E=MCYour Mother’s A Whore

03/07/2012 · 65 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This

Anything you’d like to see Einstein say or do? What other historical figures would it be hilarious to give absurdity to?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Ally: “The first time I really felt like an adult was probably the first time my period was late and I thought I could be pregnant. The strange thing is that this is still my first thought when my period is late even though I am a lesbian. I am always like “Wait! How did I get pregnant? I’m not even doing it right.” 

{ 64 comments… read them below or add one }

Becky Parrish March 7, 2012 at 5:18 am

STOP! YOU’RE KILLING ME!!

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:20 pm

NO. NEVER.

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Mayor Gia March 7, 2012 at 6:36 am

Hahahhaa “I Like Black Holes and I Cannot Lie” is my fave. I can’t think of anything to top that.
Mayor Gia recently posted..I’ve Become Obsessed with Boxes.

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

That was all thanks to Adrian, who laughed himself silly on the couch after that one.

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Thoughts Appear March 9, 2012 at 9:18 am

“I like black holes” is my favorite, too.

So I’m still new here, so I don’t know the rules, and I know it’s not really a historical figure, but could you use Michaelangelo’s Sistine Chapel for some funny stuff?
Thoughts Appear recently posted..How To Teach a Cat To Pole Dance

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Noa March 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

The only rule is Wheaton’s Law: Don’t be a dick.

And yes, I will try.

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Leauxra March 7, 2012 at 7:18 am

I am going back to school in a few months. Engineering. I think I need a t-shirt, “E=MCYour Mother’s A Whore”. I will make so many new friends….
Leauxra recently posted..Do These Make My Bones Look Fat?

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I will get right on it.

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Beth March 7, 2012 at 7:52 am

“He who smelt it dealt it”
Beth recently posted..Beauty Fucking Hurts!

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Oh God Yes.

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Misty March 7, 2012 at 8:32 am

Swear I thought that said Black Hoes at first. Because . . . yeah. Who doesn’t?
Misty recently posted..Spreading the Love (Not like that!)

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

OH GOOD LORD.

How many other people got that far and went, “well fuck you, you goddamn racist.”

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:12 am

@Misty: Damn, you’re onto something there.

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Johi March 7, 2012 at 9:22 am

Good Lord woman! Too much!
I recently saw this pearl of wisdom painted on a building:
“Trust No Hoes”
Although I do think that when you add an “e” it becomes a garden tool… right?

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I also respect no rakes and regard no trowels.

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Sarah March 7, 2012 at 9:33 am

I want to see you tackle Thomas Jefferson. He was a weird one, anyways, so I figure there should be plenty of material!
Sarah recently posted..Turning

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Fuck, I want to tackle Thomas Jefferson. That sounds fucking awesome.

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Chris March 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

I want him to say “E= Everybody, M=Mind your own damned business!”

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:27 pm

He was kind of a dick in real life, so I imagine he did at one point.

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Kelly March 7, 2012 at 10:35 am

“NO, I did NOT stick my finger in a light socket. Fuckers.”

“Best mustache ride of your life.”
Kelly recently posted..I’m so calling it in today.

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Adrian begged me to do the mustache ride.

BEGGED.

He’ll be thrilled to see this comment.

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Kelly March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I told you I should have come with to Disney.

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Noa March 9, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Well done, ma’am.

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:18 am

When I was an undergrad, every goddamn prof over 50 thought that getting a haircut from their 5 year old grand-kid and coming to work with bed-head was a great fucking idea. Thanks, Einstein, ya fuck. Of all the trends to start (or at least majorly popularize), why couldn’t it have been having two shots of whiskey at your desk first thing in the morning or calling your boss a bitch in staff meetings?

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Charity Woosley March 7, 2012 at 11:11 am

“Bitches get stitches.”

I fucking laughed my ass off.
Charity Woosley recently posted..Fucks not given, ramekins, vibrators, red pans, and hell

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:27 pm

YES.

That’s my favorite one, too.

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Jana March 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

It’s not E=MC2 It’s HMFIC=I

I am the Head Mutha Fucker in Charge
Jana recently posted..Boobiful

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Jana.

Are you Albert Einstein?

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Monica March 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm

How about: “I’m sorry I’m the reason all those fuckers who failed out of school think they’re super geniuses. My bad.”
Monica recently posted..Do you want Justin Bieber in your mouth?

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Oh my God. Yes.

I fucking hate when people pull that 1) because it’s not true and 2) because fuck those people that’s why.

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Andi Davies March 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

“Your dick is so small it’s approaching singularity,” is awesome. Mainly since there is no situation in which I could actually say that out loud. Because even if it’s correct and the guy is enough of an asshole to deserve it, I like all my body parts where they are.

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I’m very much the opposite. I can find no place that I WON’T use that line.

But that’s what makes me an ass.

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Dani March 7, 2012 at 2:55 pm

“Gravitation is not responsible for the size of your mother’s ass.”

“Reality is merely an illusion, but your mother’s ass is huge.”

“The secret to creativity is to know where to hide the bodies. And your mother’s ass.”
Dani recently posted..Paying it forward, one blog at a time

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

“The secret to creativity is to know where to hide the bodies. And your mother’s ass.”

That. Was. Classic.

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Jessica March 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Pretty sure MC Your Mother’s a Whore is my new rapper name.

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I await videos of your battles.

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L-Kat March 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I would totally fuck Dirty Daddy Dark Matter. I’m going to scream that during sex next time. The guy I’m with knows I’m a scientist so this shouldn’t be too surprising, right?
L-Kat recently posted..L-Kat US Weekly: Volume 1: Issue 3

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Not at all. I imagine, given your line of work, it’s the least surprising thing you’ve shouted in bed.

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Jackie G March 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

As the great Einstein once said, “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.”

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:31 pm

And as his wife said, “Goddamn you, Al.”

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Mandi E. March 7, 2012 at 8:53 pm

“Tig ol’ Bittites.”

That’s all. If Zombie Einstein came to my house to say that, I’d rip my brain out and throw it at him.
Mandi E. recently posted..5 Facepalms to Complete Mental Retardation

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Noa March 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I will see if zombie Einstein can pay a visit to you. He’s been eating my begonias.

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Mandi E. March 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Sprinkle them with crushed ex-lax. That’ll show the hilarious erudite bastard.
Mandi E. recently posted..5 Facepalms to Complete Mental Retardation

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Noa March 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I can’t imagine anything more awful than zombie shits.

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Mandi March 7, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I read the entire post in Mr. Connerys voice.

“Meg Ryan rules. There, I said it.”

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Jackie G March 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I like to read things in his voice, but in the SNL version of him. SUCK IT TREBEK.

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Noa March 8, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I do the same thing with Harry Carey.

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Noa March 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm

And I read that in Connery’s voice as well. AND LOVED IT.

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The Six-Fingered Monkey March 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Sweet, sweet pussy truly is a great universal force!!! These are great.
The Six-Fingered Monkey recently posted.."My Head is a Mess" or "The Ongoing Hair Saga"

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Noa March 8, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Why thank you! I know sweet sweet pussy has driven some of my decisions.

Wait.

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Sedge | noob-dad March 9, 2012 at 12:10 am

One of the favorites I’ve ever come across was:

“E(ntertainment) = MC EINSTEIN IN THE HIZZY!!”
Sedge | noob-dad recently posted..Having Sex With A Beached Whale

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Noa March 9, 2012 at 1:07 am

I refuse to like it solely based on the use of the word Hizzy.

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Allie March 11, 2012 at 10:10 pm

That is too cool! I saw the Abe Lincoln one too. Thanks for the cool site.

~Allie
Allie recently posted..Blogging Success: Failure Is Success

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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:20 am

Anytime.

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elizabeth- flourishinprogress March 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Mother Teresa.

Holy fuck, I bet I’m going to hell for that suggestion.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Six million ways to die

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Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:21 am

I’m googling solid photos of Mother Theresa as fast as I fucking can.

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:07 am

I can picture ole Albert writing, “If you brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”

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Noa March 19, 2012 at 11:44 pm

YAY!

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:11 am

Quantum mechanics rules all, but never underestimate beer and pussy.

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Noa March 19, 2012 at 11:45 pm

The power of beered-up pussy is even greater.

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:22 am

“If you had my problems, you’d be screwing the neighbor girl, too.”

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Noa March 19, 2012 at 11:47 pm

It’s funny, Adrian is totally related to Einstein. Unrelated.

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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 1:27 am

“Take it easy, love-chunks.”

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Noa March 19, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Weird. Good, but weird.

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