If you have a vagina, at some point you’ll learn that is a terrible, dirty thing and you should be so goddamn ashamed of your estrogenous ways, you filthy cuntmuppet.
Three cheers for sexism!
So many years after women’s liberation and feminism were spawned, I’m consistently surprised when I hear about some egregious comments or views that show women to be somehow less-than. Still, it happens all the time, and it seems to be a bigger and bigger problem every single day.
Don’t fuck me? Prude.
Fucks me? Whore.
Thinks she has a choice at all, regardless of lifestyle, wealth, or race? Why don’t you just cut everyone’s dick off?
It’s now a thing that even women are even doing a fantastic job of keeping women in our fucking places, and they do it in the sneakiest goddamn ways. How very woman-like.
All That Glitters Should Bone Me
Twilight is an enema for equality. Twilight’s horrible not just for its highly-suspect grammar and delightfully horrendous storytelling; Twilight features, as a main character and heroine, an allusion to the fact that all women are stupid, spoiled, gold-digging fucktomatons.
Bella’s tween-melodramatically in stalker-love with a literal sparkling vampire. He shines like diamonds in the sunlight, and when he leaves her, she out-and-out tries to kill herself until he marries her and her life is somehow okay again. Millions of women and girls have read and loved these books and see them as a relationship ideal. This is the fresh hell of which Dorothy Parker spoke.
The only moral of Twilight is that women are shallow, materialistic whores who cannot contain their sexual urges for money, and for money alone. Show me the diamonds, you son of a bitch, because that’s how I measure my worth. In fact, Twilight features a love triangle where another boy is actually a better match, but relatively non-wealthy, and therefore unfit for her love.
Goddamnit, y’all. Stop telling everyone we use our vaginas as ATM’s.
I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL MYSELF IF YOU LEAVE ME
Cosmopolitan is my nemesis, more so than even deer or butterflies. Cosmo says it’s here to help women have the best life possible, and by that, they mean, “get you a man.” Any man. Doesn’t even matter what kind of man he is, as long as he’s not ugly. Seriously, he could even beat the shit out of you and berate you day after day, as long as you have one and you wear the right eye makeup for him.
Cosmo has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It’s a training manual for how to not think past your high heels, and focus on the only thing that matters in your life: whether or not you have a man. Sex tips, boyfriend tips, how to reach soul-mate status with any man (the stupidity of that statement is staggering), how to wear things to attract men, how to move on and find new men when old men throw you to the curb. Judged by its content, the editors and writers of Cosmo honestly believe the only thing you’re good for is serving a man.
It’s incredibly degrading that a magazine written almost exclusively by women thinks women are so hopelessly shallow.
It Only Hurts When I Have Opinions
Pinterest is addictive, pretty, and a fucking cesspool of hate and passive-aggression. It is the best place in the world to realize how much you hate everything and everyone.
I don’t love approximately 98% of the things people pin. Inspirational quotes, crayon art, and pictures of wrinkly infants in knitted hats all pour in by the thousands and all make me want to rage about art and creativity, but I move on. I scroll past. I disregard. It’s just a social network, why get so worked up?
One look at the popular page will tell you that I am one of the few, apparently. I dare you to post something negative about Nicholas Sparks-you will not survive the bloodbath. Post something about being skinny, and you’ll be berated by women who aren’t. Post something about not being skinny, and you’ll be berated by women who are. Post something about tattoos, and you’ll be berated by women who don’t have them, post something about being modest and you’ll be berated by women who aren’t. Don’t have an opinion on Pinterest, because you are absolutely wrong and also go fuck yourself.
WHAT IN THE SHIT IS HAPPENING.
Right now, I want us all to take a deep breath and just chill the mother-fuck out. When we get mad about something on Pinterest, we’re doing a great job of telling the world we have too much time on our hands. We’re hating on each other for liking photos.
Let’s all remember that we all have vaginas. That we’re all fighting the same battle, and that true feminism lies in choice, not in pushing agendas and hatefulness. If we keep hating each other, we give others reason to keep hating on us.– Where else does sneaky sexism lie? Ever heard someone say something so sexist you couldn’t believe it? Have any other spectacular examples or stories to share? – Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Carrie @ Cannibalistic Nerd: “Aren’t there a bunch of riddles an mysteries about people who are found dead in the woods/trees in scuba gear? I now know the answer is that the deer got them.”