I’m Going To Start Calling Sexism “Vaginitis.”

03/28/2012 · 113 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This, Psychological Warfare, Sadist Vagina, What Is Wrong With You?

If you have a vagina, at some point you’ll learn that is a terrible, dirty thing and you should be so goddamn ashamed of your estrogenous ways, you filthy cuntmuppet. 

Three cheers for sexism!

So many years after women’s liberation and feminism were spawned, I’m consistently surprised when I hear about some egregious comments or views that show women to be somehow less-than. Still, it happens all the time, and it seems to be a bigger and bigger problem every single day.

Don’t fuck me? Prude.
Fucks me? Whore.
Thinks she has a choice at all, regardless of lifestyle, wealth, or race? Why don’t you just cut everyone’s dick off?  

It’s now a thing that even women are even doing a fantastic job of keeping women in our fucking places, and they do it in the sneakiest goddamn ways. How very woman-like. 

All That Glitters Should Bone Me

Twilight is an enema for equality. Twilight’s horrible not just for its highly-suspect grammar and delightfully horrendous storytelling; Twilight features, as a main character and heroine, an allusion to the fact that all women are stupid, spoiled, gold-digging fucktomatons.

Bella’s tween-melodramatically in stalker-love with a literal sparkling vampire. He shines like diamonds in the sunlight, and when he leaves her, she out-and-out tries to kill herself until he marries her and her life is somehow okay again. Millions of women and girls have read and loved these books and see them as a relationship ideal. This is the fresh hell of which Dorothy Parker spoke.

The only moral of Twilight is that women are shallow, materialistic whores who cannot contain their sexual urges for money, and for money alone. Show me the diamonds, you son of a bitch, because that’s how I measure my worth. In fact, Twilight features a love triangle where another boy is actually a better match, but relatively non-wealthy, and therefore unfit for her love.

Goddamnit, y’all. Stop telling everyone we use our vaginas as ATM’s.

I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL MYSELF IF YOU LEAVE ME

Cosmopolitan is my nemesis, more so than even deer or butterflies. Cosmo says it’s here to help women have the best life possible, and by that, they mean, “get you a man.” Any man. Doesn’t even matter what kind of man he is, as long as he’s not ugly. Seriously, he could even beat the shit out of you and berate you day after day, as long as you have one and you wear the right eye makeup for him.

Cosmo has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It’s a training manual for how to not think past your high heels, and focus on the only thing that matters in your life: whether or not you have a man. Sex tips, boyfriend tips, how to reach soul-mate status with any man (the stupidity of that statement is staggering), how to wear things to attract men, how to move on and find new men when old men throw you to the curb. Judged by its content, the editors and writers of Cosmo honestly believe the only thing you’re good for is serving a man.

It’s incredibly degrading that a magazine written almost exclusively by women thinks women are so hopelessly shallow.

It Only Hurts When I Have Opinions

Pinterest is addictive, pretty, and a fucking cesspool of hate and passive-aggression. It is the best place in the world to realize how much you hate everything and everyone.

I don’t love approximately 98% of the things people pin. Inspirational quotes, crayon art, and pictures of wrinkly infants in knitted hats all pour in by the thousands and all make me want to rage about art and creativity, but I move on. I scroll past. I disregard. It’s just a social network, why get so worked up?

One look at the popular page will tell you that I am one of the few, apparently. I dare you to post something negative about Nicholas Sparks-you will not survive the bloodbath. Post something about being skinny, and you’ll be berated by women who aren’t. Post something about not being skinny, and you’ll be berated by women who are. Post something about tattoos, and you’ll be berated by women who don’t have them, post something about being modest and you’ll be berated by women who aren’t. Don’t have an opinion on Pinterest, because you are absolutely wrong and also go fuck yourself.

WHAT IN THE SHIT IS HAPPENING.

Right now, I want us all to take a deep breath and just chill the mother-fuck out. When we get mad about something on Pinterest, we’re doing a great job of telling the world we have too much time on our hands. We’re hating on each other for liking photos.

Let’s all remember that we all have vaginas. That we’re all fighting the same battle, and that true feminism lies in choice, not in pushing agendas and hatefulness. If we keep hating each other, we give others reason to keep hating on us.

Where else does sneaky sexism lie? Ever heard someone say something so sexist you couldn’t believe it? Have any other spectacular examples or stories to share? 
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Carrie @ Cannibalistic Nerd: “Aren’t there a bunch of riddles an mysteries about people who are found dead in the woods/trees in scuba gear? I now know the answer is that the deer got them.”
Starle March 28, 2012 at 4:15 am

Well done Noa. My least favourite put down that i’ve heard? “phhhft…she can’t even keep a man!” I HATE that one!

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Oh man, those bitches can’t even keep men? WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH THEIR TIME?

Meg March 28, 2012 at 4:21 am

This very subject has been on my mind a lot lately. You can’t read the news lately without seeing something about women’s healthcare. It’s as if they are trying to pull us back into the dark ages and it’s frightening. Like you pointed out, I’ve seen so many women demeaning other women lately and that’s what scares me the most.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Ever hear dudes talk about other dudes? They all think they are amazing. WHY CAN’T WE DO THAT?

Carrie March 28, 2012 at 5:09 am

I once heard a man we know say that he had to vote for Obama (in the primary) because he could never vote for a woman. Sadly, this was evidence of how enlightened he had become. I was very proud he could even fathom voting for a black man. I know some very special people.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Women can’t be president. We’d lauch all the nukes during our periods, and our GDP would consist of chocolate.

Abby March 28, 2012 at 6:30 am

And that is another reason why I’m not on Pinterest.

There are still a ton of ridiculously ignorant examples of sexism out there today. On a small scale, I recently had to get a part for my lawnmower and asked the cashier if he could help me put it in the back of my truck. He said, “What will you do when you get home? This is where a husband would come in handy, huh?” To which I replied, “You’re right. He could hand me a beer when I was done cutting the grass.”

Dumbass.
Abby recently posted..Driving Aunt Mable

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm

My sister was asked not too long ago, “have the advent of women in veterinary medicine led to the decline of the profession?”

Uh…what? That’s like saying, “oh man, periods and global warming, right?”

Fucking ridiculous.

Mayor Gia March 28, 2012 at 6:40 am

Ugh, this is so spot on it makes me sad. Sexism is EVERYWHERE. What about television and magazine ads? Like that vodka one that shows a guy grabbing a girl and says “this vodka always goes down smooth” (the implication being that he was trying to sexually assault her).

Or the whole birth control insurance discussion – what the fuckity fuck is that shit? It’s fine not to cover b/c (that only women get), but we can keep covering boner pills (that only men get)? If you’re not gonna cover my bc, don’ t make me go to a doctor to get it – make it available next to the condoms in CVS. I mean, seriously? And if someone says “hey i need birth control, it gets expensive over time” then that MUST mean she’s have sex four times a day and is the sluttiest slut in all of slutonia, right? Because *that’s* how birth control works (NOT.)
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Jaclyn March 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Jeez, Gia. So you are saying you are one of those immoral, birth control using whores then? I NEVER use birth control and it’s definitely not because my husband’s swimmers are all mangled and couldn’t get me pregnant if we had sex 15 times a day. It’s because I’m not a dirty, dirty whore like you. And Noa, probably. And definitely Ninja.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm

@Jaclyn: Fun story, I once bought a pregnancy test and the lady asked, “is this a good thing or a bad thing?” I said, “I’ll roll the dice.” Dirty whore indeed.

Front Desk Ninja March 30, 2012 at 4:51 am

I always loved the looks of judgement from the older cashiers when I bought my tests (yeah, I said tests. Fuck you for the judgement I feel already)
One lady looked and didn’t notice a ring on my finger and made a “humpfh” sound, to which I looked at her with a straight face and explained my “life partner” and I were hoping this was the one that stuck.

Her face made up for everything.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..You Wonder Why I Want To Slap People…. Take This Advice.

Front Desk Ninja March 30, 2012 at 4:49 am

Woah, bitch. Back up.
…I had nothing more to add to that.
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Jaclyn March 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I’m just starting to look old now, but I looked like a teenager till a few years ago. When I got pregnant after fucking fertility treatments, I changed doctors because my gyno was a raging cunt. So the first words out of the new doctor’s mouth was “so are you happy about this?”. Everyone always assumes you got pregnant on accident! I guess they don’t feel comfortable flat-out asking if you are going to have an abortion unless you bring it up first.
Jaclyn recently posted..Judgy Playground Moms Can Lick My Scrotum. Yes. Scrotum.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:44 pm

@Gia: My thing with B/C is that if we’re not going to cover lady parts, we’re not going to cover anyone’s genitals at all. Still, it’s fucking stupid, just the same as abstinence only sex education and “Conservative Teen Magazine.”

Hoody Hoo March 28, 2012 at 6:48 am

“This is the fresh hell of which Dorothy Parker spoke.” Once again, you make me love you even more. WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP???
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

When more people know about Dorothy Parker.

Jen March 28, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I have dressed as Dorothy Parker the last three Halloweens, I shit you not. Sher is my raison d’etre.
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Jupiter March 28, 2012 at 7:01 am

Oh, have you seen that woman-hating bit written by a woman in Esquire about why men cheat? It’s because we women aren’t good enough, basically. Well, not AS good as the woman who wrote it, anyway. We suck.

Oh,Pinterest. How I love and hate it. I’ve mostly avoided negativity on it until juist the other day when a Republican woman felt the need to tell me I was an evil slut. A woman-hating slut,actually…because I hate Sarah Palin. Whatev.

BTW, this is my first time here and I think I love you.
Jupiter recently posted..Can a knitted uterus really speak up for women?

Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm

YES. I love it when women tell other women how much better they are and that’s why their husbands leave them, because you aren’t them.

Cunt.

Also, welcome! Sorry I used Cunt in the first ever reply to you!

Misty March 29, 2012 at 9:16 am

Might as well break her in early, Noa. It pretty much just goes downhill from there anyway! :)
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Front Desk Ninja March 30, 2012 at 4:52 am

Ahem to that.
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Johi March 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

I haven’t been on Pinterest in awhile. I didn’t realize it was a virtual bulletin board of drama. I guess I’ll just stick with my three ring binder and my aging CD collection over here. Who needs to be current? NOT ME!!!!

I agree with you that there is still a lot of female on female bashing going on in society. But there is also a lot of women elevating other women. That’s where I live. That’s what I focus on.I don’t read Cosmo and I like it fine here in Pollyanna Land, thankyouverymuch.

What I’m saying is that I’ve FINALLY reached a point in my life where I feel like I can trust other women and my relationships with them are, hands down, some of the best relationships of my life. I count many of you bitches as some of those people. I guess like being in my thirties (other than the wrinkles and the bursitis). I have fully embraced my own brand of feminism where I try to be supportive of my female friends, regardless of our differences in opinion, and I can over accessorize like a a drag queen and no one cares (least of all, me).

P.S. This “vaginitis” of which you speak has been going on for awhile. Pretty Woman came out in theaters when I was in HS and everyone around me thought that it was “the perfect fairy tale romance”. I was all, “She was a hooker. How did you all miss that part?” But the eighties rodeo queen in me still loves her big hair.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Fucking pretty woman. Little known fact: made by Disney! Never kiss on the lips, because he only wants to fuck you.

HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT PRETTY WOMAN IS AN ALLEGORY ABOUT ABSTINENCE?

Brandon S April 1, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Hey! I liked pretty woman cause even whores need love. Though the benefit of a whore’s love is that it’s usually accompanied by twenties. (or hundreds if they’re good)
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Heather Heartless March 28, 2012 at 8:46 am

This gem came straight from my father: Men cheat because they aren’t getting it at home. They have to get it somewhere, it isn’t fair to them to go without. Women cheat because they’re lying, conniving bitches.

You’re aware that you have two daughters, right?

I totally thought that it was the loads of unprotected sex that caused my ovary to go all ‘splodey. It had nothing to do with a medical condition that is easily treated with the birth control that OMG! The government pays for. Because I’ve obviously spent all of my glass ceilinged money on being a cum dumpster.

A random note about Pinterest. I pinned something that compared how beautiful my mom’s handwriting is compared to my illegible chicken scratch. Oh no! The school system has failed me and I obviously have underdeveloped fine motor skills! Noooo… My handwriting just looks like shit. My Godforsaken public school actually tried to teach me penmanship for years, so it is obvious that I’m just functionally retarded or it is proof of how inferior my woman’s hand is. I’m much better at making a sandwich.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I know that when I pay my taxes each year, I thank the IRS that it’s not paying for some skank’s birth control.

Wait, no, never mind. I’ve been poor as fuck and unable to afford it even though it was also medically necessary. Bastards.

Misty March 29, 2012 at 9:18 am

Heather – well, if you were a man, you would have excellent penmanship. Gotta keep your pimp hand strong, yo!
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Emma March 28, 2012 at 8:52 am

Love this so much. Brava, brava!

And I’m so glad I’m not the only one who hates Cosmo. “Liberation” and “lose 30 pounds, get lypo, and wear this push-up bra that adds 2 WHOLE CUP SIZES’ are not the same thing.

I read an article in the Huffington Post yesterday, written by a woman author, that was entitled something like “Why we need more heels in congress.” Her point was to ask, where are the women? Where are the smart, educated, vocal, passionate women in our government, and how can we get more to be a part of the political process? On the one hand, I appreciate that she’s an advocate for more women going into politics, because it is still very a male-dominated arena, but on the other hand, she shoots herself in the foot (or should I say, HEEL) by using a synecdochal sexism to refer to women. It’s not “why we need more women in congress,” it’s “why we need more HIGH HEELS in congress.” If all the men started wearing high heeled-shoes, would that solve the problem? Heels, while they can be fashionable and fun to wear, are distinctively for women and create a very specific image of that woman–and not all women wear heels, so using a type of shoe, arguable one that was created to change the female form into something “more desirable” or “more sexual” is just poor judgment.

It’s kind of really sad that that female author missed that little detail of her article, as most of the comments on it were only about her blatant perpetuance of the sexism she seems to be trying to avoid.

Heather Rose March 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm

We had a really interesting discussion in my visual rhetoric class about the iconography of heels. Some of us see them as a sign of male domination – a thing we wear to impress them/compete with them, etc., and some see them as a sign of our own strength – “I can do anything you can do, and I can do it in heels.” Personally, I dont care what it looks like as long as it says Gucci on it…
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

@Emma: Sexism is so pervasive–it’s funny how sometimes even we don’t realize how well we’re perpetuating stereotypes. Either way…fuck that shit.

Jake March 28, 2012 at 9:13 am

It’s completely fucked up how we socialize everyone in America to act a certain way based on their genitalia. At the risk of sounding “unmanly,” I find it incredibly difficult to lift heavy objects, use power tools, or validate women’s lives using my penis. I must be doing it wrong.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

I love wearing high heels and makeup and nail polish and fashion and I’m bad with tools and a pretty bad driver but I can’t, for the life of me, get behind housework and cooking.

We’re all doing it wrong.

Amelia March 28, 2012 at 9:18 am

I work for a lovely retailer that sells women’s accessories. We are treated very nicely. Our CEO is female. Our VP’s are female. Most of our Home Office staff is female. Very empowering, right?

Except we’re ALWAYS referred to as “girls”. At 36, I am one of the younger employees, and still grit my teeth every time the collective “girls” is used. Even worse is the fact that I’m the only one who seems to find it irritating.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS. Also infuriating? Sweetheart and pumpkin.

Jake March 28, 2012 at 9:19 am

Oh, and really, the socialization-based-on-your-junk starts at the moment of conception, because that’s when everyone starts asking “is it a boy or a girl?” so they know whether to start forcing them into the blue/sports/punching-each-other-is-an-acceptable-form-of-entertainment mold or the pink/princesses/you-really-need-to-start-planning-your-wedding mold.

Fuck that.
Jake recently posted..If you say "online resources" again, I will punch you in the throat.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I like that you’re passionate about this. A lot.

Bill G. March 30, 2012 at 12:04 am

I’ve heard a few not-so-subtle hints from acquaintances and shithead relatives that I’m trying to turn my 4 year old daughter into a dyke because I take her hiking and fishing. Proof of my success is that she asks to go fishing and she’s not afraid of bugs and dirt. I don’t insinuate that their 4 year old sons are future gays because they want to leave after 20 minutes of ice fishing. What a crock of shit. She has her pink stuff and gaudy plastic jewelery and she has her tom-boy stuff. Oh god forbid, mom and I aren’t forcing her into a Disney princess dress 24/7 and spend 4 hours a day on her hairdo and pink ribbons.

My wife’s father has said shitty things to his other sons-in-law about needing to make a man out of their son, and he gets all weird and pissy about my daughter playing trucks and Star Wars with the male cousins. He’s lucky he’s 75 years old and too fragile to get punched, but when he tells me his shit, I give it right back to him and I love that my wife backs me.

Cara March 28, 2012 at 9:25 am

It’s also in how the media bashes any woman celebrity who isn’t stick thin and gorgeous. Insaw a magazine cover with a super preggo Jessica Simpson the other day and they photoshopped away her super preggo bloatiness! I was recently super pregnant and I KNOW that your face and neck don’t look like a model when you’ve put on that much weight. What, now we have to look gorgeous while pregnant too?

What always drove me crazy was when educated, seemingly with it men would say how they “just don’t get what all the fuss is about” when I would complain about male lawmakers trying to control my body, or not making the same as a man for the same work, or having to try to be assertive but not bitchy at work just to get m opinion heard. Dude, you don’t get it because you don’t have to. No one is trying to force you to have something shoved up your ass to get a legal medical procedure done, or giving you only two options- don’t have sex or get pregnant whther you want to or not, or saying that perhaps you’re not very good at your job because of the length of your pants.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

“What’s the big fuss, ya pussies?” Oh man. Let me lock up your penis and shame the fuck out of you for owning it because then you’re asking for it.

Bill G. March 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

It’s an AP news bulletin when Sandra Bullock gains 4 pounds. Funny how nothing really gets said about Steven Seagal or Robert Deniro chunking up. Maybe a joke here or there but the women get both barrels 24/7. It’s bullshit.

Lab Rockstar March 28, 2012 at 9:34 am

This post is fantastic, and the comments are really interesting too. A good reminder that we’re all in this together.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Agreed!!

Dana the Biped March 28, 2012 at 9:37 am

Oh, I have opinions. I have them everywhere, but I especially have them on Pinterest. I’m not going to bash anyone else on what they choose to post, but I do post as I please. I know a number of people who have stopped following me because of one board in particular (about vaginitis, of course). My view is this: bring it. I’ll post what I want. You can like it or not; I don’t really care. My pins are my way of saying, this is not right. I don’t think this is okay, and I want people to know I don’t think this is okay.

Here’s the board: http://pinterest.com/danathebiped/the-f-word/

Where I come from, sexism is a way of life. My parents are awesome and were always certain to make sure I knew that so much of what I saw from other people in my community was not okay. But as an example: I graduated magna cum laude from one of the top forty liberal arts colleges in the country. My grandparents, concerned, pulled my dad aside and asked him why he’d allowed me to go there–it was such an expensive way of getting a husband, and I hadn’t even managed to do that.

I kid you not.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I.
Love.
You.

Leigh March 28, 2012 at 9:45 am

what gets me is that most of the comments actually come from women… most men i hang with get it – and wouldn’t dare to insult… obviously their are exceptions in the world – but those men don’t just save their “wit-isms” (cue eye roll) for just women… they are equal opportunity “jokers” and make you squirm with their generalized comments about everything that isn’t a white male.

my hackles get raised when i get looked down on by other women because i wear heels, skirts, makeup etc… and that i would rather do the cooking and cleaning then have the hub help me out – i enjoy cooking, and i actually do enjoy some of the cleaning… (i know, i might be nuts…) but it’s like i’m less of a strong woman to them because i enjoy being a lipstick wearing, high heeled lady.

they seem to ignore the fact that i also box, i swear like a sailor, i am a scientist in a very very male-driven field, i can not bake worth shyte, and i would rather see an action movie then some lame ass rom-com (good lord… i hate that slang… ugh.)

i dig fashion damnit – it does not make me weak.

it does however make me want to kick those judgey bitches in box… with my pointy ass stilettos.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Fuck that shit. I love heels, and makeup, and nail polish, and cute things. LOVE. You keep your shit yours and we’ll all be good. Fuck those ladies.

Leigh March 28, 2012 at 9:46 am

fack… there… not their… damnit!
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I love it.

Jen March 28, 2012 at 10:09 am

All of the magazine covers touting the fucking Hunger Games are making me madder than Rush Limbaugh at a NARAl Convention. Why does every cover show Gale and Peeta all greased up and Katniss sandwiched between them with her tits a-poppin’? Shall we ponder the badassitude of eviscerating teenagers that is the original story and stop making every promo look like a cut rate porno?

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

What drives me crazy, and what Grace and I talk about constantly, is that the message of “Communism is bad” and “slavery and death=awful” is the true message of the hunger games. Instead, we’re making it a Gale/Peeta war. Fuck. Off. People.

Charity Woosley March 28, 2012 at 10:34 am

I would rather the young gals watch Hunger Games than Twilight.
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Jen March 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Shit, I’d rather my short people watch a Jenna Jameson movie than Twilight.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Honestly, I’d rather they all read Lord Of The Flies.

CrazyTragicAlmostMagic March 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

I used to be an avid reader of Cosmo. Of course I was 18-22. Being 27 I look at the cover and realize what a load of bulshit it is. EVRY single month the cover boasts articles about sex tips to please your guy, thigns guys want, how to get one, etc. Seriously? Are we still on this kick? I’m not a feminist by any means but it’s ridiculous that Cosmo is a #1 selling magazine and these are the articles they put out every single month. I now read SHAPE. Why? because it has tips and articles about pleasing and taking care of ME.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I read Good Housekeeping because I am 100 years old, and I really really like the articles.

Angie Uncovered March 28, 2012 at 10:54 am

Some of the biggest vagina owners I know are men. HUGE emotional vaginae. The Pinterest thing is really just pissing me off these days. Back when it wasn’t so fucking flooded with idiots it was good to browse through, get ideas, and check shit out. Now when I hear people that can’t figure out to copy/paste talking about how they “pinned the cutest doggy t-shirt EVER”, I have to fight the urge to projectile vomit.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Pinterest used to be fun. Now it’s a HateFest, so I use it for reminding me why I’m so cynical.

Haley March 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

I’ve been single for a while after my last relationship. I went on my first “date” since then about a week ago. This is an actual conversation that took place in reference to my feminist professor.
Boy: I think it’s dumb that she’s sexist. Women have all the same things that men do.
Me: She’s feminist, not sexist. And that isn’t true. There are many things that a man has and can do that a woman can’t or isn’t allowed to do.
Boy: Being sexist is too the same thing. (*Sigh.*)
Boy: ALSO there are things that a woman can do that a man can’t do! (I was about to agree with him until he opened his dumb ass mouth one more time.) How many single dads do you think are out there?
Me: Some, but not as many as single moms.
Boy: Well how do you think all the single dads feel about raising kids alone?
Me: Probably the same way as the single moms.
Boy: WRONG! Dads feel worse. And they have it harder. It’s the woman’s place to take care of the children. They are better equipped and they have a stronger maternal bond with the child. I feel sorry for all the single dads that have kids.

—I am still single and I’m buying a goldfish.
Haley recently posted..Society is a hot mess.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

WOW. What the FUCK.

Enjoy the single life, my friend.

Misty March 29, 2012 at 9:27 am

Haley – “It’s the woman’s place to take care of the children?” Wow, how did you let that winner slip away?? I’m surprised you didn’t go down on him right then and there!

Wow is right.
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Jaime March 28, 2012 at 11:29 am

fucking LOVE it…. you are the best!
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Why thank you very much.

pippi March 28, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Don’t even get me started on Seventeen!
I’d just as soon line the litter box with it than let my 15 year old thumb through it!
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

It’s Cosmo’s training wheels.

Heather Rose March 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Did anyone watch that episode of Dance Moms where the instructor wanted the 10-11 year old girls to do the Showgirls routine, complete with nude-colored bikinis and feathers? Because I’m going to hazard a guess that the culture we raise our children in has something to do with the fact that they allow themselves to be treated like objects for a man’s desire…
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Jaclyn March 28, 2012 at 2:24 pm

That was the absolute worst. What is wrong with her?/
Jaclyn recently posted..Judgy Playground Moms Can Lick My Scrotum. Yes. Scrotum.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

@Heather: What a healthy goddamn role model for these children.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd March 28, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Ooh! I’m the Favorite Comment! I’m gonna try and use that to get a man.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

but what will you do to keep him?!?!

Jaclyn March 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm

My babysitter was at the park last week with her son and my daughter while I was at work and some random woman was asking if they were both her kids. When she explained that she was my daughter’s babysitter, the woman went on to ask if I REALLY needed to work and how sad it was that I didn’t plan well enough before having kids. My babysitter is the fucking shit and came to my defense and pretty much told her off, which is awesome. But seriously? It’s bad enough to know that people think shit like this, but the fact that she felt completely justified in saying it out loud… just fuck her. Really.
Jaclyn recently posted..Judgy Playground Moms Can Lick My Scrotum. Yes. Scrotum.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

WHAT. Who in the shit has a gall to say that to you?! Do what you wanna do and fuck that lady.

Brandon S April 1, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Listen…. I hate Twilight but that tanned kid can take his shirt off for me anytime.
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Jillian @ Brilliant Title March 28, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I needed to hear this. Not because I’m thinking of writing Twilight fan fiction…

But because I needed to remind myself that it is always, always ok to be exactly who I am. I give other people that freedom; it is so ridiculously wrong to not allow that for myself.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

The beautiful part of getting rid of racism and sexism is that we would all be able to be who we were supposed to be, as long as we had the motivation.

Andi Davies March 28, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I have to stay off certain parts of the Internet because I’m pretty sure they’re bad for my blood pressure. I had a relatively decent relationship with my mom in high school and it went to shit because she joined one of those fundamentalist cults that blames everything on women. Last time I saw her, I asked her about some rumors that her church had given a guy a free pass for rape. She claimed the girl came on to him, so it was really her fault, and anyway he served his time and she knew him and he was a really great guy, blah blah.

Girl in question was 14. Guy in question, well over 18. Obviously, it’s her fault for being a slutty slut who flirted with an older guy. I told my mom she would never be allowed alone around my kids again, and I mean it.

Ugh, I can’t even joke about this stuff. My girlfriends are the wind beneath my wings, and I’d throw myself in front of a train for their daughters. I do not get this mindset.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Fundamentalist Christian blogs.

Favorite thing EVER to stalk. Nothing makes me madder faster.

Misty March 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

Oh god, Andi. I can only imagine what kinds of things your mom would teach your boys. I think that is exactly the right call. Unreal.
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Crystal March 28, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I find this highly interesting as I am about to embark on a paper of mass proportions regarding feminism (tied into the play A Raisin in the Sun) and I only wish now I was allowed to quote non-peer reviewed jounral articles because there are some awesome lines in your lovely rant that I would so use to prove my point that feminism seems to be an illusion that women grab hold of by the nipples and hope like hell it’ll come true – yet we’re the ones holding ourelves back by continually conforming to the ideals of society and the men we allow to control our lives (yep pretty sure I gots the beginning of my thesis statement there!!)
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Fuck that, you peer reviewed the SHIT out of this.

Also, good luck with your paper! I have a stupid amount of stuff on Disney/Twilight and feminism, should you need it.

Mandi E. March 28, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I have been accused, in addition to being an insensitive bitch, of being the total ungirl. I want to cunt punt women who treat cosmo like their relationship bible and then complain about how men are so flaky. Bitch, shut it. Men hate games, and you’re like the Olympic fucking committee.

I was a faithful birth control user of 15 years, 10 of which I paid out of pocket. Part of it was because I don’t get periods without it. The other part is because I’m a dirty, dirty whore, albeit a safe one. If you don’t want to cover birth control on insurance plans, fine. Yes, it gets expensive to pay out of pocket, but it’s also a risk that a woman with an interest in her sexual health should be willing to take no matter what. On the flip side of the coin, don’t expect me to shut my whore mouth when insurance is still covering Cialis and Viagra for the guy taking all his orders from Captain Bonerhelmet.

Also, I remember the days when women were encouraged to read romance novels. I read some of my mom’s and there is some graphic, nasty, depraved sex in them (it was an truly enlightening for a 15 year old), how does that make a woman any less whore like than my birth control use for medically valid reasons?
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

THERE IS NO PROPER WAY TO BE A GIRL OR A GUY. WE ALL JUST FUCKING DO WHAT WE DO AND THEN WE LIVE ANOTHER DAY.

GodDAMN it makes me mad when people say, “oh you’re not a girl.” My vagina says otherwise.

ColinP March 28, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I remember this project I had to do for a Women’s Studies class (it was college, everyone was doing it…don’t judge me!(sorry couldn’t resist the last bit…)) and we had to either correct or go to the farthest extreme we could take an advertisement. So I went and bought a copy of cosmo and found this advertisement that had a stunningly beautiful woman in a pair of painted on pin-stripe slacks and bra. The footer read “it isn’t the bra.” After carefully removing it from the binding I then flipped to the cover and removed the headline “Having trouble finding a man? Follow these tips.”

After a short session with a pair of scissors and the advertisement became “Having trouble find a man? it isn’t the pants.”

My professor loved it so much she asked if she could keep it for her portfolio.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Well.
Fucking.
Done.

Eleanor March 28, 2012 at 5:03 pm

This is why I love reading your blog so much. The comments are intelligent and thought out. Everyone here is truly awesome. :)

Personally, I find it hard to believe that in the 21st century people are still spewing the same bullshit. I mean really….haven’t we moved beyond all that by now?

I grew up and spent some of my adult years in a certain conservative religion that uses this kind of thinking as doctrine. When I divorced my husband because he was beating the shit out of me emotionally and physically, I was berated for creating a burden on the church and society as a whole as now they had to take care of me. Even though I had a full time job that paid all my bills, and had full health insurance. Obviously I was taking care of myself just fine, thank you very much. It scares the shit out of me that one of them is getting really close to potentially being in charge of the country.
Eleanor recently posted..Nostalgia and Video Games

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

EVERYONE WHO READS THIS IS SO AWESOME. I REALLY AM INTO THE CAPSLOCK TODAY.

Oh man, why did you think leaving your abusive husband was the way out of a shitty relationship, you selfish whore?

Oh wait, no, fuck that guy, and fuck those people, and be goddamn proud of who you are.

Grace March 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I really could’ve used some of these insightful little quotes, dear sister, in my interview with that reporter Yesterday. How timely it was that she called to ask me my opinion on “women ruining rural veterinary medicine”. Somehow, I don’t think she or the New York Times would have appreciated the snarkiness you could have armed me with. But, hopefully she took me seriously anyway.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

It was good you called me for interview prep.

Bill G. March 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

“an allusion to the fact that all women are stupid, spoiled, gold-digging fucktomatons.”

My wife didn’t get that memo, now I’m scared every time she leaves the house. Why do you torture me, Noa?!?!?!

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Your wife likes Twilight?

Bill G. March 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Not even at gunpoint.

Sylvia March 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

A very nice article from you Noa, I am thinking of what you have said and I found myself believing on you. Nice work.
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Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Thank you, Spammer. I cannot wait to see your sweet-ass ashtray photos.

Mandi E. March 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

And another damn thing – men who believe it’s the woman’s responsibility to raise the children are the same assholes who complain about their ex bleeding them dry with child support and alimony. Alimony is even enough to get them to pray to a pagan god that she’ll shack up with another guy and get remarried so that the alimony payment goes away.
Mandi E. recently posted..My carrot has a vagina and other pet peeves.

Noa March 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

“my wife is such a whore! She took care of everything and now that I left her for my new girl I have to PAY FOR HER.”

Fuck that shit.

RADventures March 29, 2012 at 6:23 am

Several thoughts, in no particular order of importance:

—I am committed to using the term “vaginitis” as frequently as possible in the days ahead. I’ll be sure to drop you a line to let you know the first time this results in me being punched in the groin.
—I hate to break the news to any Cosmophiles out there, but you give men entirely too much credit if you think we’ll be impressed by “The Flying Lotus” sex position you just read about. If you hadn’t figured this out, we’re simple creatures. We’re not sitting around thinking, “Gosh, I hope she tries that new sex trick involving two ponies, a tub of Crisco and an Olympic-sized trampoline.” We’re thinking, “Man, it would be cool if I could score a quick handjob tonight. That would be awesome.”
—I had no idea there was such hostility about Pinterest. I hear lots of references to Pinterest, and checked it out a few weeks ago. I figured out it was geared toward women when the first three things I saw were a picture of a high heeled zebra print shoe, a picture of the Rock, shirtless, and a recipe for “yummy lemon drop cookies.” I didn’t know it was such an apparent den of vipers.
—I like the image of a vagina as an ATM. If I used a vaginal ATM out-of-state, would my service fee be higher? I’ll need to consult my credit union on this.
—The Rush Limbaughs of the world are douche bags. The women that support views like his on contraception, covertly or otherwise, are worse.

All hail the vagina.
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Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:10 am

Anywhere women gather is a viper den. Welcome to the land of the vag.

Misty March 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

But . . . but . . . how else will I learn how to please my man in 3 easy steps if I DON’T follow all the Cosmo tips???

And, does that mean I am not a “real woman” because I am not particularly nurturing and hate to cook and clean? Also, does it make my hubs not a real man because he would much rather quit his job, stay home with the kids all day and clean and cook (barring the extreme disparate salaries, this would happen!)?

God, Noa. Now my feeble girlie brain is all a twitter. I need to go eat some chocolate and watch some soaps and think about this. Better yet, I’ll wait until the hubs gets home and ask him what I should do. Men always solve all the problems!!
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Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:11 am

Just make sure to have his martini ready, or you’ll get slapped.

Monica March 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Some of the most sexist people I’ve ever run across have been women. It’s like if you make a decision or hold an opinion different from their own, they take it goddamn personally. People turn the private decisions that were best for them into some kind of spiritual directive.
Monica recently posted..I want a size queen. Or a queen-size. Whatever.

Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:12 am

We’re doing a good job of keeping ourselves down a lot of the time.

Jessica March 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I work in fashion (which sounds all cool and glamorous, but it’s totally just another boring office except high on estrogen and nail polish). The weird thing about the 99% female office that I work in is that it is one of the most sexist environments I have ever been in.

It is our business to know what is going on in the world, to look at trends, and you can tell everyone here is affected by it. All the women are hyper-feminine and fall into the shop-all-the-time, wear-uncomfortable-shoes, takes-four-hours-to-get-ready stereotypes. I have these tendencies now, too, from years of working here. I’m trying to rage against the fashion machine lately, trying to be more myself, dyeing my hair weird colors and pretty much not giving a fuck. Except all those things I’m doing? It’s totally giving a fuck, just a different kind. It’s impossible to get away from it.

The biggest thing is the way the women here discuss weight. It seriously can stop me in my tracks and make me feel completely disgusting sometimes. They call themselves fat potatoes. They say they are huge and fat when they’re a size 6, right in front of me, a size 12 (formerly 16-18). It always shocks me how much women are the ones helping to keep us down as a gender, how we’re the ones perpetuating a lot of the stereotypes.

Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:13 am

I have not always been happy with my body, but I’m a size 4, and I am fucking happy as shit that I am that size.

Fuck those bitches.

Jess March 29, 2012 at 7:17 pm

The first line in this post really makes it, mainly because your insults/one-liners are beyond amazing. (You filthy cuntmuppet). I think may have just peed my pants.

My slutty self has to go back on birth control because I’m such a HUGE slut my body decides to hemorrhage out of my snatch, in spite of the fact I am a virgin. Big Ho, right here. Thanks Rush for pointing out my slutty ways by wanting insurance to cover a medicine that keeps my body feeling like normal, but you can be your closed-minded-willingly-obese self and have your insurance pay for all the blood pressure meds you want. It’s cool.

Jackass.

Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:14 am

Glad you liked it so much, you whore of the whoriest!

Fuck that guy.

Liz March 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm

You know what’s funny? I shared this on my fb page (oh evil social media) and it immediately spawned hateful comments from someone based solely on the language.
1. Stop taking yourself so seriously, douche canoe.
2. How do you not recognize you’re doing exactly what this talks about?!

I just had to give up because you just can’t reason with a fucktard.

Eleanor March 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Yup…the internets is riddled with trolls.
Eleanor recently posted..If you like Douglas Adams, America and Apple Pie you will go vote for me.

Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:16 am

I get a lot of that, actually. I get a lot of, “you don’t have to use those words,” and a lot fewer people who realize that when I use them, I’m using them as an illustration.

Thanks for not being the person who hates. Also, thanks for sharing!!!

Jessica April 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I -am- a hard core feminist, who writes feminist papers, and talks about feminism with people and says things like ‘rape culture’ and ‘mansplaining’ and shit like that. The sexist thing that drives me bat shit is the whole my value is set on whether or not some guy wants to fuck me thing. Like if we’re in an argument and I’m making a point and he says something like ‘shit no one would even want to rape you’ like the fact that he thinks I’m not bonable makes it so anything I say is invalid. I’ve started now to stop the entire conversation, be incredibly calm and focused on them and say things like

“Listen..I want to be very very clear about this. I don’t want to fuck you. I mean it. I really have no interest in putting any bit of you into any bit of me. Ok? Don’t want to fuck you. So really whether or not you want to fuck me? is of so little importance to me it never even crossed my mind. So lets not fuck each other. Ok? good, thanks”

This goes over about as well as you expect.

But I really appreciated reading this. Thanks.

Noa May 17, 2012 at 12:17 am

I read this comment a while back, and it woke me up to how often that is used. “Yeah well you’re ugly.” Okay, great, thanks–I had an intelligent point you son of a bitch, and I didn’t want to fuck you either.

That’s as good as rubber/glue comebacks.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress April 17, 2012 at 11:47 am

I love it when you keep it real.
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Noa May 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm

It’s easy when the entire world is awful.

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