask questions, so join us! Follow this link at 6PM CST on Friday (3/16) to interact and watch us attempt normal human interaction!

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Mandi E: “Bad Adjectives to Use at a Wine Tasting reminds me fondly of the days I used to try to do wine tastings with my Keystone swilling college friends. Oddly enough, circumcised was also one of the descriptions at our tasting… And now I has a sad.”
Front Desk Ninja March 12, 2012 at 3:14 am

This post, at 413am, combined with the utter fuckery of tonight,
has made my life complete.

What is Dolphin for “you complete me” ? Does Tom Cruise pop out and say it, or is it something else?

Noa, you’re fantastic.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..Tribute To One Of My Internet Heroes, Take Two: Jaclyn

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:30 am

FDN, you’re fantastic. And I’d love to see Steve Buscemi say, “you complete me.”

Elly Lou March 12, 2012 at 4:48 am

This dude went on to marry the lady with brine shrimp in her hooch, didnt he?

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:31 am

I think so. Also, both his wives and his daughter know about this. How do you tell your daughter you fucked a dolphin?

Bob the Water Cat March 12, 2012 at 5:46 am

Angel Fish 1: See. I told you he wasn’t, you know.
Angel Fish 2: (sigh) That could have been me.
Bob the Water Cat recently posted..Strande’s Lot

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:32 am

I imagine them at the bar drinking bad cosmos.

Mayor Gia March 12, 2012 at 6:35 am

Man: I miss you. Come back to me.
Dolphin: EEEEEEEEE – EEEEEEEEEEEE
Man: What do you mean, you’re with a shark?!? YOU DANGER LOVING BITCH.
Mayor Gia recently posted..And Then I Ate the World’s Best Burrito.

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:33 am

She likes to live on the edge, except during feeding time, in which she’ll suck anyone’s dick.

Jillian @ Brilliant Title March 12, 2012 at 7:37 am

So, is it an O face or an Eeee face?
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:35 am

Do they have more than one facial expression?

Kelly March 12, 2012 at 8:49 am

“Why do you taste like tuna?”
“EEE?”
Kelly recently posted..Shit that gave me the giggles this week.

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:36 am

OH WELL DONE MA’AM.

holy shit.

Ally March 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

Dolphins rape people. I am not even lying. Google it.(but not at work) It is pretty scary. Flipper is a fucked up rapist. Let’s just hope Shamu keeps it in his pants.
Ally recently posted..Sunday Funday

Sarah March 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I think you may have just single handedly destroyed my impression of the entire species…
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Ally March 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I am still traumatized and I learned this information over a year ago.
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:38 am

@Ally: son of a bitch. Can they be registered sex offenders?

@Sarah: And of Flipper.

Jen March 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

“Hey, Babe, maybe later we can run a train on the beluga. Where my white bitch at?”
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:40 am

I just horked a bit at “run a train.”

Dani March 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Like when the Dolphin goes to summer camp and she’s all, “This one time, at Sea World…”
Dani recently posted..Strange Sex

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:42 am

I love that your post title is strange sex right after this.

Jillian @ Brilliant Title March 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

Two days after this was posted, I found out my ex and his new girlfriend went to Sea World for Spring Break. It was a far more uncomfortable realization than it should have been.
Jillian @ Brilliant Title recently posted..Reasons My 16-Year-Old Self Hates Me

Noa March 19, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Welp, someone got some dolphin pussy.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress March 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I can’t decide whether that would have been a high-maintenance relationship or a relatively low maintenance one. I mean, you wouldn’t have to buy her dresses or diamonds or anything, but I’m sure buckets of fish and dolphin-friendly condoms aren’t really cheap either.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Six million ways to die

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:44 am

Well, and all that money you have to spend on snorkels…

Misty March 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

The thought of those two mating is making me eel. It is krilly quite disturbing and I wish you would stop carping on this subject, Noa. Are you trying to skeeve me out on porpoise? I’m not even sure water you are talking about here. At a minnowmum, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Jen March 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

((S-L-O-W-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-C-L-A-P))
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Jen March 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Do you think he did it just for the halibut?
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Misty March 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Nice.

I don’t think we will ever have a dolphinitive answer to that one.
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Jen March 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Well, I’ll wait until you can be more Pacific. Just let minnow.
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Misty March 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I don’t sea how I can, but you beach your ass I’ll try!
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Misty March 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Damn, I haven’t had a Jen slowclap in AGES! Woo-hoo! :)
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Jennypav March 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

haha to this conversation!

Misty, I think we’re on the same wavelength today. “Do you like pina coladas” is the first line of the blog I just posted.

JP
Lettuce Be Clear
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Front Desk Ninja March 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I want to ‘Love’ this entire fucking exchange.

Seriously.
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Johi March 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

There is no way that I can tilapia this, Misty.
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Jen March 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Meh, it was probably just a fluke. Maybe I’m being a beach, but this is more than my brine can handle. It’s starting to give me a haddock.
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Misty March 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm

You’re right. I was probably being shellfish, but I shore thought it was fun. I was only being sharkastic, though.
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Jen March 12, 2012 at 9:01 pm

That’s OK, Misty. I’m willing to tuna the other cheek. We all know that albacore-ny as the next guy.
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Jen March 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Now tarpon me, but I’m off to google pictures of Nathan Fillet-ion.
Jen recently posted..Proud Moments in Parenting

Misty March 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Aww, shucks. I am podatively in awe of your mad gils. You are kicking my bass with this, yo. Way to seal my thunder. Wait a bit walleye try to think of some more. Actually, it’s late, so I have to go to bed now. Talk to you more, tomorroe.
Misty recently posted..Do you like Piña Coladas?

Kelly March 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Mahi side krills from gillgling from all this sealiness. Whale to go. Sea-riously.
Kelly recently posted..My Last Will and Testament

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:49 am

@FUCKING ALL OF YOU:

Holy Shit.

This changed my life.

Handflapper March 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Hey, what I want to know is what kind of waterproof phone or phone case does that slut dolphin have, because I jumped into a pool once with my iPhone in my pocket, and the otters may spoon you, but they do NOT make a waterproof phone case.
Handflapper recently posted..And why do I let him live here again? No, really. Someone explain this to me.

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:50 am

Fucking otters. Expensive as hell and good for nothing.

Jennypav March 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Dolphins are like the chickens of the sea. I need a stallion. A sea stallion. Hmmm. Where’s the sea horse exhibit…

JP
Lettuce Be Clear
Jennypav recently posted..The Greatest Blog EVER.

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:50 am

There are also Sea Dragons that are just flamboyant sea horses!

Chiconky March 12, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Awesome. Just fucking awesome. Your commenters are pretty rad too. In fact, this whole thing may be my most favorite thing on the internet ever.
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:51 am

I’m very glad I could make your internet hall of fame!

Sedge | noob-dad March 12, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Dolphins are the other mammal that can experience orgasms, right?
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:51 am

Also, Pigs.

Anna08 March 13, 2012 at 4:21 am

Pretty wonderful facts about dolphin.. :)
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:52 am

Thanks, Spammer!

Valerie March 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

(Insert fishy smelling vagina joke here… followed by the dolphin penis)
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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:53 am

Insert rimshot and applause.

DevilsHeaven March 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I think I’m going to be sea sick.
DevilsHeaven recently posted..What I am Doing This Weekend

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:53 am

DOUBLE RIM SHOT

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